Why They'll Be Eating Sand Sometime In The Future!

What a bunch of dumbasses. First a diamond encrusted car, now something so incredibly stupid, it is almost impossible to believe. For years I've been saying that it would probably make sense for the Middle East nations to use it's vast oil riches to buy topsoil, so that when their oil runs out, they'll at least be able to raise crops to feed the masses. Stories like this make me believe that they're going to all starve in the future. From today's Wall Street Journal:

Read My License Plate: It Cost Me a Fortune
Oil-Rich Persian Gulf Drivers Take Vanity Tags to a Whole New Level
By MARGARET COKER July 1, 2008; Page A1

ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates -- With oil near record highs, the Persian Gulf is awash in cash, stimulating a return to some very conspicuous consumption. Ferrari S.p.A. says sales in the Middle East leapt 32% last year. BMW Group's Rolls-Royce Motor Cars says the UAE, a country with a population of just 4.6 million, is now one of its top five global markets. All those expensive cars clogging the roads have given rise to another must-have status symbol: a prestigious license-plate number. Managing Director Abdullah Al-Mannaei displays license plate number '1,' which sold for $14 million. "Everyone has a nice watch, a nice car," says Abdullah Al-Mannaei, organizer of the city government's monthly auction of desirable numbers. "It's not enough to just have a Ferrari anymore." Hundreds of men in starched robes descend on an opulent hotel here to vie for the most distinguished digits. Earlier this year, Abu Dhabi businessman Saeed Khouri made headlines and the Guinness Book of World Records when he paid $14 million for the tag simply sporting a "1." (The auction can be viewed on YouTube.) His cousin, stockbroker Talal Khouri, paid $9 million for "5" -- the second-largest sum ever paid for a license plate. Abu Dhabi is hardly the first boomtown to be swept up in luxury license plates. Hong Kong has had a thriving auction for years, while high-rolling Russian executives have gone to great lengths to secure custom tags. While Emiratis have informally traded license plates for years, auctions are a new phenomenon for the UAE, which last year boasted 79,000 people with net assets above $1 million, excluding their primary residence, according to the Capgemini/Merrill Lynch world wealth report. That's up 14% from the year prior. Like Abu Dhabi, the neighboring state of Dubai started its own auction a year ago. Bahrain is planning to start one later this summer. Mr. Al-Mannaei, organizer of the Abu Dhabi auction, is negotiating for another with officials in Egypt -- which may not have much oil itself, but is riding a regionwide investment boom. Abu Dhabi is the undisputed capital of the craze. Although the place is sleepier and more conservative than glitzy Dubai, 75 miles away, Abu Dhabi's small business community is far wealthier, thanks to the city's status as one of the world's largest oil producers. Plus, as the nation's capital, Abu Dhabi has first dibs on the choicest license-plate digits.

The title link will give you the rest of the story. I couldn't possibly read another word of this nonsense.

Bluey's Flock

Our chicks are slowly growing into hens and I am really starting to worry about becoming a "crazy chicken man".

I come home from work and sit around feeding my birds watermelon and grapes rather than playing my Xbox360.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Here is an updated picture of the girls taken with the Moultrie game cam.

I use the cam to document predator visits, so I know when I have to do some raccoon/varmint hunting.

My Favorite NHL Draft Day Trade Rumor

Pittsburgh's Evgeny Malkin to Russia for NOTHING!!!

I think I would piss myself if Malkin accepts a rumored $12M contract to return to Russia and the Pens get stuck holding the bag. Then Penguin fans can blame Russian oil company windfall profits for providing the cash necessary for such a transaction.

To Boldly Go Where Probably Many Men Have Gone Before

"Warp speed to future alimony, Sulu!"



I have to say, I am getting so tired of hearing about gay marriages. I'm actually looking forward to gay divorces, so these folks can realize how good they had it before with relationships without the legal ties.

Boo Fucking Hoo!

The New York and national media is making a big deal about how "badly" the Willie Randolph firing was handled by NY Mets GM Omar Minaya. Apparently, Willie was "forced" to make a trip to California and was fired after last night's game despite winning. Also, it being 3:14am EST had some kind of bearing on how poor the timing was.

I say "Boo Fucking Hoo!"

Willie Randolph has failed to lift this 140M team out of its' tailspin from a year ago when the team blew a 7 game lead with 17 games to go (which is the worst collapse in the history of the sport!). He is a super nice guy but the team has just stopped responding to him. He shows little to no fire or emotion and neither has the team.

The guy is still slated to collect millions on his three year contract for doing nothing. I guess it is either a slow news day or the lazy journalists are bitter that they had to get up out of bed to do their job. I'm sure the latter had plenty to do with it. God forbid a newspaper or media outlet stays open past 11pm these days to report a story or include a late boxscore.

I, for one, welcome the firing but still want Heilman, Schoenweiss and Wise's heads on platters as well. And Jerry Manuel, interim coach seems to be a Randolph clone showing little to no emotion, so I remain dissatisfied with the end result.

Omar Minaya needs to send a message and trade one or all of these guys, and add maybe a Billy Wagner or Carlos Delgado and trade them to a crappy baseball town like Pittsburgh, Kansas City or Tampa Bay. Nothing motivates players like the threat of being moved somewhere they don't want to go. Getting the mindset changed is of paramount importance at this point. Minaya needs to do something bold on top of the Randolph firing since Manuel is not a firebrand motivator.

