Roger Waters: The Dark Side Of Osama's Ass Tour

September 24, 2006

Tay and I went to see the Roger Waters' show at Star Lake Amphitheatre last night. For the most part, the show was very enjoyable. I still believe to this day that Roger Waters represents the "true" Pink Floyd, while the other guys, David Gilmore included, are a roving bunch of pseudoFloydian hacks.

Waters' music through the years has always understandably had strong anti-war undertones. The guy's father was killed in Anzio during WWII. Maybe he saw little point in that war but I'm sure that millions would disagree with his assessment. It's easy for peaceniks to denounce war for any reason and decry that the tree of liberty is stained with the blood of patriots. They live in an idealistic world where they paint the tyrant tag on just about any political leader. But, I think age and creeping senility has finally taken it's toll on ol' Rog.

I was more than a little annoyed when I saw "Leaving Beirut" on his set list for this tour. The song was inspired by a story where his car broke down in Lebanon and how all the wonderful misunderstood Arabs helped him in 1960 something. The song then uses that story to make a leap about how all Arabs are misunderstood and how they all are a kind, sweet people and that magically, 2006 is no different than 1966. It goes on to imply that the conservatives and religious right somehow fucked up the world in the last 40 years to justify the Islamic extremism we see today.

As if 9/11, which happened on the heels of an eight year Clinton presidency, was somehow our fault. That people I knew were dead because of something we did to wrong the Middle East. Fuck that bullshit.

Finally, he released a balloon pig (a la Animals tour), with the message "Impeach Bush" on it's ass.I have three things to say about all of that. First of all, Waters got some hearty boos from more than a few in attendance including myself. I heard that they booed his sorry ass in New York City as well as he tried the same hystrionics the day after September 11th. Secondly, Waters, in describing the Lebanese people sounds like Sean Penn describing Iraq as having "flowery meadows, rainbow skies and rivers of flowing chocolate where the children danced around with gumdrop smiles".

Sooner or later, the Lebanese people have to be held accountable for allowing extremist assholes to hijack their country. As far as I'm concerned, they are all guilty by association until they do something to fix their own damn country.

Is Waters really that delusional that he can paint one positive experience to encompass and generalize about a whole region of people. And a region forty years later, no less! If you did that with a negative experience, you'd be branded a racist. Thirdly, Mr. Waters can get his sorry limey arse out of my fucking country and take the singing Irish assholes (U2) with him as well. The US is a convenient pitstop for these folks to ring the cash register and spout their anti-US message. Let's see how well he does playing in cities in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Syria.

Lastly, I'd like to drop his sorry ass in Lebanon today and see what happens. Maybe someone can "put him up against a wall" and chainsaw his head from his body. Then he can write a song about it and his offspring can get cheers in Pakistan for it.

My support for Roger Waters has officially ended. Hey Rog, thanks for all the great years of Pink Floyd and some wonderful music but you've gone too far off the deep end, so I bid you a fine adieu and say....Fuck You!

Xenon: Try A Tube Shot!!!

Hands down, one of my favorite pinball machines.

Xenon was an intergallactic slut hell bent on milking the sperm out of the human male species.

Beukey's recent mention on his blog of our obsession with playing Fireball (not to mention Comet and Cyclone), made me remember one of my all time favorite pinball machines. Our campus eatery had the machine and I don't want to even think about how much of my money I pumped into Xenon's vagina er... coinslot.

As you played the game, the blue skinned Xenon would prod you on with some sexy talk as she walked you through all of her erogenous zones on the board. As you started hitting them with regularity she would start warming up with ooohs and ahhhs as you started foreplay by knocking down her targets and hitting all her buttons. As you pumped the flippers furiously, she would start cooing and moaning until she just couldn't take the teasing anymore. In a throaty voice she would utter "Try a tube shot" and she would keep reminding you until you filled her tube with your manhood er... the pinball.

You'd shoot the ball into her plastic vagina and she would absolutely go nuts and cry as if in post-orgasmic passion. If you could wreck her tube a few more times, you'd "knock" her up and get a free game. Overall, money well spent and cheaper than a hooker. Xenon represented some of my first sexual experiences. No one could buck in front of my groin quite like her.

And she never expected you to call the next day!

Pittsburgh Pirates Sweep 2006 World Champion NY Mets

Yes, and it made me sick to my stomach.

The girls and I went to Friday night's game and my girls celebrated the Pirates victory and danced on the Diamonvision screen not once, but twice.

The Pirates took the Nimbus 2000 and cracked it over Metropolitan skulls. The Mets failed all three times to clinch the NL Least.

Loni, Bebis and Kitty played spoilers as they cheered the Bucs on to victory!

I got the last laugh as I beat them when we got home. If you got a problem with child abuse...write your congressman! lol.

