Orange Girl

In a small card shop close to where I work, there is this very attractive gal who works at the counter. Every day on my walk to lunch I look forward to seeing her for strictly eye candy purposes.

She's much too young for me. She's a bleached blonde but she carries it off okay (I'm not much of a fan of blondes, since I've always preferred brunettes, and the fact that my ex is a blonde, doesn't exactly help matters).

Being that I used to work on a college campus, one of my favorite past-times after I was separated, was girlwatching. Nothing perverted or dirty, just enjoying the scenery, you know. My new workplace location doesn't allow that hobby much. It's kind of like birdwatching under water. Every once in a while a bird comes out of nowhere for a dive. So, obviously I enjoy whatever comes my way, including Orangegirl.

The problem with this girl is that her skin is a Chernobyl shade of orange. She looks like she was caught in a radioactive blast zone or dipped in a pool of Iodine. It's pretty obvious that she must be addicted to tanning salons because she really is an unnatural shade of orange. It's a shame, because, other than her un-natural skin color, she is smoking hot.

After all my years, I do not pretend to be an expert on women (far from it) but could someone explain to me why one of this girl's friends wouldn't just tell her how ridiculous she looks in her orange hue? She looks pretty damn close to the color of the Oompa Loompas, and I'm am not exagerating...that much.

Every time I walk by and look into the display window, I'm expecting her to break out into dance and start singing:

"Oompa loompa, doopidy doo,
I've got another message for you
Oompa loompa, doopidy dum,
Do you know where melanoma comes from?"

I guess I was born so dark, I don't know how horrible it must be to be fair skinned. But orange skin??? I don't understand how that's an improvement unless you are auditioning to be a highway traffic cone. Maybe she's a nudist/NRA member and the tanning gives her the required square inches required by state mandates for hunter safety.

Or maybe her parents are Oompa Loompas. I think that her orange glow would delay male orgasm by 13.4 seconds if my research is correct.

Maybe that's why she does it.