4.19.2006

The People That You Meet When Using The Restroom - Volume 2

If you remember awhile back, I told a story about the adult daycare facility that resides in my place of work and the nutty characters I run into on a daily basis. The last installment was for the character named The Cheerleader. Today, I give you one of the more depraved characters.

Picture this: You walk into a bathroom that has a row of toilet stalls on the right hand wall and a row of urinals against the front wall directly adjacent to the stalls. The last toilet stall faces the bank of urinals. As you walk in to empty your bladder, you notice a pair of feet in the last stall.

Pretty normal and typical, right?

Well, not exactly because the feet are not pointing at you, they are pointing towards the entrance door with their heels against the wall and you shake your head and do your business because you don't even want to know what the guy is doing in there.

After seeing this several times, I give him a name, Sideways Stander, because by now, I know that he's just standing in the stall sideways apparently not doing anything. I try my best to ignore him but my buddy and fellow co-worker Blue, has a different name for him which sheds light on his stall activity. Blue calls him The Peeper, because it's apparent to him that what the guy is doing in there is standing with his back against the right side wall of the stall and peeping through the small sliver of space in the door that overlooks the urinals. Blue surmises that he sideways stands in there and watches men urinate for as much time as he can until the daycare starts to miss him.

Normally, I don't try to pay much attention to other guys in the bathroom but Blue has hit the nail on the head. If you look at the stall while urinating, you can see his eye studying your every move. He stays in there as long as he possibly can and moves once he thinks he's been suspected. Then, sometimes, he goes to visit the other floor's bathrooms to repeat the process.

It's pretty erie. I actually busted him one day and said "What the Hell, again?" and flushed him out of his porcelain roost. He came suddenly out of the stall with his disheveled hair and crazy look. He didn't wash his hands (big surprise, huh?) and muttered as he evacuated as quick as he could. I caught him in the upstairs bathroom later that day as well.

While he's still lurking around, he seems to pick his spots now. He doesn't loiter in the restroom stall for a half hour at a time anymore.

I really think that the government should pass legislation that adult daycare centers have to be equipped with their own restrooms. The last thing I need is some nut staring at my package when I'm trying to relieve myself.

Some of the characters are amusing, like The Banker and The Cowboy, but others are just as disgusting like The Bleeder. But those will be left for another day.

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