We'll see what happens. And, to all you sports "journalists" out there, quit your fucking crying or get real jobs!

Bluey's First Walleye

We ended up having some perfectly cool overcast weather out on Lake Erie for the walleye tournament this past weekend.


Flav and I chipped in with surprisingly our only two walleye of the day, while B caught a monster sheephead (among the multitude of them we caught) and Cal caught a bevy of white bass on line #4.

I kissed my walleye for luck but we couldn't get Flav to touch a fish all day, not even his walleye for a picture (he's plum scared of fish). That's what I blame the walleye drought on. After that, we cleaned up exclusively on white bass and sheephead as the walleye remained elusive.

Captain Popeye kept us entertained with tons of crazy boating stories and B proved to us that, miraculously, even on the open water with a breeze, his "healthy" system could make a boat stink for almost 5 minutes at a time.

Overall, a good time had by all.

Gone Fishin'

The picture on the left represents one of the best days I had in my life fishing.

In July 1976, I went out with my Dad and four uncles on Lake Champlain in Vermont and came back with two 30+ inch northern pike. The damn fish were almost as tall as me.

My Dad and uncles caught nothing. It's a miracle they didn't throw me off the boat as I caught the fish on the left on just a small nub of a worm. I told the crew, "that's all I need to catch a fish". Yes, I was a jackass even at the tender age of ten.

This weekend, Flav, B, Cali and I are going on a fishing trip in a tournament in Lake Erie. Hopefully the results will be the same!

Catch up with you all on Sunday!

2007 Best Picture Winner (As Awarded By Bluey)

Juno...hands down, and it's not even that close.

Juno was much better than No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. I can't remember whether Juno was nominated for Best Picture but so far, of the 2007 films I've seen, Juno is the best far and away.

An interesting movie from start to finish with great and imperfect characters. I won't give anything away but I really can't say enough about it. There really isn't a bad performance in the whole movie and the story and dialogue is real and entertaining.

My favorite scenes involve an ultrasound technologist getting told off by Juno's stepmother and Juno's conversation with her Dad near the end of the film. Pure gold!

Ellen Page, as Juno, should have also walked away with a Best Actress Oscar. And, I usually hate to see children even nominated.

Bluey's Favorite Sitcom: Scrubs

Scrubs has been my favorite TV show for almost three years now. I rate it up there with the best comedy sitcoms ever (including Seinfeld). The advantage it has over most shows is that it has so many richly developed characters that each one could carry a whole show by themselves.

I was so excited that ABC seems to be picking it up from NBC for an eight season. It would be a real shame for this series to end on a few lame episodes poorly constructed during the Writer's Guild strike.

Unfortunately, this show doesn't seem to have ever gained universal approval from viewers. It kicks ER and Grey's Anatomy's asses and isn't even comparable since those shows are basically prime time soap operas whose stories have been done a thousand times before. Scrubs is just escapist good time fun that is infectious. Tune in and enjoy! I think that syndication is finally going to win this show a lot of fans. It's on several times a day.

42 Years Ago: The Pre-Internet Age Archives

Attention All Tree Huggers!

"Bluey is a horrible, horrible man. I was just minding my own business and not going near his chickens at all and that bastard shot me! That motherfucker should be put in jail, neeedlessly endangering God's creatures all over a few omelletes. I swear to God, I wasn't going to rip open the coop and snack on tasty chicken butts! Live and let live, I always say. Now I'm heading for the KFC in the sky. I hope my rotting putrid corpse makes him sick in the coming 90 degree weather! Please see to it that he is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."

Love, Rocky

Tay Tay's New Ride!

The Maidpro-mobile is in the house!

We finally got around to converting the white Durango into the bubbly Maidpro-mobile, fresh with a "MAIDPRO" license plate to boot!

So, if you see this vehicle roaming around your neighborhood, give Tay a honk!

"It's about time!"

Fat Loser Unemployed!

Poor Mark Madden was recently fired by ESPN.

The ironic thing is he was fired for saying one of the first things I actually agreed with him, saying that he had hoped Ted Kennedy "would live long enough to be assassinated." There's no way he should have been fired for that! He got great ratings despite being a jackass, so one can only assume ESPN was merely biding its time just waiting for any excuse to fire him. Bonus for me, I couldn't stand him anyway but I think that it was hypocritical for ESPN to boot him for that reason. I won't shed tears over it though.

Why Pittsburgh sports fans gave this retard ratings is beyond me. He is a narcissistic loser who probably is a "free sex virgin" who claimed an IQ of 160 as if sports talk required anything higher that a 70 IQ. If he was really that smart, he would have been doing something else for a living or not bragging about his IQ to the listeners that he clearly loathed. The guy regularly phoned in his show while watching soccer in the studio and was a total Penguin homer. He expressed open disdain for Steeler fans and the Pirates in general. Even though he bit the hand that fed his fat ass, somehow he manged to stay on the air much longer than I thought possible.

I saw him several times in my life, once at a Hooters, eating by himself. He appeared to be a pathetic specimen of a human being to be pitied. I'd severely doubt if he has many friends outside the few that are with him because he is a celebrity. He is also pretty much universally despised within his own profession. That being said, I'm sure somebody else will hire him, unfortunately. Hopefully it'll be far from here with no syndication.

