My New BATV, DirecTV and My Policy

On Friday night, Tay and I hauled a Sony 60" LCD Projection TV from my office, courtesy of Poppinfresh, and set it up in her livingroom. I call it my big-ass TV.

I've never had a TV larger than 27". I sat there and was absolutely mesmorized. Needless to say, I spent the better part of the weekend watching hockey and football on the huge screen and was pretty useless to Tay. I had just gotten DirecTV a few months ago to get the NFL package, so the timing of the TV was perfect.

And then I called DirecTV to upgrade our standard receiver to an HD receiver. The guy I talked to was pretty annoying and the background noise in his office was deafening. I could barely hear him. I was thinking that DirecTV must be operating sweatshops in Indonesia for their existing customer service lines.

He told me what it would cost. It sounded reasonable and I said "okay, go ahead and ship the bad boy". And then he tells me something else.

"I'm going to have to charge you an additional $50 because you haven't been a customer of ours for that long"

"What?"

"You've only had service for two months, so we will charge you $50 which will be returned to you in $5 increments over the next ten months"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Surely you did a credit check on me when i signed up for service in the first place. I don't see a need for such nonsense."

"Sorry, that's our policy"

"You know what my policy is?"

"No."

"You can go fuck yourself for the $50!"

I hung up the phone. Sure, it was pretty juvenile but it sure felt good. I guess DirecTV must be doing pretty good to treat their existing consumer base so shabbily. I guess paying your first two bills on time is not enough for them to float you a $99 HD receiver.

Well, they can kiss my ass. I'm sure at some point, they'll offer a free upgrade and I won't have to pay a dime. What a bunch of jerkoffs.

Sure, I'm cheap and now I won't have HD for the rest of the NFL season. But I'll be damned if I send DirecTV a $50 loan, so they can provide me with a HD receiver.

How ridiculous.

Can Bud Selig Be A Bigger Jackass?

I am so fucking irate about the news posted yesterday about Major League Baseball signing an exclusive deal with DirectTV for the rights of the MLB Extra Innings package. The deal is backhanded and smacks of someone in the MLB offices (Selig or Dupay or both?) getting their pockets lined by DirectTV.

The deal is probably meaningless to those who still live in their hometown, but for anyone who is a transplant, this was a fucking stake to the heart of the baseball fan.

Being a New York City native and avid Mets fan, for years I had no option to watch the Mets play except for a game here or there when they were featured on ESPN, TBS or WGN. Then along comes the MLB Extra Innings package and I could watch any Met game of my choosing, as well as any other top matchup of the day. The package was carried by multiple carriers and available to just about anybody, no matter their cable/satelite package. I enjoyed it for the last two years.

Then, some knucklehead gets the bright idea that exclusivity to one cable/satelite company would be more beneficial to baseball and MLB signs a 700M deal with DirectTV to exclusively carry all the MLB games (along with MLB.com), and that DirectTV would also sponsor a new MLB channel including, I guess all the startup costs. Then they turn around and subsidize costs, passing them down the line to the DirectTV subscribers, who in turn will get the pleasure of having the new fledgling station on their cable system that everyone will pay for but only baseball fans will watch.

Bud Selig and the other cronies at MLB signed off on this without even considering a similar deal to the other companies. God only knows who backed the truck up and took kickbacks to agree to such a deal that so obviously screws us transplanted fans.

DirectTV estimates the amount of trnasplanted fans who are interested in this package to be unsubstantial. Those who are unwilling or due to geographical issues, unable to utilize a satelite signal to sign up with DirectTV I guess can go fuck themselves.

So, in other words, Bud Selig has told me to get DirectTV or go fuck myself.

And now he incurs the wrath of Bluey.

Bud, I hope you fucking die tonight and I hope it is a very painful death. Maybe getting caught in a woodchipper or falling into a well and breaking every bone in your body. There'd be enough water to ensure your survival for 10 days or so, but in a hell of a lot of pain. Hell, I'd throw down a Big Mac every other day if it would keep you alive and in pain for a few months. Then your skin would get so waterlogged that it would probably come off like Smucker's jelly and the bugs would probably feast on your decaying flesh. I'm sure your heart would give after a month or two but I wouldn't be that disappointed, since my cruelty only goes so far.

Now, I hear that John Kerry and other politicians are joining the fray. Believe me, they are not doing this out of the kindness of their hearts. Think about it. They are all transplanted baseball fans too, living in DC and forced to watch the pathetic Nationals if they lose their MLB packages.

I'm glad though to hear fans speak up about this, because this is bullshit.

I hope Al Qaeda bombs the MLB and DirectTV corporate office buildings. Hell, maybe I'd be willing to forward them the schematics. Fucking jackasses.

Is it any wonder that baseball has fallen to #2 in this country? You really don't have to look any further than the uneven salary structure to figure that one, but this TV deal shows you the true heart of MLB.

And they are not about the fans.