My girlfriend, Tay, and I have a long running disagreement. She claims that she writes emails to me that are full of terms of endearment (especially hugs and kisses) and that I usually respond to them with a grunt and a monosyllabic 6 word response.
The first time she told me this, I scratched my head and could not honestly remember sending out such a thoughtless email response. The next day, I checked the email chain. My response to her seemed absolutely fine and appropriate. It contained about 10-12 sentences and the email began with a term of endearment ("babycakes").
The next time we got together, I told her that she was out of her mind and that my response was totally fine. She balked but we just agreed to disagree.
Then came this week. She sends an email saying she missed me (I was out of town) and ends the email with a smiley face with lips emoticon and hugs and kisses. I responded to her and told her that I missed her too and told her that I was looking forward to seeing her.
I get an email back that she wanted a returned "kiss" or "hug".
Then she got a six word monosyllabic response, "are you nuts? that's so gay".
She sent another email saying that she needed a hug or kiss. I emailed back that she'd have to wait for the real thing.
When I got back in town, she asked me why I couldn't just give her an email hug or kiss.
"Because I am a man and I'm not gay. In general, men don't use emoticons or send hugs or kisses at the end of their emails."
"What???, you just couldn't put a kiss at the end of the message, honey?"
"Do I look like a fag to you? Basically, you have three choices.
1) become a lesbian (like on "Fried Green Tomatoes") and I'm sure your girlfriend will satisfy all your emotional needs all the time,
2) date an effeminate guy, who embraces his feminine side and he can ***hug hug kiss kiss*** you all you want. Chance are, he won't be able to deliver the goods (if you know what I mean), but I'm sure he'll be a real sweetheart until you find him in your bed one day going "brokeback" with the cabana boy, or
3) grin and bear it and deal with the fact that in some ways I'm a neanderthal and stop trying to turn me into a fag.
"But I missed you and all I needed was a hug or kiss"
"I knew it. You are crazy just like every other woman in the world. You are absolutely certifiable. I guess it's alright if I'm away banging some skank as long as while I'm doing it, I'm typing you up a few hugs and kisses to get you through the day. C'mon, you're being ridiculous."
"Why is it such a chore for such a simple thing?"
"Because it's not me and it would be disingenuous"
Disclaimer: The previous story uses the term "fag" in a strictly Venezuelan fashion loosely translated as "less than or not manly" and not homosexual. I apologize for the use of the term for anyone offended. I am of South American descent and my English is barely passable.
Are there any other men out there that want to rally to my defense? Do your women demand the same from you guys or am I being totally unreasonable?
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