Me, I prefer my sports radio to be unbiased, informative and light humored, not a day after day pissing match. Mark was neither unbiased or informative. He made a wonderful call on the Pens-Detroit series, calling the Red Wings a mediocre talented team full of old men. If hockey was his forte, he clearly came up short time after time with his analysis, which probably was done 5 minutes before showtime during his commute to work.

Thank you Jesus for ridding us of this waste of space!

Free Kittens (I'll Even Throw In A Rooster!)

Anybody in the market for a kitten?

They are now 7-8 weeks old, litter trained, weaned and ready for a good home.

We do also have a pair of 7 week old white leghorn roosters (think Foghorn Leghorn), if anybody has neighbors they wish to annoy or hens that need a little action.

Give me a call on the crackberry, if interested.

Stanley Cup Playoffs, Game 3 - Red Wings @ Penguins

Meersky and I are heading out for the game tonight. I'm trying to pick out a shirt for tonight's Penguins "white out".

Would this shirt be appropriate?

Sharon Stone: Dumbass Of The Week (Month, Year, etc...)

Apparently, super whore, Sharon Stone is going around telling people that the horrible earthquakes in China are somehow "karma"cally tied to China's official treatment of Tibetans and the Dalai Lama.

I don't know if I can agree with that but I have a better hypothesis.

I think that this horrible skank hairdo is the direct byproduct of it's owner's white trash intelligentsia. I guess Sharon must be realizing by now that nobody cares about aging sluts, hence her gambit to keep herself in the news by any means necessary.

I'm sure those poor dead folks in China, especially the kids in that school that collapsed deserved death due to the sins of a government that does almost nothing for them.

Sharon, get back to what you do best. Wrinkling and sagging.

What's A Guy Gotta Do Around Here...

...to get his pork pulled?!!!!



That's the latest catchphrase I like to utter around the house which is a double entendre either meaning that I'm craving for Tay's addictive and wonderful pulled pork BBQ sandwiches or is a euphemism for wanting a little action in the boudoir.

Tay gets mortified whenever I say it, especially in public places like the Pike Festival this past weekend. Unfortunately, when I was finally offered pulled pork, it was by some guy in Scenery Hill!

I'm not that hard up for pulled pork.

Lock And Load, Baby!

Well, it took almost 42 years, but now I have officially become a gun owner.

I broke down the other night (with Tay's prodding, by the way, how awesome is that!) and purchased a "varmint gun" to help rid us of the excessive pests that reside on our land and threaten our garden.

I purchased a Savage Mark II .22 rifle and had the guys put a simple scope on it. I've been target shooting the last few days and I'm pretty damn good with it. The next test will be whether I'm good enough to hit small, odd shaped varmints. I guess there's only one way to find out. I'm already asking Tay to find good rabbit recipes!

I know this is only a popgun to most of my gun-toting friends, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. I guess I probably should have gotten a shotgun, but I'd rather not have that kind of close up firepower just yet until I hone my gun skills. Hell, I'm only a year removed from "allegedly" putting a paintball pellet in Tay's butt!

Now I have dreams of grabbing a 30-06 and a shotgun. Christ, at this rate I may be a fully fledged member of the NRA by the time I'm 45.

Who Will Massachusetts Elect?

...after Ted Kennedy finally drops dead...who gets the senatorial nod?



I'm betting on his rotting, bloated dead corpse for at least two more terms until they can dig up somebody else named "Kennedy".



Maybe William Kennedy Smith can be the next poster boy advocate for "women's rights"... hell, Teddy seemingly was able to shake his murder of Mary Jo Kopechne off his record, and there was no dispute that he basically left her for dead. At least Kennedy Smith was never convicted of his alleged transgression...rape.


I think Teddy tried his whole life to undo the Kopechne-Chappaquiddick incident. Unfortunately, it only benefited liberal women. Either Mary Jo was a bra burner or Teddy just thought all women were raving feminists.

God, I Love PETA!

Please, just keep 'em coming!

I think that were only about three trillion more nude women away from overcoming the dreadful carnivores!

Who Needs Sleep?

Now, here's a movie worth staying up late to watch. I don't know if it deserves Best Picture honors, but it is a magnificent character study in which the three main protagonists interestingly don't really actually interact at all on the screen. I found it to be quite riveting.

Of course it was brutally violent but the Coen brothers put together a nicely cinematic piece of film with very interesting characters, each with his own story to tell. The interaction between characters is fairly random as is much of life. There's no real overall message nor is the story tied up in a cute little bow. It is what it is. I like that.

Excellent film and I would recommend it. It's the best movie I've seen in awhile. A million times better than that "There Will Be Blood" tripe.

Finally, A Cure For Insomnia!

Who, in their right mind, decided that "There Will Be Blood" be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar? I found it to be a two hour and forty minute waste of time.

The characters were so disjointed from scene to scene that the film lacked any real continuity. Each scene seemed best to take as is, not expecting scenes to build upon each other. The story and plotline was abysmal.

It's a real shame because I wanted to like this movie so much. I felt that I could have done a better job by adding a few scenes, deleting many others altogether and editing it so differently. Some crucial scenes lack any power whatsover due to what precedes and follows them.

What a pile of crap!

