Mentas

On our daily lunch jaunts, Poppinfresh, Erie, Francois and myself run into alot of annoying people, namely yentas, but we have now run across the most annoying group of all.

Mentas.

They are mainly white-collar middle aged males who love to sit around and brag and talk obnoxiously loud about their BMWs, their all important jobs, their boats or vacation houses, etc...etc... Each one trying to one up the other and at even louder levels. I didn't think anyone could be that much of an outward self important jackass if they tried. Apparently when you get a group of mentas together, they have not a care as to how they come across to the rest of the world, such as the yenta.

While Yentas love to talk about others and criticize their ways, Mentas mainly talk about how great they are and their possessions.

Christ, what I wouldn't do for a good flamethrower on some days...

Could we really be this shallow as a nation?

An Onion Article (Edited by Bluey)

(Bertram and Maas in earlier times, perfectly content to be at home and not doing anything)

Local Girlfriend Always Wants To Do Stuff
February 9, 2008 Issue 44•06

SALEM, OR—Local resident Steven Bertram is "fed up" with girlfriend Alicia Maas' incessant need to do stuff, a visibly frustrated Bertram reported Monday.

According to the 31-year-old maintenance technician, Maas, 29, regularly insists that the couple engage in an endless series of activities, things, and events, at various times of the day, despite the fact that Bertram would often prefer not to do such stuff.

"Just yesterday she was going on and on about how much she wanted to see a movie," said Bertram, noting that he had, after repeated requests, taken the demanding Maas to a local cineplex only two months prior. "How many movies does a person need to see in a year? Sometimes I just want to relax."

Though he and Maas have dated for almost two years, Bertram reportedly did not recognize the severity of his girlfriend's near-chronic dependence on getting out of the house and doing stuff until six months ago, when she insisted the two attend a free outdoor concert in their neighborhood. Since that time, Maas has asked an estimated 11 times to be taken to dinner, 17 times to go grocery shopping, and, on 20 separate occasions, has expressed a desire to go on a meandering walk without a fixed destination, purpose, or time limit.

The precise number of incidents, Bertram said, is difficult to determine, as Maas has oftentimes enlisted him in activities without first asking, including initiating seemingly pointless conversations lacking any definitive context or subject matter, as well as making plans with coworkers, family members, friends, old roommates, the people upstairs, and acquaintances Bertram does not know.

In addition, an alarming majority of the activities Maas suggests involve standing up.

"I don't know if I can live like this," Bertram said. "On Saturday I was excited to sit back and watch some TV, and then she reminds me that [Bertram's best friend] Jeremy [Durst] is having his birthday party, and so next thing you know, I've got to get up, throw some pants on, and hang out with people all night."

"For once I'd like to do what I want to do," Bertram continued. "She always wants to go somewhere or look at something."

Bertram said that for several weeks he attempted to deflect Maas' demands or otherwise dissuade her from pursuing activities outside their one-bedroom apartment through a series of complex excuses—including a feigned lower-back injury—but met with little success. Recently, he has tried to compromise by purchasing an XBox 360 and several multiplayer games for the two to use together, as well as upgrading the couple's Netflix account to allow five DVDs at a time.

Maas' obsession, however, has shown no signs of abating, and on Sunday she volunteered herself and Bertram to walk their neighbors' dog when they go on vacation next week.

"That's three more nights ruined," said Bertram as he toggled between the popular website eBaumsworld.com and a game of online poker. "I could literally be doing anything else, but instead, I'll be walking a dog. I don't need to always be doing stuff, and especially not stuff like that."

According to behavioral psychologist Dr. Michael Greer, though Maas' irrational compulsion for doing things is extreme, it is by no means uncommon.

"Alicia is exhibiting all the classic signs of what we call 'active behavior'—an impulse to engage in unnecessary and often prolonged outdoor movement that is most commonly found in females," Greer said. "Though we cannot be certain, these habits seem to stem from an innate desire to not be doing nothing."

Added Greer, "All available research indicates that this type of unstable behavior is most disturbing when it occurs early in the morning, after 10 p.m., on weekends and perfectly good vacation days, or before one has a chance to finish the third goddamned disc of the second season of Lost."

Despite repeated attempts, Maas could not be reached for comment, since she was out at the gym or having coffee with a friend or some shit.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The Precious Garbage

I have a problem. My fiancee, Tay, has another love greater than me.

It's called "The Precious Garbage".

Every Monday morning, the garbage needs to be taken to the curb, which is at the bottom of Tay's long driveway. Tay goes in to work a little later on Mondays, so it's up to me to cart the trash to the spot where it gets picked up.

You'd think that the process would be pretty cut and dry. As the son of a sanitation worker, who insisted that the garbage pails be put out the night before Wednesday and Saturdays' pickups for the first 18 years of my life, you'd think I have the experience necessary to get the job done.

Obviously, I forgot the part where you obsess over the trash.

You see, each Monday morning, regardless of the fact that she can sleep in, Tay bounces out of bed, sometimes as early as 6am, to get the precious garbage dressed and ready for the day. Many Mondays she gets up well before I do. No matter whether we have one bag or four, she religiously obsesses over the trash.

One Monday, I showered, dressed and thought to myself, "Wow, Tay's not up". I went to the top of the stairs of the basement, and thought about descending to get the bags and then in a fit of laziness, decided that I felt like taking amnesty from the chore for one day. Tay was still asleep, and I could just use the old standby, "I forgot". Until, of course, I opened the front door...

There were the bags sitting on the front porch! Curses!!!

When I returned that evening from work, I joked with Tay about it and called her the Trash Nazi. But even that term came woefully short in describing her depth of feelings for our refuse.
When I mention that we should be burning the paper trash in our burn barrel, she immediately went on the defensive and protected her baby saying that we lack a separate trash container for it.

Now when ever I refer to our refuse, I call it "The Precious Garbage".

People reading this blog are probably now thinking that I am embellishing the story, exagerating to make a more simple point or that Tay must think that I'm just too lazy to take out the trash.
And I might have been swayed into that mode of thinking until this Monday.

You see, Tay gently woke me up for work and reminded me about taking "The Precious Garbage" with me. Groggily, I showered, shaved and dressed and sure enough the bags were waiting for me on the porch, probably kissed goodbye by Tay before I even got my sendoff.

