The People That You Meet While Using The Restroom - Volume 1

Going to the restroom during working hours used to be a rather mundane activity. You're in, you're out and back to the grind. Not for me, Blue and Poppinfresh.

You see, we share a restroom with an adult daycare facility. Now, going to the bathroom is an adventure. You never know who you're going to meet in there and what crazy antics these folks will be up to.

It all started one day (before Blue was hired, incidentally), about a year ago when I walked into the facilities and stood in front of the urinal. From the stalls I heard someone chanting:

"Yeah...oh..ok...yeah....hmmmhh...good...ok.....yeahh...ohhhhhhhh....yeah....."

I was startled. What the hell is that? I turned around towards the stalls...

"Ooohhh....ok.....I just......gotta.......oh.......yeahh.......ok.........gooood....."

Thus was born character number one: The Cheerleader

I kind of feel sorry for The Cheerleader. The poor guy either suffers from such an exagerated self esteem or he has the tightest sphincter muscle known to man. I've had more than my share of run-ins with him. At first I am standing there and I'm thinking to myself, "What is that guy doing in there? Spanking off?"

He sounds like he is doing something worth cheering about. He seemingly is praising himself for some sort of process that he is in the middle of. But, he doesn't sound exactly overjoyed, he actually sounds kinda pained.

You see, this guy just can't experience a quick and total full bowel release. It seems like he's paying the sacrifices for a strict diet of oatmeal, bran muffins and metamucil. He sounds like he's trying to push four pounds of chopmeat through a crazy straw and is just giving himself the verbal props and accolades for accomplishing the task.

He doesn't seem to be put off in the least by the presence of other people in the bathroom during his rectal exercise. In some ways, as vocal as he is, he seems awfully proud of himself, this being his way to show the world that "He's the man!"

The first time I experienced his cheerleading, I didn't think anyone would believe my story. That's partially true. I am known for my ability to embellish a story but in this case, I'm not the only one to experience The Cheerleader's moves. The scary thing is that The Cheerleader is so passe now. So many other characters have eclipsed his shananigans that when I run across him, I don't even think twice about it.

In the coming months, I will highlight more of the characters and add new ones as I encounter them. They are an odd lot.