Missed The Fireworks? Stay Away From The Bright Light!

I don't know about the rest of you, but my Fourth of July evening consisted of pretty much a downpour of rain. Tay and I decided to go see her local fireworks display that was slated to begin at 10 pm. We drove down and parked for a few minutes before we started wondering if they could even shoot off the fireworks in such miserable weather. But, neither of us could remember ever seeing 4th of July fireworks cancelled either.


We noticed that there were a few other parked cars, so we sidled up to one and rolled down our window. It was a cute older couple, probably in their 70's. We asked about the fireworks and they told us that they were there for the show as well but that they heard that the fireworks were not to begin until after the local minor league baseball game.


We drove back to our spot, and after a few minutes I say to Tay, "There's no chance in hell, anybody is playing baseball in this downpour. I don't think the shrivs know what's going on.
Lets go get slushies and come back and wait".



So we get slushies and come back to our spot, open up the back of the vehicle and sit in the back and drink our slushies. After about 20-30 minutes, a car stops and indicates that the ballfield, that sits atop a hill, is deserted and that they just turned off all the lights. I guess we're not going to see a fireworks show after all. I turn towards the car with the elderly couple and then I turn to Tay and utter the following sentence.


"I guess we should go over there and tell them that they're going to have to stay alive another year if they want to see fireworks."


Tay laughs but is horrified.


"I guess that statement pretty much earns my ticket to hell, if I didn't already have one".



"I don't think that you're going to hell. I think that you'll go to heaven but you won't have all the priveledges that other people will have in heaven", Tay reassures.


And then I could picture the scene up in heaven at the pearly gates...


"Okay, I'm here and I'm ready for my wings, Saint Peter".


Jesus himself vaporizes out of thin air next to Saint Peter.


"Are you fucking kidding me?"


"What? Jesus, I didn't know that you cursed".


"Are you fucking kidding me?", he repeats. "You've got some gall showing up at these gates and expecting to get into heaven".


"What?...I was a pretty good person and a great father. Doesn't that count for anything?"


"Do you recall this scene? (and we are taken back to the scene where I just told Tay about the shrivs planning on living another year in order to see fireworks) Your life is chock full of scenes and your insensitive remarks to others."


"C'mon Jesus, I was just having a little fun"


"You see those goddamn escalators that go down? Get your fat ass on them and take a trip where you belong. I can't fucking believe that you had the nerve to show up here. I'm sure they got a gold plated parking space with your name on it, right in the front next to the crip spaces".


"The crip spaces!...pretty funny, Jesus!"


"Okay, okay...pretend I sent you to the escalator and come around to the back gates in about 15 minutes. But don't think that you're getting all the priviledges"


"Okay, I'll only bang the skanky angels. Thanks, Jesus...you the man!


"Sweet Salavation!