Why is it everytime I see the coming attractions for the new movie, Crank, do I think of a certain someone who is pictured to the left and our most recent separated at birth candidate for Chicago Cubs pitcher, Kerry Wood?Crank, the movie, starring this particular pilgrimage friend would probably go something like this:
A police officer is injected by a killer with a substance that will kill him unless he doesn't orgasm every 2 hours. The side effects of the drug are excessively dry lips and an itchiness in his upper quads. Our hero is on a quest to find the killer and deal out justice while stopping in strip clubs and massage parlors bi-hourly to get a chub on and a little happy ending in the process, just to stay alive!
The film features a bevy of porn stars in "legitimate" roles, each taking one for the team to keep our city's finest detective hot on the trail!
Mix that in with frequent trips to an Al-Qaeda owned 7-11 for replacement Chapstick and a feminazi owned blue jeans store (as the frequent thigh rubbing necessitates a need for new pants daily) and you've got explosive highjinks to keep even the comatose glue to their theatre seats.
Crank, the movie, coming to a theatre near you. Rated NC-17 for excessive thigh rubbing and lip licking action.
Well worth the $9 admission price.
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