4 Week Old Kittens Visit 4 Week Old Chicks!

Bluey Obituary: The Hockey News

Well, with the publication of its most recent issue, it is now official. The Hockey News is dead!

It has been on life support for some time especially after the publication was turned over to pansy-assed editor, Jason Kay. For a while now, THN has been exposing its' readers to stories here and there about the evils of fighting in the sport and excessive contact (hitting) while under the surface, touting the extreme desirability of the European style. Columnist Adam Proteau has been the number one supporter of coddling star players and turning the NHL into the fucking ice capades! As a Canadian publication, I can't believe how they are able to do this without a huge outcry or a total loss of circulation. Maybe Canadians don't believe in "Old Time Hockey" anymore.

This issue has four stories that made me discontinue my THN subsciption outright. I did actually like the story about proper vaginal care (see above magazine cover).

The first one is the cover story. It is written by another "physical contact is ruining hockey" advocate, Ken Campbell. Say what you want about Chris Pronger, but he is one of the twenty best defensemen in NHL history, is a no brainer first selection Hall of Famer and typifies the way the position should be played. However, THN has cowardly chosen to focus on his recent transgression of stepping on a player and his (wife's) request to leave Edmonton, to put his whole career on judicial display to determine whether he is a bad person. They have some fucking gall doing this! Jason Kay should have been fired for even allowing this tripe to be published. Chris Pronger may have a mean streak and is a warrior, but he is NO Chris Simon! The article is pretty much a dog and pony show as they interview his agent, GMs, his family etc... and of course come to (big surprise)...no conclusion. Why? Because they even lack the balls to take a hard stand either way. They end the article with...it could go either way. What a fucking joke! Ken Campbell also pens an open letter to Mr. Pronger stating his disappointment over how Chris' play has "changed" for the worse. What a dick! What's next, try to get Scott Stevens to publicly apologize to Eric Lindros for his clean, concussion causing body check?

The next article is another total nonsense article in which THN tries to get Jeremy Roenick to agree that he "respects" the game so much more now that he is older and has distanced himself from his old rough and tumble days. It reminds me of of "doublespeak" from Orwell's 1984 novel. It's totally apparent to me that Mr. Roenick is just happy to have and talk about his useful role with the San Jose Sharks and THN twists the tone of the story to try to get Jeremy to disavow his style of play of yesteryear. I guess being a power foward is bad too.

Then comes an article with THN asking for the resignation of Patrick Roy as coach of his son, Jonathan's, QMJL team supposedly for encouraging his son to fight the other goalie during a melee. First of all, does anybody have a dad who hasn't asked him to stand up for himself at some point in his life? Patrick Roy denies doing this but even if he did, is he the first coach to encourage fighting in hockey? He received, I think, a five game suspension. I think that is perfectly fine. So, why does THN feel the need to call for Roy's resignation? Since when did THN become a governing body for the sport? Report the news, jackasses. Patrick Roy should not be held up to any higher standards than any other coach. Of course, fighting is a THN "cause", so of course they are going to villify Roy and cry for their own brand of justice.

Mike Brophy also chimes in with a brief article of why he will enjoy the playoffs even under the spectre of goonery that plagues the NHL. This one hit me hard because I actually respect Mike Brophy as a writer and long time contributor to THN. He's one of the reasons I subscribe. He talks about the star players like Ovechkin, Malkin and Crosby as being reasons why the NHL playoffs will be worth it, with the caveat that somehow the NHL has deteriorated in some way in recent years due to the excessively dirty physical play. I don't know what games he's watching and I can only assume that the LSD laced weed he's currently smoking has made him completely forget the 70's and 80's brand of hockey he once extolled the virtues of.

And lastly, editor, Jason Kay, who regularly uses his editorial pulpit to deride the game I love and push his vision of the way hockey should be played. He reminds me of Mike Lupica. He seems to be a frail man who has probably never picked up a hockey stick in his life. Never played the sport but knows everything about it. Do me a favor and fucking resign yourself. Your publication is now as big a joke as you are. Congratulations!

Ice hockey is a rough and tumble sport with no place for sissies. Guys play with a variety of injuries that would surely sideline them in any other sport. The way things are progressing, six stitches will mean a player will retire to the locker room for the whole evening, like in baseball, instead of just a few minutes for a quick patch job. Used to be, the threat of getting your head bashed in by Marty McSorley kept you from clutching and grabbing Wayne Gretzky. Sure, it was somewhat neanderthal, but it worked. Like pitchers batting in the National League, there are repercussions for hitting batters or pitching inside too much. That is why I hate the DH rule.

Then, the brilliant peaceniks of the NHL came up with the "third man in" rule. This singlehandedly ruined hockey and shaped it's course for years. No longer were players held responsible for their own actions. Target a star and get away scot free! In trying to corral the goons, the NHL put a huge target on stars backs by protecting offending players from retribution. Add to that, the addition of the European style that doesn't work on smaller ice surfaces, hence the proliferation of diving and 20 penalties per game. Now the game has no flow and whoever has the better powerplay will usually win. Games are no longer determined five-on-five as it was meant to be. It's a crying shame and I believe the main reason can be solely blamed on the slow pacification of the game over the years.

But THN has a vision that this is the way hockey should be played and that some day all physical contact will be eliminated. It will be no defense like basketball and the scores will be 20-18.

