Favorite Quotes: Part 2

"I'd like to stick my dick in her issues!"
My buddy, Irish and I were at PNC Park when some hot young punky chick walks by with her boyfriend. She's got purple and black hair, studs and rings in her ears, eyebrows and nose and a few tattoos. You could tell she has a real pretty face and has a smokin' body. I turned to Irish and said, "Check her out", Irish turns to me and says, "Dude, that chick has got issues!" to which I retorted with my infamous reply.

"Why is it, the only way I can have an orgasm these days, is if I'm choking a dog while someone punches me in the kidney?"
At lunch one day, my buddy Poppinfresh, who is the straightest straight man you'd ever meet and usually not prone to silliness, uttered this sentence imitating the voice of his no nonsense pater familis as a joke. Needless to say, I started crying with laughter and the rest of the luncheon patrons must have been looking at us like we were a bunch of idiots. It took me almost three minutes to stop laughing/crying. I was set off again when Poppinfresh says, "I don't know where that came from".

"This chocolate tastes like dick!"
Uttered by one of my buddies at a long past pilgrimage up north to Lake Erie. This saying never gets old and many foods can be substituted for the chocolate. It never fails to make me laugh.