I dropped the bags at the bottom of the driveway and proceeded to drive the half hour or so to work. I pulled into the parking garage and noticed nobody parked there. Then it dawned on me. I set no alarm to wake me up because I had the day off! In her clamoring to see off "the precious garbage", Tay sent me to work on a holiday!

Feeling like a jackass and wanting to strangle her, I returned home.

"I told you I had the day off! Why did you wake me?"

"I forgot"

"But you didn't forget the precious garbage, did you?"

"Well, I guess not"

"It figures. You love the precious garbage more than you love me"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"You woke me up and sent me to work on a holiday just because of your obsession over the precious garbage and it probably doesn't even get picked up until tomorrow!"

"Sorry"

And that's all she wrote. I have a fiancee who is in love with the precious garbage while only really loving "the idea of me". What's a guy to do?

Gavo: Trib-Review "Trapped" Promotion

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know all about "Trapped", a movie co-written and directed by my buddy Gavo that is due out soon. Here is a Pittsburgh Tribune Review article promoting my buddy Gavo and his upcoming movies.

Sentimental Hogwash!

People who know me know I hate this bullshit "holiday".

It is a day where our women encourage corporate America to sodomize us men and somehow we're expected to be thankful for it and love it.

If you need some huge "show" to verify our love, maybe you're with the wrong man in the first place, baby!

Star Wars Animated Feature

Props to my buddy Spectre Zero, who is currently directing a new Star Wars animated full length feature and cartoon series.

He's been hard at work for a long time and I'm excited to finally see the fruits of his labor. Congrats!

This Is What Republicans Get If They Stay At Home on November 4th

With four to six Supreme Court justices at the age of 68 and greater, the next president may choose several replacements for the bench.

"Conservative" Republicans beware! Sit on your fat ass in November and the Democratic Party may just choose to clone Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the clones will sit on the bench and thwart Constitutional law for 30 years. Activism from the bench would become the norm. Make no mistake, a non vote is a vote for Hillary/Obama.

Also, I really don't want this blog to get too political but I found another interesting article today regarding the fine residents of Berkely, CA. It seems like they wish to kick US Marine recruiters out of their city. God Save these fools from themselves. Can't we just saw California and set it adrift in the Pacific? All the criminals fleeing justice and gold rush loons of yesteryear have really sprouted a state of whackjobs.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/02/07/berkeley.protests/index.html

Republicans Against McCain?

After a long discussion of politics this past Sunday during the SuperBowl, I've come to the following realization. The Democrats have put up, in my opinion two candidates that are too far to the left and the right wing radio nut Republicans claim that they will refuse to support a "liberal" John McCain for office, threatening to vote for Hillary instead. How crazy is that?

I hear Rush Limbaugh, Mike Savage, Sean Hannity and others crying about Romney trailing McCain. They blame backroom deals and the split vote with Huckabee, the process, waah, waah, waah. According to them, no existing Republican is "conservative" enough for them. I'm fucking sick of hearing it. Maybe, just maybe, these guys are so far right that it's time to pull their heads out of their collective asses and realize that the clear majority of Republicans won't support the type of right wing nutjob they'd like to see run for president.

I think that it is time for both parties to shave off their extremists and come together in the middle to solve the country's problems already. If you're against an idea solely because the other party is for it, you qualify as an extremist. Our nation has been ripped apart by crooked politicians fighting their partisan wars. We are their lambs that have been brainwashed to tow their party lines. Enough is enough. Part of me hopes McCain reaches across and makes Joe Lieberman his Vice President just to further piss off the right wing nuts.

They claim McCain is a liberal Republican. That is total nonsense. There are conservatives and moderates in the Republican party. There are no liberals in the Republican party. A candidate may disagree with the party line on a few issues, but does this make him/her a liberal? I don't believe that for one second. And I'm tired of playing the violin while right wing extremists complain like little bitches. Get over it. Election time will come and you'll vote for McCain and guess what, life will go on. And you'll have 4 more years of material to complain about.

It's really time for Republicans and Democrats to take back our political process by jettisoning the nuts on both sides. Let them form their own crazy splintered parties. We spend a ton of money on unpassable bills that need too much backroom dealing to get House and Senate approval. A bill is either good or bad on its' own merit. Politicians buy and sell their votes and agree to pet spending projects to push their bills. They should go to fucking jail for this. The two parties working constantly against each other costs the US a ton of money and we get nowhere. I would suggest that it will eventually tear this country apart irreparably.

I would remind my fellow conservatives that the US is a democracy, which pretty much means that majority rules. If you have a problem with that, you are living in the wrong country. If you're trying to force all of your ideas down America's throat and are surprised that you get pushback, you're just as looney as the left wing idealist who think that the world is a wonderful place filled with chocolate rivers, unicorns and rainbow skies.

I read a great article by Roland Martin addressing this conservative problem today. Give it a read. It makes total sense to me.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/06/roland.martin/index.html

Tax Rebates?

I'm really getting sick of the bipartisan offer of "tax rebates" to stimulate the economy. First of all, with the Fed printing money like mad and lowering discount rates to bail out banks, is it wise to start handing out free cash? Of course, Republicans will point out that it is not free cash, it's a tax rebate. Well, it may have been, until the Democrats got involved.

Now, the Democrats want to include retirees, unemployed veterans and the poor. Last I checked, none of these groups pay taxes in the first place. How the fuck exactly is that a rebate?

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the old and the poor. It's just that, by targeting these groups, we are simply handing out free money. That, plus the fact that the old will probably save and not spend the cash, and the poor will probably spend the money on food, illegal drugs and alcohol. Hardly a stimulus to the economy.

I like Mike Huckabee's idea to use the money to build infrastructure such as roads, bridges and tunnels. Sure, it will not be a quick stimulus, but it would be money better spent and maybe we can actually get some of these roads under construction finished instead of using the existing dollars to keep a finite amount of highway workers employed forever fixing each road at such a painstaking rate. This idea would open up tons of new jobs for the unemployed poor.

I'm sick of the government trying to bail everyone out, from stupid rich banks holding huge positions of subprime debt, idiotic greedy homebuilders who built way too many overpriced homes regardless of future slowing demand, the retarded middle class buying 300K+ homes that they couldn't afford and others in society that make little to no effort to pull themselves up out of poverty.

God forbid you are a responsible citizen who has exerted fiscal responsibility in your life. You get taxed to death and are forced to carry the burden of the rest of the country's retards.