How beautiful... So long THN, never mind this pillow I'm putting over your head...

"Trapped": MexaFlora Mob Bosses

Gavo's buddy and I on the set of his movie "Trapped", in which we play Mexican mob bosses.

In this scene we get a few good laughs explaining how we got a local business owner to shoot himself in the head

(...then the motherfucking bendejo...he shoots himself in the head...(laughter)...)

and in the following scene we filmed, I get "moiderized".

We had loads of fun filming these scenes last night while downing a couple Dos Equis' . I think Gavo and company have a real winner on their hands! I can't wait for the premiere!

2 Tickets- Pens-Rangers Game 5!

If anybody is interested, I have a pair of tickets I can't use for Game 5. List is $50 each.

Well, that didn't take long. Gavo and wife just swapped them up! GO RANGERS!!!

Grindhouse: Death Proof

I finally saw installment #2 of the Grindhouse series a few days ago. While, it was by no stretch a good movie, I did enjoy it a little better than Planet Terror, based solely on Vanessa Ferlito's ability to wiggle her hips in a tight spot! Too much dialogue and almost no action in this one.

Again, this movie, like it's companion, had little merit and I can't believe they actually called these movies Grindhouse. They were both incredibly shy and tame as far as violence and sex goes in cinema. I have to say I did cheer when the ever annoying Rose McGowan was face planted into the windshield! The only way it could have been better is if it was Rosie Perez.

Buster and Baxter

We accidently ended up with two extra peeps that are a few weeks younger than the "four amigas" Tay and I got last week.

We keep them separate from the older peeps because one of them, who we call "Buster", won't stop pecking the older birds, nor will she accept her place in the pecking order and back down.

Baxter, on the other hand, is a good little peep and very docile in her dealings with the bigger birds in comparison.

We do not know what breed they will be as of yet. I think that they were chick breeding school projects.

Hopefully, this will round out our flock and I don't expect any more additions. I'll have to start the work to add a few more nesting boxes to the coop this weekend.

Canada's #1 World Ranked Olympic Diver

Yes, Pittsburgh's poster boy, Sidney Crosby.

Not only does he play like a little bitch, falling anytime anybody gets near him to defend, the NHL officials continue to coddle him whenever any contact is made.

Martin Straka's phantom penalty in Pittsburgh's Game 1 versus the Rangers is the perfect example of his receiving ridiculous preferential treatment. With under three minutes left in a 4-4 tie in the Stanley Cup playoffs, the refs should be putting away their whistles unless they are damned sure that a penalty actually occurs on the ice.

In sachets Sid McDiverson, Straka never touches him, and voila!, a two minute penalty based only on the fact that Straka diverted his path into the offensive zone.

The NHL is turning into a real cunt league with Sidney as it's obvious queen! Congratulations for ruining hockey Sid! I can't wait for someone to smash your brains into the boards and really earn their two minute penalty, so I can hear the whiny bandwagon hockey fans from Pittsburgh give a collective cry whilst cancelling their season ticket packages in one clear motion.

The Four Amigas!

"Chicken Farmer" Bluey has got some new peeps. We got them from a local chicken farm. They were born on 4/1.

The two brown chicks are Rhode Island Reds and the black chicks are Barred Rocks. All four should become prolific egg layers and at $3 dozen, we should never have to buy overpriced eggs again once they are mature.

Tay and I are making a real effort this summer to become as self sufficient as possible given the huge jump in food prices. Our garden will probably end up being pretty huge.

So, along with his debilitating case of gout, in which his utter inability to drive is thus far preventing his pilgrimage attendence, he may have to contend with not catching the Asian flu while tending to his flock!

Anybody want to take odds on how long it takes before he develops some exotic fowl disease?

Mother-flocking gout!

It's Not The Toe, It's The Toe Knuckle!

Splendid...just splendid! Another case of gout in advance of the spring pilgrimage and the opening of my softball season on Sunday morning. I'm barely able to walk without excruciating pain. I couldn't even put a pair of dress shoes on this morning. And it's on my non-Jesus foot to boot!!!

I blame three people for my ongoing recurrences of gout:

1) My Dad: He must've passed some gout gene to me. He's been in pretty good shape his whole life and suffers regularly from gout. Thanks, Dad. A nice big inheritance might offset some of the pain and suffering!

2) My physician: She knew of my gout recurrences and put me on a diuretic (water pill) anyway for my high blood pressure. Of course, being a biochemist, i should have predicted that the pill would exacerbate the condition, but I'm all about the blaming of others for my problems.

3) My own fat ass: Okay, I'm not all about blaming others, but would it kill me to drop a few pounds?

I'm loading up on colchicine, coffee and cherries!!! Since there is really no good therapeutic drug for gout yet (Savient Pharmaceuticals is working on a new drug, Puricase, that I hope gets approved ASAP!), I hope to god I'm good to go for this weekend!

God-damned Toe-knuckle!

The New X-Files Movie: Monster Tree Alert!

Back in the day, I used to be hooked on the X-Files and watched it religiously with Beukey, Pablo Honey and Teddy Ballgame. Teddy had an interesting method of classifying the episodes.

