11.27.2007

Bluey's Hail Mary 170, Blicious 157

Oh...Blicious!!!

The Hail Mary (7-5) win their must-win matchup with Blicious to remain 1 game out of 2nd place and a final playoff spot in the Northern Division. The mudbowl in Pittsburgh prevented Blicious WR Heinz Ward from sinking the Hail Mary season.

Next up is Highmark's ProDonor (7-5 2nd place, Southern Division).

The Northern Division's top two teams, Warriors (9-3) and Birdmen (8-4) square off in another matchup that promises to muddy up the playoff picture.

Chicks With Dicks?

Poppinfresh pointed out one of the most interesting mergers of the year namewise:

"Dick's Sporting Goods Inc. has agreed to acquire privately held Chick's Sporting Goods for about $40 million in cash and assumption of about $31 million debt. The deal, to be financed using Dick's Sporting's existing credit facility, is expected to add marginally to the company's earnings in fiscal 2008 and is likely to be completed on or before Dec. 31. Chick's operates 15 specialty sporting goods stores in Southern California. Dick's (NYSE:DKS) operates more than 250 stores around the country, including two in the Birmingham area."

I wonder if they'll sell strap-ons.

11.20.2007

Birdmen of Alcatraz 155, Bluey's Hail Mary 145

The Hail Mary (6-5) are on life support after a narrow defeat to the Northern Division's 2nd place team. A win would have made a playoff spot pretty much a no-brainer but the Mary came up short.

Mike Shanahan's timeout call to cool off Rob Bironas' 54 yd FG attempt backfired and a missed FG became a 6 pt play when he nailed the rekick.

The Hail Mary face a must win game versus Blicious.

11.18.2007

BS Poker - Gordo, Fare Thee Well Night!


video

If you missed Saturday, Nov. 17th's insane incantation of BS Poker, you sure missed a lot.

We had a record attendence. Attendees included Gordo, Gavo, Meersky, Poppinfresh (+Erie), Highmark, Bluey (+Tay), Irish, Griffin, Choder (+Ames), Francois (+Kimee), Cali (+LiLi), Felatio (Aka The Don), and last but certainly not least, all the way from Awahoo, Senor Hamdog.
The night was conceived as a proper send off to Gordo, who is returning to Florida whilst his Pittsburgh crack house in Edgewood/Swissvale is up for sale.

But Highmark might have received the harshest sendoff of all on Saturday night. With 12-13 guys around the table, we chose to dismiss the reverse in order from hand to hand in order to get the cards to everyone as much as possible. Highmark started the night taking cards from Bluey during the first half and ended the night taking them from Gavo. In the end, he felt similar to the mouse on the bottom of the picture above.

Some excerpts from Highmark's salesmen:

Bluey: "I've got a pair of kings and a pair of queens"
Highmark: "I thought you said that you have kings and aces?"
Bluey: "No, did I? Why? Do you want kings and aces?"
Highmark: "Sure (sarcastically)"
Bluey: "Okay, you've got it. A pair of kings and a pair of aces!"

Gavo: "I discarded the lowest high card. I don't know what a straight is, but whatever Irish handed me is legit. But it has an eight in it, now. So it's a straight with an eight. What ever that means. Listen, I'm just giving you what he gave me. Which isn't much. Or maybe it is, but I wouldn't know."
Highmark: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

A shell-shocked Highmark swallowed the cards in both instances.

Bluey (after being handed those cards from Highmark): "bullshit!'
Highmark: (not even trying to sell it because it came from Gavo): "You are right, it's total garbage"

In both instances, Highmark grabbed his throbbing temple with both hands and wished he was back home feeding and diapering his kids.

Even Hamdog was in true form, making all kinds of side bets on the table's action, and adding to Highmark's misery.

Hamdog: "Side bet....... the pair isn't there"
(Highmark loses again)
Hamdog: "See, you owe me a quarter"
Highmark: "I didn't make any fucking bet with you"

All in all, Highmark ended up with 6 totes on his 8's tote board, which included two doubles for three of a kind 8's.