Of course the whole thing has become politicized for election gains. That makes the idea of tax rebates right now even a worse idea. They are simply a feelgood gesture and will not prevent a recession, even if done correctly.

One Is The Loneliest Number!

One aging defense.

Abandonment of any running game in Week 1.

First Class jackass for a coach.

Eighteen wins made insignificant by one loss.


The New England Patriots pulled off, I believe, the biggest choke job in the NFL history because they underestimated their opponent. They saw their eighteen wins as a testament to their own greatness and believed that they were untouchable.

Then the NY Giants front four treated Tom Brady like a rag doll. They are the true MVPs of this game. Granted, the Giants offense did just about everything to keep from scoring and blew more than a few opportunities to turn up the heat on the Patriots, but the defense held its' ground. To the Giants offense some credit for holding the ball must be given, but the true stars were on defense. Except for the play of the game which belonged solely to Eli and David Tyree. Both made once in a lifetime plays on the same snap of the ball!

Belichick was his usual smug self and didn't even watch the Patriots play offense. The Pats defense was huffing and puffing on the Giants first offensive series. That was a pretty key indication that they were not up to the task at hand. I think Belichick realized this and spent a lot of time in defense damage control instead of taking the reins of the offense. Tom Brady's mind seemed to be in bed with Gisele through much of the game. He made some lame passes and could not move at all. He showed no willingness to adapt or adjust to the Giants defense. Either his ankle was alot worse than reported or he just didn't give a shit. He seemed pretty pissed that he couldn't just phone his performance in.

Anyway, congrats to the G-Men, for one hell of a game! Good thing they chose to wait another year to run Eli and Coughlin out of town! Strahan has to be happy he decided against the retirement nonsense and I can't even begin to feel how much of a loser that Tiki Barber feels like. Maybe he learned a lesson. Like when to shut his big fat trap and just play the damn game.

Leave the bullshit talk to Bluey.

Hooray for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The NFL's best team ever!

Durango Tail-Light: Before Petey And After!

The tail-light on the left was what my new Durango's unit used to look like. That was before I made the mistake of parking too close to Petey #1 (Tay) in our parking area. The light on the right is the after picture, not to mention a dented bumper.

You see, apparently some people back up vehicles in the morning without checking any rearview mirrors, even though they had to walk around said vehicle to get to theirs.

Some people have too many things on their mind to give a cursory look back before running over the family pet, schoolchildren or, in this case, my vehicle.

"There's not usually anything there. I can't be responsible with having to look back".

Thank God we don't live in a school zone.

He's Got The Whole World In His Hands!

Pitching in Shea stadium, a notorious pitcher's park, with the Mets offense supporting him, how many games can Johan Santana win?

The New York Mets, not only got the best pitcher in the majors but gave up almost nothing to get him.

Kudos to Mets GM, Omar Minaya, who may have singlehandedly brought multiple world championships to the Mets with this deal. Now it's up to David Wright, Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran et al. to develop their killer instinct and start trouncing people. Last year they played like they were happy to win by one run every game.

The Mets should win the east by 15 games and lap the rest of the NL as well. Anything short of a championship will be a disappointment.

Five Peteys On Board

Finally!!!

The license plate celebrating my sweet and precious yet annoying cargo has arrived.

Girls, girls, girls...fifteen bags for a two day trip...

Girls, girls, girls...9 lip gloss and ten lip sticks...

What's the chances that I can get the five peteys to wash the car???

Bluey Obituary: Heath Ledger

I actually liked Heath Ledger as an actor and also posthumously forgive him for his Brokeback Mountain role as a gay cowboy. How big of me...huh?

It's always a shame when someone so young dies. I don't really care to speculate on whether it was a drug overdose, suicide or Mary Kate Olsen that killed Mr. Ledger. I'll leave those wild accusations and charges to Nancy Grace.

But, as uninterested in the Batman movies as I have been, the pictures of Ledger as the Joker, is really sucking me in. The movie execs are talking about reducing Heath's exposure in future ads promoting the movie. This is a pansy-assed mistake.

If it was me who was dead, I'd want the show to go on. This will be one of Heath's last two chances to carve out his place among his peers. So, build up the movie by any means necessary. I'm sure Heath would have as many people see this movie as possible.

I really liked him in "The Patriot", the modern Shakespearean adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew, "10 Things I Hate About You" and also have a soft spot in my heart for "A Knight's Tale".

It sounds like he went gently into that good night. What more can you ask of death?

Moron TV

Nancy Grace may be the nastiest witch I've ever seen on television. I know this post is going to offend some people I know but so be it.

If you watch this cunt spew hatred on a nightly basis...you are a moron.

As if the news isn't sensationalist enough, we get to watch Nancy sit in her throne and speculate the worst possible scenarios for each news story. Like, somehow, placing extra blame is going to make everything okay.

The news is horrible enough. The justice system is unperfect. I get it. I don't need to get all riled up by some satanic yenta who obviously has an axe to grind with the world. Hey Nanc, how about popping a bottle of Midol and calling it a day?

I guess it's a good thing that she's venting her spleen on TV and not actually forming lynch mobs.

Bienvenidos Al Mejico!

Apparently, there are a handful of American landowners on the US-Mexico border that are balking about letting American surveyors on their property to begin work for the border fence. They have taken to suing the government.

I could really care less whether we build a fence or not, since Mexicans will find a way here regardless of any physical barrier, but I'm aware of eminent domain, in which people lose their property to even more nonsensical things every day.

But the story made me chuckle because I thought of the perfect American solution to that problem. Build the fence between their property and the United States and renounce their citizenship. Crisis solved.

Congratulations, now you are a Mexican!

Yoko Romo

The funniest thing I heard last week before the Dallas Cowboys' demise, centered around the Jessica Simpson jinx. One reporter refered to her as Yoko Romo.

Now, I'm not a superstitious man, but apparently Tony Romo left her at home and they still lost to the NY Giants this past weekend 21-17.

If I were Tony Romo, I would have defended her in the following Lennon-esque fashion.

"All I am saying...is give my "piece" a chance!"

Malkin + Pens 4, NY Rangers 1.

Bebis and I attended the Pens-Ranger game tonight for her birthday. As usual, she brought the Pens luck and they whipped my precious Blueshirts.

Evgeny Malkin was a one man wrecking ball, popping in an empty netter at the end for the hat trick. He's turning out to be quite the Ranger killer.