Can You Believe What CNN Is Advocating These Days?

This story was lifted verbatim from the CNN website:

Toss that salad: E. coli outbreak linked to spinach

If you have bagged spinach in the fridge, toss it. The Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers nationwide not to eat fresh bagged spinach, saying it may be the source of a multistate E. coli outbreak that has killed one person and made dozens sick. "We're advising people not to eat it," said Dr. David Acheson of the FDA.

I almost pissed myself when I read that headline. Although they fail to mention whether the salad should be "tossed" with syrup or some kind of jelly.

Interesting enough, the FDA guy quoted in the article has a similar name to a student that used to work in our office years ago who was on the "eight year plan". I used to call him "Fountain Boy", because he was a "know-it-all" but his information was rarely accurate. I used to call him a fountain of misinformation and later it was simplified to "Fountain Boy". One day, our supervisor at a group function referred to him as "Fountain Point" and almost cause many of us to piss ourselves laughing. I guess she picked it up from everyone calling him that nickname, but she botched it. Then we started calling him "Fountain Point" and it stuck big time.

And if anybody was an expert on "tossing salad", it probably would have been him.

BS Poker: Skeevemont Style!

Attendees: Meersky, Poppinfresh (+Erie), Herr Gavo, Gordo, Griffin (+Tracer), Blue, HMO Blue, Don Felatio, Jammer, and Bluey.

We all "had a nice meal" of pizza and then proceeded with the poker at two tables.

At the BS Poker table: Herr Gavo, Gordo, Bluey, and Jammer taught Blue the finer points of the game including "lowballing (acting as France to bomb Libya)", "spiking", "acting as the human octagon (as taught by Professor Meersky)", "how to sell crazy" and "swallowing like a circus seal".

I think we made a BS convert of Blue and expect him back for further craziness. Choder also made wonderful use of "Spanking Vader" to entertain the troops and Gavo reprised his role of Dr. Strangelove.

At the Texas Hold Em' table: Don Felatio, Poppinfresh, Griffin, Meersky and HMO Blue played the most conservative game you'll ever want to see. After almost 4 hours, this $5 buy in game had to be settled by a cold hand between Highmark Blue and Poppinfresh (with Highmark winning). The guys played like a bunch of pansies and Irish's crazy betting antics which usually serve to push more chips into the kitty were sorely missed. The Hold Em table didn't provide the BS table a 6th player until almost 3 hours of play! Players suspected that Highmark's playing cards or chips must have been jinxed as the cards were colder than the Iron Beaver in Antarctica.

We jibed to the stylings of the gayest 80's mix imaginable and not a soul complained! Good call HMO Blue! The night also served as Hamdog Benefit Night as the attendees all brought special items to be shipped in a care package to Awahoo. Edgewood and Swissvale were represented and Mr. Bubbles announced that he would make the arduous trip to "convince" Hamdog to attend our next session.

In all, a very fun night, but the split tables cut down on a lot of the usual insane banter. We'll have to re-evaluate the the prospects of lumping them together.

New quote: "Texas Hold Em' is ruining BS Poker!!!"

Overheard on Friday, September 8th!

You and me
We come from different worlds
You like to laugh at me
While I sodomize a squirrell (pronounced "sqwirl")
Sometimes I'm crazy
And you wonder why
I'm such a baby
Cause the Dolphins make me cry (28-17)
And there's nothing left to do.
I only want to be with you.

Last week, I was given about 10 free tickets to a Hootie and the Blowfish concert. I had no interest in going, but figured that I'd try to give them away. I figured that there must be a few closet Hootie fans out there that might want them.

It turns out that giving away Hootie tickets is like asking your friend to accompany you up to the dark empty balcony of a Village People show and expecting a hummer in return for the free tickets.

My Initial Email:

Blue and I are swimming in Hootie and the Blowfish tickets. I have 10 tickets for the Post-Gazette Pavillion show, given to me by one of the guys in our office. I don't plan on attending. The show is for this Friday, September 1.

Just thought I'd ask, since some of you are of questionable sexuality.

P.S. Um...in case it isn't abundantly clear, the tickets are free.
Hugs and kisses,Bluey

The responses:

(From Trimpdog): will there be a special guest appearance by Richard Marx or Michael Bolton? if so, I am soooooo interested

(From Hamdog): You know I'd be all over these, if I still lived in pgh. "Hold my Hand", "I only want to be with you", etc. All good.

(From Gordo): you will have to PAY people to take them....

(From Killer Miller): I heard Boy George will be working as a Janitor and George Micheals will be the bathroom attendant! I can't wait to go! Where's Pimp-n-Playa? He's probably standing in line already with Meersky.

(From Hamdog): Bluey - what's their song about Dolphins in the rain, or something like that?