The two classifications were:

1) Mythology - which involved the long running alien invasion plotline and involved some of the shows more memorable characters such as Cancer Man (or CSM, if you prefer), Fat Tony (as we called him), The Lone Gunman, Deep Throat, X, Well Manicured Man, or Teddy's favorites Krycek and the smoking hot Maria Covarrubias. These episodes were pure gold and I wish that Cris Carter would release them all by themselves in one DVD package.

2) "Monster Tree" - Episodes with some sort of crazy assed monster running around killing people. These episodes were mainly lame except the ones that were made to be funny, such as "Small Potatoes", which is still one of my favorite episodes. Episodes like "New Jersey Devil" were pretty much indicative to this type and were rather ho-hum. The episode "Home" was just downright disturbing and probably ranks up there with the most sickening TV show I ever saw. Teddy called all these creatures "monster trees" and would assess the episode after the first 20 seconds, "oh, goody...another monster tree".

Anyway, they have released details about a new X-files movie and I can already hear teddy moaning....

"Oh, goody another monster tree..."

I Wrote A Song Called...

"I got punched in the face for sticking my nose in other people's business!" (Glenn to Robbie Hart from The Wedding Singer -The Musical). I still piss myself when I hear that original line from the movie (smartly kept in the musical).

Tay and I went to see the last performance of The Wedding Singer at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh tonight. Overall, it was a very enjoyable show except for an unexpectedly disappointing and weak ending two scenes. Instead of the heart warming "Grow Old With You" ballad from Rob to Julia on a plane, we get a crazy scene inside of a Vegas "White House" wedding chapel, where there are several 80's personality look alikes that have to be introduced to be recognized. Pretty lame as the song gets broken into two halves and is a weak rendition to boot.

The musical was devoid of the 80's soundtrack but had some fun original music scores. I really thought that it would be a detraction, but it really wasn't. All of the funny one liners were kept intact including Robbie's "Ode to his ex-fiancee Linda". The Boy George character was hilarious, even without his missed "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" scene. It was a also a nice tribute to the 80's. God, us Generation X'ers are getting old!!!

Anyway, if anybody gets a chance to see this show down the road, I'd recommend it highly! It's no West Side Story, but it's a lot of fun! I'm officially training Tay to do Linda's dance moves on Robbie's bed at home for me...wow!!!

Release The Hounds!!!

"The horses are out of the barn"

"I dropped the kids off at the pool"

"The train has pulled out of the station"

"Full release!"

Thank you Jesus for giving us Sunsweet prune juice!

Although my ass still burns like Gollum falling into Mt. Doom's lava in Lord of the burning O-Rings. "I fell into a burning ring of fire...

My Blue Ribbon?

I'm just a simple boy from New York City.

I never attended 4-H or the Future Farmers of America meetings as a boy.

So, when my daughter, Kitty, received a pair of chickens, Arrowhead and Pancho, last spring from school, I knew that I'd eventually have to build a coop when they were full grown. Pancho never was healthy and he perished only a few days later, but Arrowhead, now renamed Churkey is doing just fine and laying 4-5 eggs per week!

So after 6 months of internet research and careful planning, I designed the coop that I wanted. Tay was highly skeptical of my design plans and referred to my throw together hoopie coop that I made out Aussie's old wooden bedframe. The one that I threw together on the fly to keep Arrowhead safe from the dog, cat and other predators when she was a chick. Tay and her family were less than kind regarding the merits of that structure.

Whenever I would show Tay, my new design ideas, she would roll her eyes and ask me why I just didn't bring her dad's old coop up to her house or buy one from a farm outlet. That made me even more determined.

So, $250 in supplies later, architectual plans in hand, I retreated to the garage to begin my project. And two months later, everyone is impressed...even Tay's Dad. I'm actually a little shocked as it came together better than even I ever thought it would. It has a perching pole inside the 2nd floor, nesting boxes for egg laying and a shingled roof. Now, we'll probably add another chick or two this spring to fully utilize it.

So, now that the hard part is over I got to thinking. Just because I grew up in NYC doesn't mean I can't live every boy's rural dream of winning a blue ribbon. I've won plenty of trophys in my life but no blue ribbons. I asked Tay to contact the local fairs to see if there is an entry division for farm structures or coop design. She laughed at me and told me there wasn't.

"Are you kidding me? They have people's baked goods, crappy needlepoint and so many other lame ass bullshit there. It's a farm fair, people show off their tractors for god's sake, why wouldn't they have a division for miscellaneous farm structures?"

"You're being ridiculous. I can't call the fair people. They'll laugh at me."

"I want a blue ribbon and yes, you will call them."

Stay tuned for the conclusion as the fairs are scheduled for the late summer. Will Bluey get his precious Blue Ribbon? Or will the Man kill his dreams?

More Of The Rat Cats!

Scott Schoenweiss: Please Die Already!

...or at least develop left arm cancer. You have been singlehandedly killing the Mets for two years now. You suck! Please retire or ask for a trade and do us Mets fans a favor. It just goes to show, any lefty with a pulse can pitch in the majors.

Add Aaron Heilman to my deathwish list too. He is pathetic. I'm starting to commiserate with the "Fire Willie Randolph" crowd. He is atrocious and for some reason, he is in love with using both these guys as much as possible.

We Have Rats!

Early in the morning sometime before dawn, our cat, Luna, spit out four little rats. She's a tiny cat and she's been bursting for about two weeks.

Here is the first picture of momma cat and her little ratlings!

