7.07.2009

Obama's New Department of Defense Stimulus


The administration's new "Get Tough On Giant Squirrels Initiative" will "save countless military jobs" as GIs leaving Iraq face a burgeoning 9.5% unemployment rate as prospects for their rehire back in the private sector dwindle.
Nancy Pelosi claims that the new initiative will save 300 million U.S. armed forces jobs.
Joe Biden says that the administration "misread" the giant squirel problem and is using it as a way to stimulate the economy.
The administration had no comment as to whether AIG was paying Giant Squirrel czar Christopher Dodd 5k for each pelt to be used in lieu of corporate bonuses to executives.
GM is also denying that 2010 model vehicles will come standard with fur covered seating.
As the dollar has taken a pounding internationally, the Chinese and Russians have scaled back buying government bonds, opting for pelts instead. The squirrel pelt is slowly replacing the greenback's role in world currency.
To combat huge rises in electricity rates as a result of the cap and trade legislation, each U.S. taxpayer will receive a tax credit to receive a Chinese made squirrel coat to keep warm in the winter.
Maybe we were right to have HOPE after all!

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