2007 Spring Pilgrimage

Attendees:

Meersky, Griffin, Tracer, Irish, Gavo, Hamdog, Poppinfresh, Erie, Cupcake, Sparrow, Bluey, Trimpdog, Choder, Ace, and Felatio.

We had some of the nastiest weather for the Spring Pilgrimage as it was rainy and cold and all the fields were pools of mud soup. The only outdoor activity consisted of Griffin, Ace, Sparrow, Poppinfresh and Cupcake braving the elements for a few games of Frisbee golf, which Griffin and Ace won. Cupcake provided the shot of the day in Game One with a long throw that hit the chains but just missed the basket.

Horatio Kiper was in charge of the NFL draft board and kept us up to date on team selections. Bluey's Rangers dropped a pair to the Buffalo Sabres as Erie taunted him all week. Axis and Allies, Munchkin, and Texas Hold'em kept the boys busy. Irish's Germany was able to hold off Griffin (Monty) and Felatio (Patton) in A&A. Ace prevailed in the Stones tournament and Griffin and Irish won the Texas Hold'em games.

Griffin, as usual, kept the troops strong with 3 excellent meals and late night spooning. Meersky had the quote of the weekend with "Sucking cock isn't rocket science". He made a quick save by explaining that servicing a woman is a real talent requiring much more effort and skill. We found out which girls were really skilled enough to be waitressess on the most ridiculous reality show ever recruiting girls for Coyote Ugly bars. Bluey pulled a two-fer making both Ace and Sparrow snarf beer out their noses in separate incidents before getting a "Good Night Choder" for his midnight bedtime.

Playoff hockey and movies also made the weather more palatible. Hobbling around on a broken foot did not cost me any problems as the Sugar Hill Invitational, VBP Horseshoes and the Genius-Tard Softball Classic were all cancelled.

All in all, an enjoyable weekend despite the crappy weather. Please feel free to add your favorite memories in the comments section. I'm sure I missed quite a bit gimping around.

Why Is This Bluey's Favorite Commercial?

I love the Geico Cavemen themed commercials, but my favorite one is the airport commercial.

Maybe I am a racist and the only reason I like this commercial because it is the only politically correct way to express my racism, by acceptably picking on an extinct group of people.

Maybe I just love the Royksopp "Remind Me" jingle.

Maybe it's that goofy bowling shirt and old antique wooden tennis racket that he's carrying.

Maybe it's the utter disgust on his face upon seeing the poster insinuating that he and his cavemen brethren are a bunch of mindless drooling idiots.

While I don't exactly know why I laugh at it, I'm more apt to believe that people in general like to laugh at grossly generalized stereotypes of other groups of people.

Kinda like people referring me to as a filthy greasy spaghetti eating wop.

What does that say about human nature in general? I don't know exactly but what I do know is that I can't stop watching this commercial.

Are You Strong Enough To Shake My Hand?

Sheryl Crow has given nasty creedence to the Seinfeld line, "I don't have a square to spare".

Sheryl surmises that a brilliant idea to curb global warming includes limiting your use of toilet paper to one square after taking a dump. Although she did add the caveat that sometimes 2 or 3 squares could possibly be necessary in times of digestive distress. How mighty white of her.

Is she fucking kidding me? Last I checked, it was in Georgia Pacific and other companies best interests to replant their natural resources to insure having a prosperous future in the paper business. Sheryl makes some crazy argument that somehow deforestation is occurring due to us excessively wiping our asses.

In this world where the irresponsible use of paper products is rampant, is this necessarily the place to cut our paper use?

Do you really want those folks at the Jack-In-The-Box making hamburgers after using their mandated one square in the bathroom? Will people ever really shake hands again? It's always amazed me to see how many people leave the bathroom without washing their hands. Will this number decrease after decreasing their toilet paper supply? I wouldn't take that bet. Do we really want to go back to the unsanitary, diseased cholera days of yesteryear to curb global warming?

It's no wonder Lance Armstrong left her filthy ass.

Sheryl, do us a favor, shut the brain off and spare us of your "ideas" and stick to what you do best, obviously better than all the rest of us...wiping your ass. And for the love of God, please wash your hands before you sign autographs...yuch!

The Infectiousness of Radiohead

I know that I've already extolled the virtues of Radiohead and my love of their music but with YouTube, I can't help but stumble onto new and wonderful versions of their music that I haven't seen before.

And for whatever reason, I just can't get enough of it, it just creeps into my brain.