Anybody wanting a kitty in a few months, put in your requests! First come, first served!

Wong's Wok promised to take any animals we can't find a home for. Or, there's always the river...

Momma and babies are doing just fine. It never ceases to amaze me how animals figure out how to care for their babies going on just instinct.

BS Poker: April 5

We had a nice turnout for pre-pilgrimage BS Poker! Choder tried his best to abdicate his position of Mayor of Swallower's Row and a very unlikely Meersky made a late surge in the polls to shed his octagonal chains and make a late try for the post. In the end, the position was very much up in the air.

All in all, a very entertaining evening!

Attendees: Bluey/Tay, Irish, Choder, Meersky, Cali/LiLi, Poppinfresh/Erie, Griffin/Tracer, Francois/Kimi.

Rikku: A Matrix by Forbidden Machina

Years ago I had a post touting the day that we invented a virtual Matrix environment for the elderly to happily live out the end of their days in a virtual world. You would live out the rest of your life in perpetual youth and vitality.

Many couples set aside one person each in which they ever got a chance to sleep with, that their spouse would be okay with. For example, for Tay's cousin LiLi, that would probably be someone like Michael Buble.

God knows I always tease Tay about letting me have a one night stand if I ever had a chance with a 19 year old gymnast. But that's not what I really want. I'm a little more sick and twisted than that.

But now I have another idea. When I am in a coma with terminal cancer, I want to be hooked up with "forbidden machina" PS2 that would put me in a virtual world with Rikku from Final Fantasy X.

Yes, this sick fuck would rather have a virtual cartoon character than a "real" virtual woman. Would Tay go for that or would that be considered cheating?

McCain Chooses Joe Lieberman as his VP!

Okay, so I'm a little late on my April Fool's joke, but how great would it be for John McCain to go to former Democrat, now Independent Lieberman on the Far Right's candy asses?

Of course it's never a good idea to infuriate your own party's most vocal contingent but I actually think that this would be a good idea and actually posed this pairing to my buddy Gavo's father-in-law a year or so back.

I like McCain because he brings a good conservative base with ideals to reach across the aisle and unite most Americans utilizing some nonpartisan common sense to each issue. He is not one to tow the party line like a robot. Joe Lieberman has those same sensibilities and it's no suprise that the two men have great respect for each other.

America finally needs a nonpartisan pairing to break the costly deadlock that the extreme left and right of each party have plagued our country with. Let's face it. America is a democracy that is being torn apart by the civil war between the nuts on both extremes. It's time to for those of us with some brains and common sense to shake hands and get these politicians to work for us instead of doing our fighting for minority held ideals.

The Wall Street Journal actually mentioned Lieberman as being on McCain's list of 20 possible VP candidates. I, for one, would like to see some critical independent problem solving occur in this country instead of this endless tug of war. Chop the wings off our parties already!

Aussie's A Ranger Jinx As Well!

I took Aussie to the Pens-Rangers game last night for her birthday trip to the Mellon Arena. The cartoonists were there and we sat for a quick sketch. Aussie cheered on the Pens and was mortified by my "Lets Go Rangers!" chants. It was all for naught as Aussie cheered the Pens on to a 3-1 victory. Ranger-killer Evgeny Malkin figured prominently again.

It was Aussie's first trip to the arena and she will definitely return again, but maybe not when the Pens play my precious Rangers. All in all a good time had by all!

Oh and by the way, I did roll my ankle on the walk back to the trolley and Aussie fibbed that I didn't, which made Tay doubt the need of a massage on my "Jesus foot" later in the day. The "Jesus Foot" story, however, is for another post.

My ankle is recovering fine, no thanks to the non-believing Tay Tay.

Why Can't I Have Normal Kids?

This is the text of an email I recieved from two of my daughters on Saturday morning after they were up goofing around all night Friday:

Itsssss pumpkin timeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! yo yo yo yo its friday and some things are goin down yo yo. we be workin da roof yo and we gettin paid for ittt.. Me and mah buds be cruisin in da hood while the moon is pumpin' and da sun tis sleepin yo. chaaaa weeee be show stoppin wit my pimpin rockin slice of deli chopped ham..get crunk...me and my momma be buyin sum new baggin gansta pants for mah chingin wing-wong yo. and mah bros be hoeing da lawwne fo mah pops. yo diggy diggity dawg we be chowin donn on da trippin swingin hoppin slappin ballin 5 dolla foot long... wen me n' mah hoes are in da mood fo sum grubbin r'freshment. we be changin the pokin hock-horrs on the corna pub yo. yo. yo. we in da club pluggin n' groovin n' purrin n' gettin down to dis jammin jiggin poppin bouncin slammin pumpin quackin pluckin tune yo. Wif mah bustin' chick in mah limmooo yo. yo and wen we gets to mah crankin loft we bes jankin' downn 2 dis' fringin moho sho. Pingin chainssss be hangin loooooowwwww on mah hawtttt kakker bag pantss yo. while we be junkin n' rappin n' linkin n' wumpin n' trumpin n' shlumpin n' grumpin n' blunkin n' twinklin', we be flashin and bashin' and slashin' n' crashin our blingage yoho. yoyo. yoblow. yocrunk.... since we be slicin dis crib n' squattin dis nail salon we be makin money.. we make it hail.. n' rain.. n' snow...get crunk.

BLLLAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.. is wat we liv fo yo. gimme sum uh dat BLLLAAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!! hoe yah!!!!! we be burnin up dis club we in cuz we be kickin it wif mah homies n' sum uh dis frangin BLLLAAAAANNNNNGGGG!!!! veronica is mah pimpin ho who is bustin a sweet move wif my bringgin jig. gagginnnnn' we be gagggin' wif chunks o' fro in mah soupin lops. we be grungin' n' grapin wif our grillz n our flickin floppin fridgin flupin backwerds hats. n we be diggin dese toe socks yo.

-----yours truly,
Lil' Aussie Rhymes & Sniggetyswankerbebis busta jam.

My March Madness

My interest in the NCAA tournament is lukewarm at best. I've never been much of a basketball fan.

But, my daughter Bebis, her school's point guard, has really turned that around for me.

You see, Bebis has some mad skilz on a basketball court. She is almost always the fastest girl on the court as she can dribble through an entire team and still can catch up to a fast break going the other way even if the girl has a twenty foot head start on her. She plays tenacious defense and plays so unselfishly, she is just as likely to make a last minute dish to a teammate than putting up her own shot.

Last night, Bebis led her team to a 22-20 last minute victory. She went 4 of 6 from the field and 3 of 5 from the free throw line. She also assisted on 4 other baskets.

With 40 seconds left to play, Bebis dribbled through four defenders on the other team and dished the ball to a wide open teammate for the winning basket. Damn, I'm so proud of her.

Bebis is only 13 and should do some damage when she gets to high school, assuming that my constant harrassment will result in her finally practicing free throws. Who knows, maybe we'll eventually see her in the NCAA women's tourney. Only time will tell.

Bebis rocks!

Happy Easter!

Thanks to my sis Kreeshka for sending this little Easter nugget!

All the Easter bunny left me was a case of poison ivy on top of the influenza I just got over last week.

Holy crap, I think I'm ready for the Elmer's factory.

Anyway, seeing the bunny get his makes my itching a lot more tolerable.

Happy Easter, my peeps!

Happy Holiday!

Here's hoping that your sweetie gives as much effort to this companion holiday that you gave on Valentine's Day!

God, does it get any better than this?

Pimpin' Ain't Easy: Spitzer-style!

You're the Governor of New York and you pretty much got there by being a unfeeling bastard of a pit bull prosecuting attorney. You dragged just about everyone you went after through the mud and made more enemies than Satan. Multitudes of New York politicians and businessmen would probably give their left arms to see your ass busted down.


How exactly do you think you could possibly get away with wiring cash to a shell corporation running a prostitution ring and transporting your ho's across states for a little action on the side because Silda hasn't been giving it up lately? How full of yourself and your power do you have to be?


Apparently, there is a huge shortage of brains and a massive supply of cajones. Looking at the guy, I would have never guessed he had it in him. I guess his Napoleonic ego begged to differ.

Which leaves me with one last question as I watched his wife stand by his side.


From a wife's perspective, Is it more acceptable for your husband to pay a hooker $5400 for a tryst from time to time than find out that he's been having an affair with an acquantance or an intern?

Bluey's World Hijacked by The Mucous!

Well, it seems that either God or the ghost of Myron Cope, struck down Bluey with Influenza last week, hence his absence from this page.

"Yeah Bitches! Party time in Bluey's World!", said one particularly large and nasty luger hocked up from Bluey's lungs late yesterday.

Order has seemingly been restored and Bluey's manic vitriol should return shortly.

The "Democratic" Party Is A Sham!

First, they have superdelegates, whose vote counts as much or more than entire districts of citizens and then, they arbitrarily choose to exclude another 5+ million people because two states (Florida and Michigan) wanted to vote earlier in the process, when their votes actually count.

Are dems that stupid, that they can't figure out that losing the massive amounts of delegates (366) in Michigan and Florida, would make it very difficult to tease out a winner in a close race? It sounds like they probably thought Hillary was a slam dunk.

And then on top of that, they split the delegates in each state by popular vote, which is utter nonsense. If you're going to go by popular vote, then have everyone vote on a national primary day and let the winner take all. I always thought the primary system discounted the wishes of those states voting later in the process. Does punishing the fine citizens of Michigan and Florida for wanting to take an equal part in the process make any sense to anyone?

But the party that is supposedly for the "people", will eventually have the elite in the democratic party choose their candidate, while ignoring countless millions of democrats. Not that I really give a crap one way or the other, I'm a Republican, but I do find it very amusing.

While both candidates are pretty much mirror images of each other, it probably makes no difference who wins. At this point, it is a battle over who can promise tho most crazy social programs, turn tail in Iraq faster and fuck the rich and US businesses harder.

All the things that will make the US a great nation in their eyes.

The Economist: March1st-7th, 2008

Featured on the cover of this week's The Economist is none other than our own lovable, noted people person and portfolio manager, Poppinfresh.

I love this picture!

It reminds me of days when I would go into Poppinfresh's office and ask him if we could possibly pare or sell an energy stock.

I'd look up at him in his darkened bear cave of an office and he'd be feasting on light sweet crude oil like Pooh Bear with his honeypot.

He'd growl something indecipherable to me and I'd walk out and be glad just to leave with my life.

"Mmmmm...light sweet crude......."