(Bluey's Response): I'm such a baby cause the Dolphins make me cry....but there's nothing I can do.....I only want to be with you!!!or my personal favorite alternate lyric:You and me, we come from different worlds, you like to laugh at me while I sodomize a squirell (pronounced sqwirl under my literary license), and there's nothing I can do....I only want to be with you.

(From Highmark Blue): You, fully grasping that even going to see hootie is salad tossing with syrup gay, decide to announce that you and another man are quote "swimming in Hootie and the Blowfish tickets"??????It's like saying, "I know this will sound gay but I need some man meat" This is turning into a greek bath house scene from some gay porno.

(From Gordo): i find your comments about sodomizing a squirrel offensive. i was former squirrel trainer for gieco. i taught these vermin to cross the road safely out of harms way...squirrels were not put on this earth to be sodomized or ridiculed...

(From Hamdog): Highmark Blue- are you saying that salad tossing with jelly is acceptable? or just less revolting than with syrup?

It should be no surprise then, I was unable to give away a single concert ticket. Although, if it was Duran Duran, I'm sure Hamdog would have driven back from Awahoo to see Simon LeBon and the boys.

How Fitting and Remarkably Poignant

The picture to the left are Ipod cases with different kinds of dinosaurs on it. The image of such a sight got me to thinking about our country and how fitting it is that they put extinct dinosaurs on an Ipod case. Okay, just a warning, I'm going on a rant, so be prepared. It's these god damn Ipods, they bring out the worse in me.

The Ipod, to me, is a symbol of what is wrong with this country. I'm not talking about the very young or the very old. I'm talking about what the Baby Boomers started and what Generation X (my g..g.g..g...eneration) has continued. We're a nation enamored with toys, gadgets and having the very best of everything. We waste boatloads of money on crap we just don't fucking need. And it's never enough for us. We just go out and buy more and more junk.

Meanwhile, the Baby Boomers, who were a product of a post war US, which was a time of great personal sacrifice, have not returned the favors given by the sweat and blood of the Greatest Generation's hard work. What am I talking about? Kids, children, rugrats.

Our country is so enamored by toys that people are putting off having families or not having families at all. Our generation looks at children as a huge burden and our generation as a whole seems totally incapable of even raising the children they've got. Instead, pawning them off on others to raise.

And we complain about immigration laws. We worry about an upcoming showdown against Islam. We lament the fact that Social Security will go belly up. We're pissed now that we can't continue to turnover homes for fantastic profits now that the housing market is starting to sour as Baby Boomers retire.

This country is in a major crux as far as I'm concerned. We have a nation of great wealth and a preponderance of spoiled assholes that feel entitled to the best of everything with no personal sacrifice whatsoever. God only knows if we'll give anything tangible to the next generation. It won't be large enough to support us in our old age or large enough to fight a war that is coming right at us at some point. Our decadence makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. What we are good at, is arguing among ourselves and creating political rifts that run contrary to what our country was founded upon.

Diversity among immigrants once made our nation the strongest in the world. Now, we shamelessly push our own opinions as gospel to others thereby enhancing the gulf between Americans. Conservatives and Liberals are equally to blame. I heard recently that Al-Qaeda uses Michael Moore's documentary in training their forces. I wonder how that makes him feel. It's sad really.

Do us all a favor. Forget about buying a 800K home. Forget about saving the baby seals and stupid rabbit eyes. Forget about saving souls. Let the Lexus' sit on the dealership lots. If we don't wish to work menial tasks anymore (like cleaning our own homes or cutting the grass!), let's not get upset when the only ones that will do it may not be born Americans. God knows these menial tasks are well beneath us...unfuckingbelievable!

Go home and fuck.

Be plentiful and multiply for God's sake if you can. It's a gift that should not be taken lightly. Take the time and raise your families and let's build a fucking bonfire with all of our Ipods and assorted gadgets and dance like wild indians around them with our children. There is a war coming. It doesn't matter that we don't want it. And when it comes, your families and the people around you will be all that matters. Not the fucking gadgets we spend countless hours slaves to under the guise of entertainment. Maybe you only wanted one child because you think that's all you can afford. But when it comes down to it, who named you as God and promised that your one child would live to the ripe age of 94. After you are dead, who will they have? As a nation, we are setting ourselves up for a great fall. We are trading in the greatest institution, the Family, for the goal to be children forever!

The Ipod with a dinosaur cover is one of the most poignant images I've seen. I just hope that it is not foreshadowing of the future. This is one great nation and I'd hate to see the decadence and complacency that did in the Roman empire work its' same magic. Our nation has the power to change the world for the better, but we seem to be falling into the trap of one that is desperately begging to be entertained 24/7. No good ever comes of that.

It's a real shame that it will probably take a large disaster to make us refocus on the things that really matter. Okay, it's time to step off the soapbox.