7.12.2008

2 Point Banana!!!



Tay started Weight Watchers a few weeks back. Since I am a fatty, she decided to recruit me to join her on her diet. She may live to regret the decision.


You see, Weight Watchers operates on a points system. Based on some simple information such as weight, age, sex, etc..., the diet determines the optimal amount of food points you are allowed to eat each day. Every type of food is assigned a point rating based on number of calories, fat and fiber content. Sounds simple enough, right? I am allowed 43 daily points to use as I wish.


Unfortunately (or fortunately), I am a mizer. My goal was to load up as much as possible on zero point foods (such as watermelon, turnips, and a good many fruits and veggies) and be more selective on costlier foods. That was working like a charm for me. Until Day 3, when Tay gave me a banana to take to work for breakfast.


When I got home from work, Tay grilled me on what I ate for the day. I told her that I ate the banana she gave me, drank a cup of black coffee and documented my lunch. She says that the banana cost 2 points.
"What!"
"2 points, a banana is two points"
"Are you friggin kidding me?"
"No"
"Why didn't you just give me watermelon? That's 0 points"
"Bananas are healthy for you"
"Who gives a crap. I could have had unlimited watermelon for 0 points! I wouldn't have eaten the banana if I knew it was two points. You sabotaged me."
"You are being ridiculous"
"You pawned that banana off on me because you didn't want to have the extra 2 points, so you saddled me with it"
"What??! Bananas are a very healthy breakfast. Lots of people eat bananas for breakfast"
"Yeah, they're called stupid people! You sabotaged me."
"Don't be ridiculous, some people think that bananas are the perfect breakfast food"
"Yeah, they're called "monkeys"!!!"
"You're being outrageous!"
"What I'm saying is that if I have a choice between eating 3 pounds of watermelon at 0 points, NEVER give me a stupid 2 point banana. There's nothing about a banana that is so special to make it worth 2 points. I don't ever want to eat a banana again."
"You can't eat that way!"
Then I pick up the Weight Watchers book and start reading aloud all the foods I could have eaten instead of the banana.
"Christ, i could have had a lite beer instead of that banana! You sabotaged me."
"I eat bananas all the time with my breakfast cereal. They fill you up and are high in fiber!"
"Listen, if you want to pork up on bananas that's your choice. Don't try to fatten me up on bananas, okay. Christ, I should have eaten the skin too! Then maybe it would have filled me up. Then again, then you would have told me that the skin was 4 points...right?"
"No. The skin would have been zero. I can't even talk to you about this anymore!"
"You sabotaged me, admit it"
So far, I've lost almost 20 pounds on the diet, Tay about 10. But with her 10 pounds, I think she's lost a certain amount of sanity as well as I pepper her daily with my newest ideas.
"You're jealous of my points (I have 43, she has 28). How about I sell you a coupla points at $5 each?"
"Pistachio nuts (or fill in the blank) are zero points if I only eat three of them."
"What do you mean that pasta is 4 points a cup? I tell you what, I'll eat 2 cups of pasta if you give it to me for 3 points a cup."
"It doesn't work that way!!!"
"Well, then I don't want to even eat any pasta!"
"I just made this meal. You're eating it!!!"
"You're not the boss of me!!!"
...I think you get the picture. And it all started over a simple banana...

No comments:

Bluey's World Merchandise