The Inner Beast

um...er...I don't think that the world is ready for that one quite yet.

Let's do a take two, because in order to appreciate "The Inner Beast", you need to have a little background. So, Take Two!

My Son, Pimp-n-Playa

Many of you who have been reading this blog, know that I have three young daughters. But what you don't know is that I have a deep dark secret in my past. Dim the lights, turn on the strobe and cue KC and the Sunshine Band's "Get Down Tonight" (do a little dance, make a little love...). But in order to tell this story I need to take you into the wayback machine to Studio 54, New York City, circa 1981 when a young guido named Riccardo Suave was tearing up the dancefloor dressed in snake skin pants, a white dress shirt unbuttoned to his navel and enough gold chains to burn out retinas. This God's gift to women scans the floor looking for some fresh talent, having exhausted the city gals and the jersey babes.

This is when he spots a smoking hot blonde, naive western Pennsylvania gal who is in town for a little big city fun and totally unaware that tonight is the night that her life changes for good. Rico makes eye contact and swoops in for the kill. The girl is like a deer in the gold chain glitter and can't take her eyes off Rico's manly chest turf. He whispers in her ear and they go upstairs into the bowels of 54. Her friends protest briefly but let her go. Isn't that why they came to the big city? For a little fun?

Fast forward to a 54 broom closet. With the strobe light and the music still pulsing, Rico bends her over and grabs her by the hair. He relieves her of her pants and they go at it like animals in heat. Rico is gently spanking her bottom as the Clash's "Magnificent Seven" replaces "Get Down Tonight". As the two lovers sweat and explode in passion, the world around them dissolves. They finish and come to their senses and begin to dress. Rico tucks his magnificent seven back into his pants and gives the girl his phone number, kisses her neck and sends her back to her friends, who surely are worried by now.

The girl tries to find Rico in the crowd later but he has evaporated into the scene. The girl returns to Western Pennsylvania the next day and tries to phone Rico. She dials the number and is greeted with "Madison Square Garden, can I help you?". The girl is devastated but is not too disappointed. For she had the best New York City had to offer and this would keep her warm on cold winter nights in her old age. Nine months later she would give birth to a son and name him Pimp-n-Playa.

Pimp would go through 18 years of his life until he meets his real father at a pick-up hockey session in Kittanning , Pa. No longer going by Rico, I chose to reveal my secret a year later while Pimp and I were teammates on the Cosmic Debris team in an Adult Ice Hockey League. It turned out, that Pimp had inherited his mad skills from his old man and led the team in goals while his yet to be revealed dear old Dad was manning the Debris defense.

It was the last game of the season and the Debris was a dismal 0-9 although Pimp had racked up most of the team's goals. He went on a pregame tirade chastising the team, calling them a "fuckity bunch of motherfucking fucking fuckers". He goes to leave the locker room and starts to flick the lights in a strobe light fashion.

"This is to remind yuns older fuckers what it was like to be young!".

It was at this moment I chose to unburden myself of the truth. I said, "Pimp, I am your father. Many years ago I met your Mom in Studio 54 and we had a brief moment."

I started to flicker the light in the locker room and explained how I briefly bent her over and spanked her while I gave her Rico's passion. I even sang the song by which the tender Pimp was procreated. I told him that I always held his Mom to be special but had no intention of moving to Deliverance country to raise a son.

Pimp was speechless and shook his head. He walked out of that locker with his life changed for good.

For he was the son of a man commonly referred to by his friends as Satan. And now Pimp would have to go through his life as my son, Satan's Seed.

Some of the names and events have been changed to protect the innocent, but the story above is loosely based on a true story.

This post is dedicated to my son, Pimp-n-Playa. Hopefully, the next twenty years will make up for the first twenty that we missed out on.