Bebis also caught a T-shirt from the Pens cheerleaders, making a spectacular reaching grab whilst among a legion of thirty something males. I told Bebis that is the last time I take her to a Ranger game. They are 1-3 with her in attendance.

Bluey Is Officially A Media Whore

Today, I did my first stint on the radio, appearing on Bloomberg Radio speaking about Biotech and Pharma stocks and their prospects for 2008 with Charlie Stein.

There's No Crying in Election Campaigns

Last night, Tay and I were laying in bed watching TV and a story came on about Hillary winning the NH primary.

"She was crying the other day about losing in Iowa", Stacey exclaimed.

"I'm sure that the crying fit was a calculated move by her spin squad", I cynically replied.

"No. I saw it. She was actually crying! Who the hell wants a president who is going to flake out and start crying the moment things seem to be going against them?"

"Apparently the women of New Hampshire do"

"That is bullshit. I don't want some crybaby as my president", Tay replied.

It made me think. I never really thought much about Hillary's despair after Iowa. Maybe because having five peteys of my own, I'm used to women getting emotional and think nothing of it.

But, what does it really mean, if anything? Does it imply an inherent weakness that is inconsistent with the qualifications of a presidential candidate? The more I think about it, the more I am in agreement with Tay's statement.

But I guess I don't take it too serious, because I feel that Hillary is absolutely unelectable. Too many people despise her. She'd have to get overwhelming support by women nationwide to even have a prayer and conservative women can't stand her.

But should her teary eyed despair disqualify her from consideration in voters eyes? Any thoughts?

Grindhouse: Planet Terror

Happy New Year to All! Welcome back to the fourth calender year of Bluey's World.

I saw Planet Terror last night. It was supposedly the better half of the Grindhouse double feature. If that's the better half, i'd suggest you just skip 'em both. I thought that these movies were supposed to be fun to watch? I found it to be quite painful and actually preferred a very poor Beowulf movie (with a smoking hot cartoon Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mom) over it. The dialogue was poor, as was the story and the characters reactions to what was going on around them. None of the characters are developed and it's hard to care about what happens to any of them. The best part of these movies are supposed to be the crazy characters and dialogue to go with the sex and violence. This movie offers neither, and is pretty sparse with any real sex and believable violence as well.

And even Rose MCGowan doesn't get her leg gun (as shown on the previews and posters until minute 90 (of 96). What an absolute ripoff. A dearth of hot chicks and cartoonish violence where every gunshot spurts out a gallon of pink Nickolodeon-like slime?

What a joke. On the other hand, the Beowulf movie was at least watchable due mainly to Grendel's mom's cartoon milkers.

Things I Never Thought I'd Ever Do

Being a New York City native, there are some things that I thought I'd never do or be able to do. Such as herding longhorn cattle on a quad.

My newest exploit is designing and building a chicken coop for my daughter, Kitty's chicken, who we call Churkey.

It's about 75% finished and I hope to complete it this week. I'll post a picture of my completed work soon. I'm hoping to win a blue ribbon in Modern Chicken Coop Design at the Washington County fair in 2008.

Tay tells me that there is no such thing. That's a real killjoy since I never won a blue ribbon in my life. I want one bad!

Is Democracy Even Achievable in Pakistan?

On the heels of the Bhutto murder, one has to wonder if democracy is possible or even something that should be pushed by the international community. With literacy at about a paltry 25% in the country and mullah run schools providing the majority of education, one wonders if a benevolent dictatorship such as the one Musharraf has employed, isn't the best choice.

With radical Islam running rampant in a nuclear country, a democracy could possibly put these weapons in the hands of an extremist. Pakistan really needs to step up and take back control of the education of it's young. While under any other circumstance, I would be against this idea, it is evident that the mullahs are raising a population of extremist nuts.

If it does prove out that Islamic fanatics like Al Qaeda are responsible for Bhutto's death, the US and the rest of the world would do well to support Pakistan's President Musharraf and call for the proper education of the future generation of Pakistan. As a nuclear nation, the world has to hold Pakistan responsible to who holds power in that country. A 25% literacy rate is abysmal in a country with the potential for such destruction. It's about time the world makes an effort to educate the masses.

Or the mullahs will continue to generate new generations of suicide bombers and nuts. For the time being, I wouldn't mind seeing the UN and Pakistan cleaning out the tribal areas of Pakistan as a start.

Trapped: Trailer

My buddies Gavo and Hamdog have released a few trailers for their upcoming movie, which will come out in spring/summer.

Here is a peek. Enjoy, and I encourage you to see it when it is released. I'll update when I have a date.

A Voice Of Reason During "Sparkle" Season!

I have been so fed up with the politically correct assholes taking Christ out of Christmas because they consider it offensive. These are the same retards that invented Pittsburgh's "Sparkle" season that tried to exploit the holiday for potential business opportunity, without giving any acknowledgement of Christianity whatsoever. I usually say "fuck them" to those offended by Christmas. I realize that isn't exactly a Christ-like way to feel about it but I could give a crap. Why does everyone put Judaism and Islam on a pedestal while Christianity seems to be the red headed step child? Well, I know the answer to that question, but that is for another day.

Why is our most sacred holiday whored out for the masses? Can't we make a gift whoring holiday out of Rosh Hashanah or Ramadan instead? No, God forbid we bastardize a Jewish or Islamic holiday.

I think Christians should finally put the silliness surrounding the holiday to rest. I read an article today that puts forth a nice idea for the holiday going forward. Please enjoy.

Let's stick it to the masses and as Christians "keep it real". Peace.

Calvin's Snowmen

Poppinfresh recently forwarded me this link to a panel of classic Calvin and Hobbes "Snowman" cartoon panels. Please enjoy with a nice cup of hot chocolate!

Gore To US and China:

"Solve Global Warming Or Else...

This quote was taken from a news story from last week. It cracked me up. Al Gore threatens the US and China! You just can't beat the cajones on Mr. "I won a Nobel peace prize on the backs of other people's research" Gore. What a jackass!

...I'll Take Away The Internet I Created!" (okay I made up the last part, but I'm still kinda wondering what the US and China's punishment will be if they fail to act on global warming)

If I Stick A Needle In My Ass...

So, I guess Roger Clemens was washed up in the late 90's after all. Then, he decided to start getting shot up with HGH and steroids to keep the 17M/year payroll gravy train rolling.

