The Paula Jones Incident

Back in 1998, during my eighth year of marriage to Mothra, there was an occurence so surreal that a story just won't do it justice. I love telling this story but only one other friend witnessed it live besides my ex and I. That was my buddy, Beukey, who sure got a good laugh over it. God, I wish I had that night on videotape. It was frigging priceless!

After the birth of my third daughter, Kitty, my ex was looking for some fulfillment outside of raising three daughters and needed to blow off a litlle steam and get some adult time. I suggested that she pursue her music interests and she quickly joined a band called "Dream Kitchen". The band was a rock and blues band and was awesome. Most of the time when Mothra played gigs, I stayed home with the girls. Every once in a while I would go to her shows but it could be difficult at times watching strange guys hitting on her between sets. Being a very passionate Italian, I kept my distance and tried to let Mothra do the thing that she thoroughly enjoyed while I used the time to connect with my girls. I loved to watch Mothra play but did not enjoy the meat market bar scene.

One night, I talked Beukey into joining me to watch Dream Kitchen play at a bar about a quarter mile away from where I lived. The bar was packed with the usual locals looking for a night out and a chance to get laid. The band was awesome that night and played a lot of upbeat tunes. Beukey and I grabbed a table and started watching the band. It didn't take long before I noticed that we were being watched by some chick and her girlfriend from an adjacent table. The chick in question was a dead ringer for Paula Jones and I mean she looked exactly like her, right down to the large flattened nose. Hell, for all I know, it may very well have been her. Of course that notion was complete nonsense. We were in the middle of bum fuck Egypt and "Paula" was obviously one of the locals. But if Paula had a long lost twin, here she was.

The crowd was so into the band that the patrons started dancing on the 12x12 foot patch of open area in front of the band.

I said to Jeff, "That woman at the next table is looking over here again. Christ, she looks exactly like Paula Jones!".

Beukey laughed in agreement. Paula had a blonde friend with her and after about five minutes came over to our table.

"You want to dance with me?", Paula asked.

"Uh....I don't really dance....sorry", said Bluey

Paula went back to her table and after the set ended, Mothra walked up to our table."What did that girl want?", Mothra inquired.

"She wanted someone to dance with", Bluey replied.

"Why didn't you dance with her? I don't mind. Loosen up and enjoy yourself. I don't care if you dance with her", said Mothra.

"Ok", agreed Bluey.

I kissed my wife and told her how great they were tonight and she went back to her band and began singing the band's second set. I didn't think about Paula any further because I would have thought that it was obvious to Paula at this point that the lead singer of the band was my wife, or at the very least my girlfriend. Sure enough, like clockwork, back came Paula and her blonde girlfriend to sit with us. We listened to the music and made some small talk.

"I really want to dance! Please dance with me.", exclaimed Paula.

"Sure", replied Bluey.

As we approached the dance floor, Martha gave me a wink and Paula and I started to dance together. I think the band was playing a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune. Maybe "If the House Is A-Rockin (don't bother knocking)". Anyway, we were dancing for a minute or so about 4 feet in front of my wife and then Paula decides to do this dance move where she bends her knees mimicking going down on me and brushed her long hair side to side into my groin. I am horrified because I am looking right into my wife's eyes (she's still singing) while Paula is doing this. I was so close, I could have reached out with my arms and touched Mothra. I shrug a gesture that says "this is all your fault". Paula finishes the move by turning around, reaching behind her back and grabbing my ass and was grinding in front of me doggy style. I was in complete and utter shock.

I never admitted it before today but.......it moved...

While she had a firm grasp of my ass, she bent over in front of me, grinding me like she was giving me a lap dance, again I looked up at Mothra.

Mothra was seething. For a split second I thought Mothra was going to brain Paula with her mic stand. By this time, the whole band was aware of what was going on and the guys were laughing their asses off.

When Paula turned around, I took her by the hands and for the next two minutes I did my best to fight her off. After the song I explained to her that I was a married man (god, I was wearing a ring!) and couldn't be dancing with her like that. She said that it was a real shame and that she would have loved to take me home that night. I thanked her for the dance and sent her on her merry way. I sat down at the table with Beukey and he was also in a state of disbelief. We laughed about it but I was still wondering what Mothra's reaction would be. Unfortunately, we couldn't stay through the end of the second set because I had to get back and relieve the babysitter.

"I wanted to kill that fucking bitch!", Mothra said later that night in bed. "If I wasn't in the middle of a song, I would have!"

"You made me dance with her", Bluey chided, "I thought I was getting a threesome out of it!"(Punch in the arm)

"What the hell was I thinking?", Mothra exclaimed.

"You know who she looked like?", asked Bluey.

"Fricking Paula Jones!", shouted Mothra. "I just couldn't get it out of my head. Me and the guys kept calling her Paula all night. I saw her leave with some guy after the second set. He seemed like a real loser. It's a good thing she left before the set ended"

"That could've been me (snaps fingers)...damn!", says Bluey. "Why is it that I always seem to attract all of the crazy chicks?"

"What does that say about me?"

"Ummmmm.....You want to fuck or what?"

That is a true story without any embellishments.