But the night had plenty of action all around the table, which included newbies Cali and Francois.
Even Cupcake showed up for the festivities, holding up a German potato masher and inquiring:

Cupcake: "There is a fuse in here, is this thing real?" (holding the inert WWII German grenade)
Gavo: "No wonder the pollacks lost the war."
Highmark: "Right Cupcake, we play poker with live 70 year old munitions. And me without my mortar round"

Gavo, who is well known for his ability to depreciate hands, didn't turn a straight into a pair of jacks, but offered this tasty downgrade.

Gordo to Gavo : "A ten a seven and a nine"
Gavo to Choder: "A ten a seven and a six"

The quote of the night also came from Gavo who was holding 3 7's before giving them to Highmark: "I actually drew that 4th seven but threw it out because I didn't know how it would improve the hand!"

Other notable lines:
From Gordo: "Don't Fuckin' look at me...","Zieg Heil"
From Choder: "I'm not the Mayor (of Swallower's Row)!"
Traditional Favorites: "Do I want those cards?" , "You want these cards!", "You can't handle the cards!!!!"
From Hamdog, Gavo and Highmark: The Shingles conversation (you had to be there).

We dined on Mineo's pizza and got to watch clips from Gavo's movie as well. And Meersky for once was not a human stop sign. Go figure!

Please feel free to add your memories to the comments section. It may take my abdominal muscles months to heal from laughing so hard. Thanks to all for making the night pure gold!

Click on the video link above for a small taste of the evening. "I'm Not The Mayor"

11.16.2007

Just Trying To Be Neighborly!

The other day, a next door neighbor came and asked me to hold her step ladder, so she could replace some light bulbs around her house.

Being the fine Christian I am, of course I obliged and was more than happy to spend as much time as necessary to complete the job.

As I laboriously proceeded from one room to another, we must have replaced about 420 burnt out light bulbs.

You can't say that I don't go the extra mile to help my fellow man (or woman).

I went home, feeling quite good about myself, thinking

For some reason, Tay is upset.

I can't imagine why..........



Special thanks to Gordo for finding this nugget! It's great that we all don't have to work for a living!

11.13.2007

Bluey's Hail Mary 130, Flavorfools 116

AP: Bedrock

Bluey's Hail Mary eek out another close win over the Flavorfools to maintain in a second place tie with a record of 6-4.

With LJ out, the Hail Mary also lost Adrian Peterson and things are looking pretty glum if neither running back returns.

11.12.2007

The Feud

People who know me, know what a competitive person I am. My fiancĂ©e, Tay, is pretty much the same way. One of the things we like to do while we watch Family Feud (which, amazingly, is still on the air!), is see who can come up with the most #1 answers during a given episode. Of course, I dubbed myself the “#1 answer machine” and in the past have routinely dispatched of Tay in previous matchups.

Last night, we we’re watching the Feud and things went horribly wrong. Tay immediately scored a #1 right off the bat and took a 1-0 lead. I didn’t feel too bad though because it was a “chick” question, something having to do with things women wear.

The second question was “Thing that you would want a lifetime supply of”. Tay answered “Money”, which turned out to be the #1 answer by far with 58% responding. I immediately started protesting.

“That is a stupid answer. Asking for a lifetime supply of money is tantamount to having a lifetime supply of just about everything else (except for some ephemeral choices such as happiness, peace or love). That’s fucking bogus!”

“Stop being such a sore loser. I’m up 2-0. Besides, your answer was absolutely ridiculous”

At this time, there is only one more answer left on the board.

“If my answer was so stupid, if it’s up there, will you give me the point for the round?”

“Absolutely”, Tay replied.

And the final answer, garnering 3 votes, was “toilet paper”.

“Yes!!!” (I start laughing uncontrollably)

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“1-1 tie….Yes!!!!”

“That is bullshit. Who in their right mind would say toilet paper?”

“Apparently, there are three other people in the world that appreciate having a clean ass other than me”.

“Unbelievable”, Tay sulks.