Not exactly a surprise to me. Clemens' career was in the toilet when he left the Bosox. It certainly explains his rebirth with the Jays/Astros and Yanks.

How about the Houston Astros, who have to be sick that they just parted with 5 prospects for Miguel Tejada about 2 days before he was outed as well.

People are already talking about how this affects the HOF voting. I think that all these guys should be kept out by the sportwriters and leave it up to their peers, the veteran's committee, to make these selections. Something tells me, that would be devastating to all these guys.

Sportswriters are such fucking saps. I could guarantee that after making a one year statement by leaving them off the ballot, they all will get into the HOF. But in this case, why not leave it up to the players?

Bluey's Hail Mary (9-5) Misses Playoffs!

The DyNasty helmet says it all. After the Hail Mary dispatched DyNasty 100-93 in Week 14, it played the waiting game to find out if the team was playoff bound.

The Warriors and Birdmen (both 10-4) won their final matchups to bounce the Marys. Brio was an 8yd reception by Marques Colston short of beating the Birdmen and sending the Hail Mary to the playoffs. Colston dropped two such passes in the last 3 minutes to seal our fate.

So, a 9-5 season and no playoffs. Unbelievable. I'm bitter.

Bluey's Hail Mary 151, ProDonor 111

AP-Highmark Field:

The Hail Mary (8-5, 3rd place -North) continued to make the case for their playoff push by defeating ProDonor (7-6, 2nd place -South). With only one game to go in the regular season, the Hail Mary trails both the Warriors (9-4) and the Birdmen (9-4) by one game.

The Hail Mary close the regular season against DyNasty (5-8). The Warriors play proDonor while the Birdmen visit Brio (9-4, 1st place -South). The Hail Mary holds the tiebreaker versus the Birdmen and would have to outscore the Warriors by 5 points to acheive the tiebreaker advantage.

Bluey's Hail Mary 170, Blicious 157

Oh...Blicious!!!

The Hail Mary (7-5) win their must-win matchup with Blicious to remain 1 game out of 2nd place and a final playoff spot in the Northern Division. The mudbowl in Pittsburgh prevented Blicious WR Heinz Ward from sinking the Hail Mary season.

Next up is Highmark's ProDonor (7-5 2nd place, Southern Division).

The Northern Division's top two teams, Warriors (9-3) and Birdmen (8-4) square off in another matchup that promises to muddy up the playoff picture.

Chicks With Dicks?

Poppinfresh pointed out one of the most interesting mergers of the year namewise:

"Dick's Sporting Goods Inc. has agreed to acquire privately held Chick's Sporting Goods for about $40 million in cash and assumption of about $31 million debt. The deal, to be financed using Dick's Sporting's existing credit facility, is expected to add marginally to the company's earnings in fiscal 2008 and is likely to be completed on or before Dec. 31. Chick's operates 15 specialty sporting goods stores in Southern California. Dick's (NYSE:DKS) operates more than 250 stores around the country, including two in the Birmingham area."

I wonder if they'll sell strap-ons.

Birdmen of Alcatraz 155, Bluey's Hail Mary 145

The Hail Mary (6-5) are on life support after a narrow defeat to the Northern Division's 2nd place team. A win would have made a playoff spot pretty much a no-brainer but the Mary came up short.

Mike Shanahan's timeout call to cool off Rob Bironas' 54 yd FG attempt backfired and a missed FG became a 6 pt play when he nailed the rekick.

The Hail Mary face a must win game versus Blicious.

BS Poker - Gordo, Fare Thee Well Night!

If you missed Saturday, Nov. 17th's insane incantation of BS Poker, you sure missed a lot.

We had a record attendence. Attendees included Gordo, Gavo, Meersky, Poppinfresh (+Erie), Highmark, Bluey (+Tay), Irish, Griffin, Choder (+Ames), Francois (+Kimee), Cali (+LiLi), Felatio (Aka The Don), and last but certainly not least, all the way from Awahoo, Senor Hamdog.
The night was conceived as a proper send off to Gordo, who is returning to Florida whilst his Pittsburgh crack house in Edgewood/Swissvale is up for sale.

But Highmark might have received the harshest sendoff of all on Saturday night. With 12-13 guys around the table, we chose to dismiss the reverse in order from hand to hand in order to get the cards to everyone as much as possible. Highmark started the night taking cards from Bluey during the first half and ended the night taking them from Gavo. In the end, he felt similar to the mouse on the bottom of the picture above.

Some excerpts from Highmark's salesmen:

Bluey: "I've got a pair of kings and a pair of queens"
Highmark: "I thought you said that you have kings and aces?"
Bluey: "No, did I? Why? Do you want kings and aces?"
Highmark: "Sure (sarcastically)"
Bluey: "Okay, you've got it. A pair of kings and a pair of aces!"

Gavo: "I discarded the lowest high card. I don't know what a straight is, but whatever Irish handed me is legit. But it has an eight in it, now. So it's a straight with an eight. What ever that means. Listen, I'm just giving you what he gave me. Which isn't much. Or maybe it is, but I wouldn't know."
Highmark: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

A shell-shocked Highmark swallowed the cards in both instances.

Bluey (after being handed those cards from Highmark): "bullshit!'
Highmark: (not even trying to sell it because it came from Gavo): "You are right, it's total garbage"

In both instances, Highmark grabbed his throbbing temple with both hands and wished he was back home feeding and diapering his kids.

Even Hamdog was in true form, making all kinds of side bets on the table's action, and adding to Highmark's misery.

Hamdog: "Side bet....... the pair isn't there"
(Highmark loses again)
Hamdog: "See, you owe me a quarter"
Highmark: "I didn't make any fucking bet with you"

All in all, Highmark ended up with 6 totes on his 8's tote board, which included two doubles for three of a kind 8's.

But the night had plenty of action all around the table, which included newbies Cali and Francois.
Even Cupcake showed up for the festivities, holding up a German potato masher and inquiring:

Cupcake: "There is a fuse in here, is this thing real?" (holding the inert WWII German grenade)
Gavo: "No wonder the pollacks lost the war."
Highmark: "Right Cupcake, we play poker with live 70 year old munitions. And me without my mortar round"

Gavo, who is well known for his ability to depreciate hands, didn't turn a straight into a pair of jacks, but offered this tasty downgrade.

