Bluey Obituary: The Hockey News

Well, with the publication of its most recent issue, it is now official. The Hockey News is dead!

It has been on life support for some time especially after the publication was turned over to pansy-assed editor, Jason Kay. For a while now, THN has been exposing its' readers to stories here and there about the evils of fighting in the sport and excessive contact (hitting) while under the surface, touting the extreme desirability of the European style. Columnist Adam Proteau has been the number one supporter of coddling star players and turning the NHL into the fucking ice capades! As a Canadian publication, I can't believe how they are able to do this without a huge outcry or a total loss of circulation. Maybe Canadians don't believe in "Old Time Hockey" anymore.

This issue has four stories that made me discontinue my THN subsciption outright. I did actually like the story about proper vaginal care (see above magazine cover).

The first one is the cover story. It is written by another "physical contact is ruining hockey" advocate, Ken Campbell. Say what you want about Chris Pronger, but he is one of the twenty best defensemen in NHL history, is a no brainer first selection Hall of Famer and typifies the way the position should be played. However, THN has cowardly chosen to focus on his recent transgression of stepping on a player and his (wife's) request to leave Edmonton, to put his whole career on judicial display to determine whether he is a bad person. They have some fucking gall doing this! Jason Kay should have been fired for even allowing this tripe to be published. Chris Pronger may have a mean streak and is a warrior, but he is NO Chris Simon! The article is pretty much a dog and pony show as they interview his agent, GMs, his family etc... and of course come to (big surprise)...no conclusion. Why? Because they even lack the balls to take a hard stand either way. They end the article with...it could go either way. What a fucking joke! Ken Campbell also pens an open letter to Mr. Pronger stating his disappointment over how Chris' play has "changed" for the worse. What a dick! What's next, try to get Scott Stevens to publicly apologize to Eric Lindros for his clean, concussion causing body check?

The next article is another total nonsense article in which THN tries to get Jeremy Roenick to agree that he "respects" the game so much more now that he is older and has distanced himself from his old rough and tumble days. It reminds me of of "doublespeak" from Orwell's 1984 novel. It's totally apparent to me that Mr. Roenick is just happy to have and talk about his useful role with the San Jose Sharks and THN twists the tone of the story to try to get Jeremy to disavow his style of play of yesteryear. I guess being a power foward is bad too.

Then comes an article with THN asking for the resignation of Patrick Roy as coach of his son, Jonathan's, QMJL team supposedly for encouraging his son to fight the other goalie during a melee. First of all, does anybody have a dad who hasn't asked him to stand up for himself at some point in his life? Patrick Roy denies doing this but even if he did, is he the first coach to encourage fighting in hockey? He received, I think, a five game suspension. I think that is perfectly fine. So, why does THN feel the need to call for Roy's resignation? Since when did THN become a governing body for the sport? Report the news, jackasses. Patrick Roy should not be held up to any higher standards than any other coach. Of course, fighting is a THN "cause", so of course they are going to villify Roy and cry for their own brand of justice.

Mike Brophy also chimes in with a brief article of why he will enjoy the playoffs even under the spectre of goonery that plagues the NHL. This one hit me hard because I actually respect Mike Brophy as a writer and long time contributor to THN. He's one of the reasons I subscribe. He talks about the star players like Ovechkin, Malkin and Crosby as being reasons why the NHL playoffs will be worth it, with the caveat that somehow the NHL has deteriorated in some way in recent years due to the excessively dirty physical play. I don't know what games he's watching and I can only assume that the LSD laced weed he's currently smoking has made him completely forget the 70's and 80's brand of hockey he once extolled the virtues of.

And lastly, editor, Jason Kay, who regularly uses his editorial pulpit to deride the game I love and push his vision of the way hockey should be played. He reminds me of Mike Lupica. He seems to be a frail man who has probably never picked up a hockey stick in his life. Never played the sport but knows everything about it. Do me a favor and fucking resign yourself. Your publication is now as big a joke as you are. Congratulations!

Ice hockey is a rough and tumble sport with no place for sissies. Guys play with a variety of injuries that would surely sideline them in any other sport. The way things are progressing, six stitches will mean a player will retire to the locker room for the whole evening, like in baseball, instead of just a few minutes for a quick patch job. Used to be, the threat of getting your head bashed in by Marty McSorley kept you from clutching and grabbing Wayne Gretzky. Sure, it was somewhat neanderthal, but it worked. Like pitchers batting in the National League, there are repercussions for hitting batters or pitching inside too much. That is why I hate the DH rule.

Then, the brilliant peaceniks of the NHL came up with the "third man in" rule. This singlehandedly ruined hockey and shaped it's course for years. No longer were players held responsible for their own actions. Target a star and get away scot free! In trying to corral the goons, the NHL put a huge target on stars backs by protecting offending players from retribution. Add to that, the addition of the European style that doesn't work on smaller ice surfaces, hence the proliferation of diving and 20 penalties per game. Now the game has no flow and whoever has the better powerplay will usually win. Games are no longer determined five-on-five as it was meant to be. It's a crying shame and I believe the main reason can be solely blamed on the slow pacification of the game over the years.

But THN has a vision that this is the way hockey should be played and that some day all physical contact will be eliminated. It will be no defense like basketball and the scores will be 20-18.

How beautiful... So long THN, never mind this pillow I'm putting over your head...