This first clip is Knives Out. This song just hops into my soul and rattles around. I love this video, which shows the beauty in the construction of such a simple song.

The second clip is a live version of Paranoid Android, which incidentally I first saw Radiohead perform as the opening band live at Star Lake Amphitheatre on August 27th, 1996. It was after The Bends album and yet to be released on OK Computer. This is the song that solidified my love of Radiohead after their perfect The Bends album.

I can't exactly explain why I love this band so much except to say that they cannot be categorized and that their music is free form and incredibly infectious to me.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7YuhhRMO4Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzSXTMUe0Do

Atlanta Man Gets His Hole Wrecked!

Kari Lehtonen, Atlanta Thrashers' goaltender tried a new goaltening technique (see picture to right), in an effort to quell the New York Rangers potent offense.

The result? Kari is bleeding rectally after giving up 7 goals in Game 3 of the NHL's opening round of the Eastern Coference playoffs.

"Thankfully, Coach is letting me hide on the bench tonight", said a dejected Lehtonen.

Ilya Kovulchuk, Atlanta's premier forward described Lehtonen's demeanor in the locker room. "He was pretty down. I tried my best to score goals without my stick and my gloves off while fighting Sean Avery, but somehow I just couldn't get the puck in the net or backcheck".

"I'm fat and old and well worth the 1st, 2nd and 3rd round picks that Waddy gave up for me", said veteran Keith Tkachuk.

"Mommy!!! My vagina hurts and Marcel is kicking my ass!", girly boy Marian Hossa was overheard exclaiming.

Rumor has it, Johan Hedberg will be wearing a Depends undergarment under his equipment to hide the fact that he'll be shitting himself under the precision Ranger attack.

How long after tonight will Coach Hartley and GM Waddell keep their jobs? I'm guessing they both may be fired by tomorrow afternoon.

Gooooooooooo Rangers!!!!!!

To Future Psychos

Do us all a favor and put a bullet in your own fucking brains before you decide to kill innocent people.

Fucking Ass Cancer Giving Retards!

Jackass Fired! Racism/Sexism Finished!

Anybody who thinks that the firing of jackass extraordinaire, Don Imus, will make the world a better place is delusional.

Granted, the digging of Imus' hole was long overdue. I could never figure out who listened to him other than 70+ year olds. The only problem I have with his "nappy haired hos" comment he made, was that he directed it at a bunch of college kids. What could they have possibly done to Imus the Shriv to warrant such name calling other than that Imus is an old frustrated bastard? Why pick on a bunch of kids? Whenever you bully those who can't defend themselves, you get what you deserve as far as I'm concerned. Had he called Rosie O'Donnell a fat headed dyke, I'm sure Rosie would have fired back something even more horrible on The View. But Imus chose to cowardly pick on a bunch of kids. To me, that's a no-no. As far as the rascist/sexist overtones, who are we kidding? We hear this kind of shit every day without any repercussions.

Rap music and popular music in general is full of this crap. The Dave Chappelle Show and Sarah Silverman Program (both of which I love), are also full of this brand of racist/sexist humor. We see this type of subject matter appear on our popular movies and TV shows. To a certain extent we have to accept that the freedom of speech means that every once in awhile we are going to hear something that offends us. Does that mean that we should take to the streets and thump our chests at every offense? Christ, has anybody ever watched South Park? If there isn't something to offend everyone on that show, then I'm surprised. But these shows go on and find advertisers.

In my opinion, Imus was an easy target. Rabble rousing criminal, Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson saw someone who could get their faces back in the spotlight. They have acheived nothing more than to get an old man fired from his job. I could give a rat's ass about Imus, but let's see if the gruesome twosome go after the biggest perpetrators of racism and sexism...rap stars. Don't hold your fucking breath because these guys are shams, hell bent on their own self promotion under the guise of making the world a better place.

The Reverend Al and Jesse will continue their hypocritical idiot parade which will do nothing to solve societies ills. But, what do they care? They don't really give a shit about anybody but themselves.

So they brought down Don Imus, who will probably be dead in a year or two anyway. Way to go guys, I can feel that the world is a better place today! Can I get an Amen!

Austeoporosis's 14th Birthday!

No, I'm not celebrating 14 years of bone loss. Bone loss is no laughing matter. But today, my "step-daughter", Austeo turns 14.

Happy Birthday Austeo!