Gordo to Gavo : "A ten a seven and a nine"
Gavo to Choder: "A ten a seven and a six"

The quote of the night also came from Gavo who was holding 3 7's before giving them to Highmark: "I actually drew that 4th seven but threw it out because I didn't know how it would improve the hand!"

Other notable lines:
From Gordo: "Don't Fuckin' look at me...","Zieg Heil"
From Choder: "I'm not the Mayor (of Swallower's Row)!"
Traditional Favorites: "Do I want those cards?" , "You want these cards!", "You can't handle the cards!!!!"
From Hamdog, Gavo and Highmark: The Shingles conversation (you had to be there).

We dined on Mineo's pizza and got to watch clips from Gavo's movie as well. And Meersky for once was not a human stop sign. Go figure!

Please feel free to add your memories to the comments section. It may take my abdominal muscles months to heal from laughing so hard. Thanks to all for making the night pure gold!

Click on the video link above for a small taste of the evening. "I'm Not The Mayor"

Just Trying To Be Neighborly!

The other day, a next door neighbor came and asked me to hold her step ladder, so she could replace some light bulbs around her house.

Being the fine Christian I am, of course I obliged and was more than happy to spend as much time as necessary to complete the job.

As I laboriously proceeded from one room to another, we must have replaced about 420 burnt out light bulbs.

You can't say that I don't go the extra mile to help my fellow man (or woman).

I went home, feeling quite good about myself, thinking

For some reason, Tay is upset.

I can't imagine why..........

Special thanks to Gordo for finding this nugget! It's great that we all don't have to work for a living!

Bluey's Hail Mary 130, Flavorfools 116

AP: Bedrock

Bluey's Hail Mary eek out another close win over the Flavorfools to maintain in a second place tie with a record of 6-4.

With LJ out, the Hail Mary also lost Adrian Peterson and things are looking pretty glum if neither running back returns.

The Feud

People who know me, know what a competitive person I am. My fiancée, Tay, is pretty much the same way. One of the things we like to do while we watch Family Feud (which, amazingly, is still on the air!), is see who can come up with the most #1 answers during a given episode. Of course, I dubbed myself the “#1 answer machine” and in the past have routinely dispatched of Tay in previous matchups.

Last night, we we’re watching the Feud and things went horribly wrong. Tay immediately scored a #1 right off the bat and took a 1-0 lead. I didn’t feel too bad though because it was a “chick” question, something having to do with things women wear.

The second question was “Thing that you would want a lifetime supply of”. Tay answered “Money”, which turned out to be the #1 answer by far with 58% responding. I immediately started protesting.

“That is a stupid answer. Asking for a lifetime supply of money is tantamount to having a lifetime supply of just about everything else (except for some ephemeral choices such as happiness, peace or love). That’s fucking bogus!”

“Stop being such a sore loser. I’m up 2-0. Besides, your answer was absolutely ridiculous”

At this time, there is only one more answer left on the board.

“If my answer was so stupid, if it’s up there, will you give me the point for the round?”

“Absolutely”, Tay replied.

And the final answer, garnering 3 votes, was “toilet paper”.

“Yes!!!” (I start laughing uncontrollably)

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“1-1 tie….Yes!!!!”

“That is bullshit. Who in their right mind would say toilet paper?”

“Apparently, there are three other people in the world that appreciate having a clean ass other than me”.

“Unbelievable”, Tay sulks.

In the third round, neither one of us manages a point, but we agree to award half a point for the next highest answer. The category is “things associated with Holland”. I select Windmills (#3), while Tay selects Wooden Shoes (#2). We both are surprised our answers are not #1’s. Tulips is the #1 answer. My secondary answer, Dykes…er…I mean Dikes, comes in at #5. But this puts Tay up 1.5-1 point with one round left.

The question is “Words that rhyme with Nerd”.

Tay shouts Bird and is awarded the #1 answer and apparent victory. More answers are given until only one is left. I immediately go into begging mode because my answer is disgusting.

“Please let me win if my answer is up there. C’mon, there is no way my answer will be on a family show”, I plead.

Tay, caught up in her victory, says “Sure, though there’s not a chance in hell your word is up there. But, if it’s not, you have to give up the other point you won with toilet paper too”. She is incredibly smug thoroughly assured of her victory. I quickly agree to her terms.

No one gets the last answer on the show, so in unison, as usual the crowd reads the final answer not chosen.

“TURD!”

“YES!!!!!! I win, I win (rolling off the bed laughing to the point of choking to death)”

“That doesn’t count…I still win”

“Oh, no you didn’t. You promised. I win! (finally catching my breath)”

Tay is defeated and glum. “You have to give me my win back”.

“No way!”, I childishly respond. “I won fair and square”.

“You did not!”

“I did too. It’s not my fault that you were so sure of victory that you would gamble it away to go for the shutout.”

Tay is still brooding over her loss.

Warriors 182, Bluey's Hail Mary 174.

The Hail Mary again stumble and fail to establish themselves as a legitimate playoff threat, falling back to 5-4, which keeps them in a tie for second place in the North.

The Warriors put a stranglehold on the division at 7-2.

My New BATV, DirecTV and My Policy

On Friday night, Tay and I hauled a Sony 60" LCD Projection TV from my office, courtesy of Poppinfresh, and set it up in her livingroom. I call it my big-ass TV.

I've never had a TV larger than 27". I sat there and was absolutely mesmorized. Needless to say, I spent the better part of the weekend watching hockey and football on the huge screen and was pretty useless to Tay. I had just gotten DirecTV a few months ago to get the NFL package, so the timing of the TV was perfect.

And then I called DirecTV to upgrade our standard receiver to an HD receiver. The guy I talked to was pretty annoying and the background noise in his office was deafening. I could barely hear him. I was thinking that DirecTV must be operating sweatshops in Indonesia for their existing customer service lines.

He told me what it would cost. It sounded reasonable and I said "okay, go ahead and ship the bad boy". And then he tells me something else.

"I'm going to have to charge you an additional $50 because you haven't been a customer of ours for that long"

"What?"

"You've only had service for two months, so we will charge you $50 which will be returned to you in $5 increments over the next ten months"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Surely you did a credit check on me when i signed up for service in the first place. I don't see a need for such nonsense."

"Sorry, that's our policy"

"You know what my policy is?"

"No."

"You can go fuck yourself for the $50!"

