Basic Instinct 2: I Tawt I Taw Her Ovaries! I Did, I Did!

I just heard on the news today that they made a sequel to Basic Instinct, "starring" Sharon Stone again and it only made about 3 million dollars in it's opening weekend. Is anybody really surprised by this? Oh, I'm sure my buddy Hamdog, the movie reviewer, will give it his customary 7 stars out of ten (I'm still waiting for him to really trash on some movie), but honestly, what idiot thought that America was thirsting for more Sharon Stone tripe?

First of all, she hit the wall, even by my standards, which is pretty relaxed compared to my buddy Meersky.

Second of all, the first movie wasn't exactly a gem.

If they really wanted to make a sequel that would have done box office, they should have done something like this:

Scene 1 (inside a London flat)Girl (naked, preferably Stone about a year later, not 15!) tosses and turns in her dream.

cut scene to the dream

(In a Police Station under bright lights with Newman (you know who I mean) and Michael Douglas looking on).

Girl uncrosses and crosses her legs (sans panties) but this time in super slo mo, taking about an hour and forty minutes to accomplish, instead of the split second in Basic Instinct 1. The "Blue Danube" plays in the background.

Then, girl wakes up, looks around and then falls back to sleep.

Credits roll. Poetry, pure poetry. It probably would represent the best acting Sharon Stone has ever done. Face it, that 2 second scene is the ONLY reason why anyone went to see the first movie.

Hey Sharon, your 10 minutes are up! Boy am I dissing on actresses lately or what? Any chance of us getting a movie starring Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Elizabeth Hurley and Evangeline Lilly as four girlfriends who bond by watching NY Ranger games, while playing Twister in jello with nothing on but Ranger jerseys?

Thank you to America for digging a hole for Sharon Stone.