Austeo was spoiled rotten with a hot pink Ipod Nano and an acoustic guitar, rode the bull and danced the "Cotton Eyed Joe" at the Texas Outhouse with her "sistas", Loni, Bebis and Kitty.

Bluey's TV: The Sarah Silverman Program

The Sarah Silverman Show is the new Comedy Central show I am absolutely addicted to. This could quite possibly be one of the most un-PC shows ever to be made. And the best thing about it: the show has absolutely no noble purpose whatsoever! It is totally without any substantial merit. This show could be perceived as the stupidest shows of all time as well, and I would not argue one bit.

And because of this, I give it 5 stars! I love Sarah Silverman and her retarded humor, it's golden.

Some of my favorite quotes from the first season of the show:

Host: I’m sorry but there’s no smoking allowed here.
Sarah: Go tie your balls in a knot, breeder!

Sarah: I'm a full-blooded dyke! And I say "dyke" because I'm like, taking the word back from The Man. Baby, I'm in it to win it. And when I say "it.", I mean "tit," and when I say "tit," I mean "your tit."
Tig: You better watch it. You're getting yourself way over your head.
Sarah: Hmmm, That's funny, 'cause that's where you're ankles are gonna be.

Sarah: If we can put a man on the moon, then we can put a man with AIDS on the moon. And then someday…we can put everyone with AIDS on the moon.

Sarah: (In a Public Service Announcement) Over 50 billion people get HIV everyday. That's one out of three people.

Nurse: Did you ever have a blood transfusion in the 80s?
Sarah: Yeah.
Nurse: (surprised) You did? You had a blood transfusion in the 80s?
Sarah: Oh! (laughs) No, I thought you said, "in Haiti"
Nurse: How long were you in Haiti?
Sarah: Uh...I don't know. That's kinda hard to say I was doing a lot of heroin at the time.

Homeless Man: Spare change?
Sarah: No.(Sarah begins singing again)
Homeless Man: You don't have any spare change?
Sarah: No, don't be a dick!

Sarah: (to a classroom full of kids) “I had to learn the hard way that it is not your sexual orientation, nor your color, or your religion or your race that gets you AIDS. It is your mouth, veins, tushy and vagina.”

Ghost: You must listen to me. This is important, Sarah! Please!
Sarah: Let me ask you something. If you're such a ghost then why don't you talk like (starts moaning like a ghost) this?
Ghost: That is a crude stereotype. Talking like that to a ghost would be like saying the "n word" to a black person.
Sarah: Oh really? Well interrupting a Jewish person while she's urinating is like saying the Holocaust never happened so I guess we're (starts moaning like a ghost) even.

Sarah: I learned so much today, Doug. I learned that orange cough syrup can make your car fly. And I learned that Laura needs a man in her life to feel good about herself. It's sad. Also I learned, whether you're gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know? Because, at the end of the day they're both gross. But mostly I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years. But that younger black women are prostitutes.

Sarah: Laura, stop flirting. Like he's really going to be interested in some sex addict with a tiny vagina.

Sarah: Of course I’ll you move your furniture for a slice of pizza, I’m only human

Sarah: Wait, why wasn’t I invited?
Laura: Well, Natalie said you had some kind of emergency.
Sarah: Yeah, I stubbed my vagina.
Laura: You can stub it?
Sarah: I can, I don’t know about you.

Give the show a whirl. I think that it is an absolute howl. Where else can you get a farting contest that ends in Sarah shitting herself and then sleeping with God (who turns out to be black and an unsatisfying lover by the way).

The show won't cure cancer but is juvenile fun from bang to boom. Quite possibly a potential cancer cure!

Bluey Sidelined, Foul Play Suspected!

Yesterday, while racing my girls and Tay on a running track at twilight, I learned three things:

1. Never run at twilight without contacts in or glasses on.

2. When you turn 40, having footraces against your kids is probably not the smartest activity to be involved in.

3. There just is no trusting that middle daughter, Bebis, who was spotted shortly before race time, placing hurdles in her dad's lane.

Okay, that last point may be unsubstantiated, but never-the-less, I didn't see the hurdle and after I pulled up in a dead heat versus Loni, I went ass over head and broke my ankle.

Even though many evil sonsofbitches are requesting a video of said event to be posted to You Tube, I am emphatically stating that none exists, you heartless bastards.

Feel free to bring over hot meals, massage girls and a bottle to piss in because my stairs will be the death of me. Please bring massage girls after Tay's 9PM bedtime!