I hung up the phone. Sure, it was pretty juvenile but it sure felt good. I guess DirecTV must be doing pretty good to treat their existing consumer base so shabbily. I guess paying your first two bills on time is not enough for them to float you a $99 HD receiver.

Well, they can kiss my ass. I'm sure at some point, they'll offer a free upgrade and I won't have to pay a dime. What a bunch of jerkoffs.

Sure, I'm cheap and now I won't have HD for the rest of the NFL season. But I'll be damned if I send DirecTV a $50 loan, so they can provide me with a HD receiver.

How ridiculous.

Bluey's World: 2nd Anniversary

All I can say is wow! I never in a million years thought that I'd be able to keep it going for two years. God knows if anybody is listening, but I'm still talking.

Isn't that what really matters?

Bluey's Hail Mary 155, Donkeypuchers 126

AP: Skeevemont, PA:



The Hail Mary improved to 5-3, by avoiding the donkey punch and administering the "Poke In The Eye", leaving the DPers helpless and vulnerable to further abuse via the "Hail Mary" in last Sunday's matchup.

Next up are the first place Warriors with first place on the line!

"Tay, Will You Marry Me?"

Today, Tay, the girls and I went for a family walk through the woods to a scenic field on top of her Dad's farm overlooking the valley.

I let the girls know earlier the true purpose of this walk, except for Kitty, who was baking with Tay most of the day.

As we neared the top, we stood and took in the breathtaking view on a brisk sunny Sunday afternoon. I turned to Tay and said:

"What a beautiful day. You know what would make this day so much better?"

"No...what?"

I dropped to a knee. "Tay, will you marry me?"

Tay cries for about 2 minutes, then realizes that she hasn't answered me.

"Well?"

"Yes, of course I will!"

Tay cries for another 5 minutes and Tay, Aussie, Loni, Bebis, Kitty and I form one big pack for a group hug and kisses.

Then the girls proceed to dog pile on top of us and start rolling down the hill in celebration.

Aussie snapped a picture of the moment and I will post it soon.

So to all my friends and family, we're engaged!

Triple Cow Office Chair

My company is in the process of moving to a new location. We are all getting new chairs courtesy of Poppinfresh. However, whilst everyone is ordering new leather desk chairs, Erie is pushing for Poppinfresh and as many others she can convince, to get "Pleather" (fake leather) chairs.

When she came into my office to plead her case, she wrote "Save the Cows" on my whiteboard and drew a cowhead.

I told her that I wanted a "triple cow chair".

She asked "What's that?"

"It's a leather chair that three cows had to be sacrificed for to make", I replied.

I then added to her drawing to illustrate how I wanted my finished product to look.

Hence, the triple cow office chair! Of course, the other two heads either ended up in the landfill or could be used as bookends in Poppinfresh's bookcase. I haven't decided yet.

Yabba Dabba Doo! Hail Mary 157, Flavorfools 74

AP: Bedrock, PA:

Bluey's Hail Mary was able to right the ship as Peyton Manning led the troops to a much needed victory in Bedrock versus Freddie's Fools. Flavorfool coach, Mr. Slate called his team's performance disappointing and cancelled tomorrow's scheduled day off. He said that his "soft" team would be putting time in his rock quarry to get in shape for next week.

The Hail Mary improves to 4-3 and now trail division co-leader Warriors and Birdmen (both 5-2) by one game. Four teams, including 4-3 Blicious are vying for the Northern Division's two playoff spots.

Next up on the slate are the Donkeypunchers.

Heads Roll! Hail Mary Sends Jacobs Packing!

After Monday nights' fiasco involving RB Brandon Jacobs' sore vagina on the sidelines, Bluey's Hail Mary GM, Special Ed went into a spittle spraying rage and sent Jacobs candy-ass to ProDonor in a package that brought WR Reggie Wayne.


Even 40pt scorer Wes Welker was caught in the crossfire when he complained about Special Ed getting goop on his game ball. Wes and Donte Stallworth were throw-ins in the deal.

Third party sources involved tell a story of Hail Mary coach, Don Shula, telling Jacobs that the team was 16 yards shy of victory and to "get his fat lazy ass back in the game!". When Jacobs refused, his fate was sealed. Special Ed came screaming into the locker room with a tube of Vagisil after the game to yell at Jacobs, informing him not to expect to be wearing his uniform next week. As Welker walked by the scene, some Vagisil got mistakenly squirted on his game ball and as he started to complain, a scuffle ensued between Special Ed and Welker. Stallworth unfortunately came between them.

The Hail Mary (3-3) are clearly in disarray after their heartbreaking loss to Blicious. Morale is low and management felt a sledgehammer was the best way to bring about a change in attitude in the locker room.

Reggie Wayne comes in to be the Hail Mary WR3, behind Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh. New QB Peyton Manning was ecstatic to hear the news of being reunited with his former receiver.

Week 7's match-up against the Flavorfools is critical. A loss pretty much dooms the franchise's inaugural season.

Clash Of The Titans: Blicious 189, Hail Mary 184.

What a matchup! Our two squads finish 1-2 for the week but the Hail Mary are unfortunate enough to run into the steamroller that was Blicious.

Brandon Jacobs shit his pants, needing only 18 points to carry the Hail Mary to victory on Monday night, he exited the game late in the 3rd quarter with a sissy sprained ankle, 16 yards short.

Bluey's Hail Mary experiment falls to 3-3 and Peyton Manning makes his Hail Mary debut against the Flavorfools this coming weekend. It's early, but I'd call it a must win game versus Flav owner, Freddie Flinstone.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

Remember the Brady Bunch? Remember this song from childhood?

Homo we go,
Les' be on our way.
I love you, you love me
that's homosexuality!

There's a story today running that Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick) has a new book out today that will touch on some very Brady girl-on-girl action.

If loving you is wrong....

I don't want to be right...

Black and Bluey Durango

I bought a companion used Black 2007 Durango to go with my White 2004 Durango.

I guess you can say that my 2004 Durango was lonely and wanted some lovin'.

Or you could say that with Tay and our four daughters, we finally outgrew the Durango without the third seat.

I actually splurged for a vehicle with 4WD, so now I won't spin tires up tay's driveway or worry about dying in Western PA's snowbelts.

It's main purpose will be winter driving and carting around my five peteys. We've already come up with an idea for the license plate.

5PETEYS

Bluey Drives The Herd!

This past Sunday, I was pulled away from the Dallas-New England game to help herd about 50 or so cattle from Tay and her Dad's property back into the neighbor's pasture.