In the third round, neither one of us manages a point, but we agree to award half a point for the next highest answer. The category is “things associated with Holland”. I select Windmills (#3), while Tay selects Wooden Shoes (#2). We both are surprised our answers are not #1’s. Tulips is the #1 answer. My secondary answer, Dykes…er…I mean Dikes, comes in at #5. But this puts Tay up 1.5-1 point with one round left.

The question is “Words that rhyme with Nerd”.

Tay shouts Bird and is awarded the #1 answer and apparent victory. More answers are given until only one is left. I immediately go into begging mode because my answer is disgusting.

“Please let me win if my answer is up there. C’mon, there is no way my answer will be on a family show”, I plead.

Tay, caught up in her victory, says “Sure, though there’s not a chance in hell your word is up there. But, if it’s not, you have to give up the other point you won with toilet paper too”. She is incredibly smug thoroughly assured of her victory. I quickly agree to her terms.

No one gets the last answer on the show, so in unison, as usual the crowd reads the final answer not chosen.

“TURD!”

“YES!!!!!! I win, I win (rolling off the bed laughing to the point of choking to death)”

“That doesn’t count…I still win”

“Oh, no you didn’t. You promised. I win! (finally catching my breath)”

Tay is defeated and glum. “You have to give me my win back”.

“No way!”, I childishly respond. “I won fair and square”.

“You did not!”

“I did too. It’s not my fault that you were so sure of victory that you would gamble it away to go for the shutout.”

Tay is still brooding over her loss.

11.06.2007

Warriors 182, Bluey's Hail Mary 174.

The Hail Mary again stumble and fail to establish themselves as a legitimate playoff threat, falling back to 5-4, which keeps them in a tie for second place in the North.

The Warriors put a stranglehold on the division at 7-2.

11.04.2007

My New BATV, DirecTV and My Policy

On Friday night, Tay and I hauled a Sony 60" LCD Projection TV from my office, courtesy of Poppinfresh, and set it up in her livingroom. I call it my big-ass TV.

I've never had a TV larger than 27". I sat there and was absolutely mesmorized. Needless to say, I spent the better part of the weekend watching hockey and football on the huge screen and was pretty useless to Tay. I had just gotten DirecTV a few months ago to get the NFL package, so the timing of the TV was perfect.

And then I called DirecTV to upgrade our standard receiver to an HD receiver. The guy I talked to was pretty annoying and the background noise in his office was deafening. I could barely hear him. I was thinking that DirecTV must be operating sweatshops in Indonesia for their existing customer service lines.

He told me what it would cost. It sounded reasonable and I said "okay, go ahead and ship the bad boy". And then he tells me something else.

"I'm going to have to charge you an additional $50 because you haven't been a customer of ours for that long"

"What?"

"You've only had service for two months, so we will charge you $50 which will be returned to you in $5 increments over the next ten months"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Surely you did a credit check on me when i signed up for service in the first place. I don't see a need for such nonsense."

"Sorry, that's our policy"

"You know what my policy is?"

"No."

"You can go fuck yourself for the $50!"

I hung up the phone. Sure, it was pretty juvenile but it sure felt good. I guess DirecTV must be doing pretty good to treat their existing consumer base so shabbily. I guess paying your first two bills on time is not enough for them to float you a $99 HD receiver.

Well, they can kiss my ass. I'm sure at some point, they'll offer a free upgrade and I won't have to pay a dime. What a bunch of jerkoffs.

Sure, I'm cheap and now I won't have HD for the rest of the NFL season. But I'll be damned if I send DirecTV a $50 loan, so they can provide me with a HD receiver.

How ridiculous.

11.03.2007

Bluey's World: 2nd Anniversary

All I can say is wow! I never in a million years thought that I'd be able to keep it going for two years. God knows if anybody is listening, but I'm still talking.

Isn't that what really matters?

11.01.2007

Bluey's Hail Mary 155, Donkeypuchers 126

AP: Skeevemont, PA:



The Hail Mary improved to 5-3, by avoiding the donkey punch and administering the "Poke In The Eye", leaving the DPers helpless and vulnerable to further abuse via the "Hail Mary" in last Sunday's matchup.

Next up are the first place Warriors with first place on the line!

Bluey's World Merchandise