I saw Planet Terror last night. It was supposedly the better half of the Grindhouse double feature. If that's the better half, i'd suggest you just skip 'em both. I thought that these movies were supposed to be fun to watch? I found it to be quite painful and actually preferred a very poor Beowulf movie (with a smoking hot cartoon Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mom) over it. The dialogue was poor, as was the story and the characters reactions to what was going on around them. None of the characters are developed and it's hard to care about what happens to any of them. The best part of these movies are supposed to be the crazy characters and dialogue to go with the sex and violence. This movie offers neither, and is pretty sparse with any real sex and believable violence as well.And even Rose MCGowan doesn't get her leg gun (as shown on the previews and posters until minute 90 (of 96). What an absolute ripoff. A dearth of hot chicks and cartoonish violence where every gunshot spurts out a gallon of pink Nickolodeon-like slime?
What a joke. On the other hand, the Beowulf movie was at least watchable due mainly to Grendel's mom's cartoon milkers.
3 comments:
Bluey...
One of the best of the B movie/fantasy parody genre will always be "Army of Darkness" with Bruce Campbell.
Filled with the iconic chain saw arm attachment, the clay-mation skeletons making up the Army of Darkness, and quirky over the top dialouge like "Bring it she-bitch!!!" and "Gimme some Sugar Baby" make it a classic in my book.
As Danny says to the Sarge "...YOU'RE CRAZY!" I loved Planet Terror, as I raved on my blog a while back. The fun comes from the mise-es-scene of the whole movie, not the specific dialogue or violence. Bad dialogue and a somewhat incomprehencable plot are common in grindhouse movies, so they are also in Planet Terror. I also thought you would have gotten a kick out of seeing a child bite the dust in a horror movie. And of seeing Fergie's decapatation. As for chicks, Marley Shelton was hot. And if Rose McGowan's dance at the beginning of the movie didn't get your blood flowing, maybe you are better off watching cartoon porn. I hear the Lois Griffin is going to wear a slinky nightie on "Family Guy" tonight, maybe you should Tivo it.
Don, I worship at the House of Campbell. I even loved Brisco County Jr., (own the DVDs). The hardcore fan loved him in Evil Dead and most especially as he hilariously fought off (and hacked off)his own hand in Evil Dead 2, the precursor to Army of Darkness. Hell, I hate Elvis and even watched Bruce in "Bubba-Ho-Tep". Bruce is the B-movie God.
Beucky, I'm actually surprised that you liked Planet Terror. It had almost no witty lines, only two pairs of breasts for like two seconds. Rose McGowan might as well been wearing a burlap sack for her pole dance. She didn't even get naked once in the whole movie. It may have been one of the most unsexy things I've ever seen. The few other women in the the movie (this movie was one big sausage party), were passable at best and fully dressed at all times. I found nothing redeemable or enjoyable in this movie.
Yeah, it was a real grindhouse. Maybe for H'mos!
Post a Comment