"The neighbor's cattle broke through the fence and are on Dad's property"

"Really? Did someone call him?

"C'mon, get up. We're going to help dad herd the cattle back onto the neighbor's property."

"What? You're kidding right?"

"No, c'mon"

"I ain't no fucking cattle shepherd. I'm from New York City. I don't want to be trampled by cattle"

"C'mon, we'll use the quads and baseball bats to herd them."

"What?......I'm not slamming some cow with a bat! They'll charge and trample me!"

"Will you get up already!"

"Are you serious? They're not even your dad's cattle. Let someone else die for the neighbors' cows."

"C'mon already!"

"Okay."

And so began Bluey's first experience herding Texas Longhorn cattle using multiple quads, as Stacey worked the gates and her dad and I rode quads like horses and were able to herd about 10 or so cattle back onto the neighbors pasture. Thank God I didn't have to use baseball bats but I was worried at one point when Tay's Dad was herding them towards me and I had to guide them to the gate on the quad. I had visions of getting flipped off the quad and gored right in the ass by a few big bulls.

The other 40 cattle proved too stupid to return to their pasture as they streamed by their gate with our last ditch effort. We left the rest for more experienced hands than mine.

And I was able to escape with only one asshole thankfully, but I got my first experience "riding the herd".

Get em up, move 'em out...Rawhide!

Manning A Mary!

AP: Skeevemont, PA:

Bluey's Hail Mary GM, Special Ed pulled off the coup of the trading season by securing the rights of Peyton Manning from JusticeLeagueNow. Peyton will replace former Hail Mary quarterback Phillip Rivers as the new starter. Also included in the deal was Jerricho Cotchery and Marvin Harrison.

Hail Mary coach, Don Shula, expects nothing short of a championship from his new field general. The Hail Mary (3-2) are currently in a four way tie for second place in their division which finds every team sporting over a .500 winning percentage.

Current Hail Mary Roster:
QB Peyton Manning/Jay Cutler/Jason Campbell
RB1 Larry Johnson
RB2 Adrian Peterson/Brandon Jacobs/Maurice Jones-Drew/Ladel Betts
WR1 Chad Johnson
WR2 TJ Houshmandzadeh
WR3 Brandon Marshall/Wes Welker
TE Owen Daniels/Greg Olsen
K Nick Folk
D/ST New England Patriots

Bluey's Hail Mary 118, Birdmen of Alcatraz 106

AP: Alcatraz, CA:

The Hail Mary (3-2) got back in the win column by defeating the Birdmen in a hotly contested game played in the home team's prison yard.

After slugging it out all day Sunday afternoon, it came down to kickers to decide the result. The Hail Mary's Nick Folk outkicked Birdman Robby Gould to seal the victory.

Next up: Ohhhh Blicious!

2007 Fall Pilgrimage: Here Comes The Sun!

During the Spring 2007 pilgrimage, we were unable to field many outdoor activities due to the horribly cold and rainy weather. It rained almost nonstop the whole weekend.

This Fall Pilgrimage more than made up for it as we enjoyed the beautiful 80 degree weather by relaxing beachside, doing some kayaking and getting some swimming in!

Contrary to Las Vegas oddsmakers, Halo 3 did not ruin the pilgrimage, as surprisingly, a very minimal amount of the game was played.

Friday afternoon's golf event saw a nail biting finish as The Don (51) successfully defended his championship edging Sparrow by a stroke, Bluey by 3 and the Handyman by 4. The scores were uncharacteristically atrocious and represented the first time a score in the 50's won the event.

Saturday's Softball event saw the Genuises (Sparrow, Este, Poppinfresh, The Don, rent-a-tard Karlos and Bluey) dominate the SRU Tards (Meersky, Irish, Handyman, Special Ed, Francois and Choder) in a mercy rule shortened 4 inning game, 17-2. Genius hitters were unmerciful as every starter, save Bluey, pounded out at least 5 hits. Este had clutch RBIs just about every trip at bat. Poppinfesh picked up the win, pitching the first inning and Bluey recorded the save, mopping up the final three frames in relief.

Axis and Allies was won by the Allies (Meersky-Russia, Handyman-US, Francois-Britain) over the Irish Nazis (Highmark as Hitler and Irish as Japan).

I missed the Stones and Texas Hold'em tournaments due to painful cramped calf muscles caused by horsing around with the football and the frisbee in Lake Erie with the guys. Someone, please forward the winners, so I can post them for posterity.

Horseshoes were cancelled because everyone feared the Handyman/Bluey connection. We will now go down in Pilgrimage lore as the third tandem to hold the Horseshoe title for at least 1 and a half years while ending their reign undefeated (Meersky/TDog, Meersky/Bluey previously). Handy's miss next Spring will probably end our title run.

Jen was also called multiple times by pilgrimagers which makes any future appearance by Handyman tenuous at best.

All in all, a very relaxing pilgrimage. The nice weather was a great change of pace. For those I missed on Sunday morning, thanks for a wonderful weekend!

Warriors 150, Bluey's Hail Mary 119

The Hail Mary shit the bed this past weekend as their rivals, the Ass Pirates, er...I mean the Warriors came out to play, disposing of Bluey's squad by a score of 150-119.

The Hail Mary return to par at 2-2 on the season. Next up, the Birdmen of Alcatraz.

Mets Are A Bunch Of Choking Pigs!

How the hell do you blow a 7 game lead with 17 games to play? Obviously, we got a lesson by the Mets since no one seemed to be able to do it in over 110 years of baseball history.

Shitty starting pitching, crappy hitting, atrocious defense and a manager who is unwilling to dress down his team all added up to the most pathetic finish to a season ever. Do you think the 1962 Mets could have held that lead? I'm thinking that they would have had just as good a chance.

I'm glad the team didn't can Randolph, I like him. But a lot of the faces on this team better change come next spring. I'm thinking most of their middle relief should go except Sosa, the injured Duaner Sanchez and Feliciano. I'd even trade Wagner if I could. Shoenweiss, Heilman and Mota, I'd send out on a rocket.

I'd also ditch Green and let Gomez and Milledge battle out RF. Can Valentin as well. I'm also pretty tired of trotting Glavine out there. Keep Maine and Perez and build the rest of the rotation from scratch.

The 2007 Mets go on the list of things that give me ass cancer.