BS Poker - Gordo, Fare Thee Well Night!

If you missed Saturday, Nov. 17th's insane incantation of BS Poker, you sure missed a lot.

We had a record attendence. Attendees included Gordo, Gavo, Meersky, Poppinfresh (+Erie), Highmark, Bluey (+Tay), Irish, Griffin, Choder (+Ames), Francois (+Kimee), Cali (+LiLi), Felatio (Aka The Don), and last but certainly not least, all the way from Awahoo, Senor Hamdog.
The night was conceived as a proper send off to Gordo, who is returning to Florida whilst his Pittsburgh crack house in Edgewood/Swissvale is up for sale.

But Highmark might have received the harshest sendoff of all on Saturday night. With 12-13 guys around the table, we chose to dismiss the reverse in order from hand to hand in order to get the cards to everyone as much as possible. Highmark started the night taking cards from Bluey during the first half and ended the night taking them from Gavo. In the end, he felt similar to the mouse on the bottom of the picture above.

Some excerpts from Highmark's salesmen:

Bluey: "I've got a pair of kings and a pair of queens"
Highmark: "I thought you said that you have kings and aces?"
Bluey: "No, did I? Why? Do you want kings and aces?"
Highmark: "Sure (sarcastically)"
Bluey: "Okay, you've got it. A pair of kings and a pair of aces!"

Gavo: "I discarded the lowest high card. I don't know what a straight is, but whatever Irish handed me is legit. But it has an eight in it, now. So it's a straight with an eight. What ever that means. Listen, I'm just giving you what he gave me. Which isn't much. Or maybe it is, but I wouldn't know."
Highmark: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

A shell-shocked Highmark swallowed the cards in both instances.

Bluey (after being handed those cards from Highmark): "bullshit!'
Highmark: (not even trying to sell it because it came from Gavo): "You are right, it's total garbage"

In both instances, Highmark grabbed his throbbing temple with both hands and wished he was back home feeding and diapering his kids.

Even Hamdog was in true form, making all kinds of side bets on the table's action, and adding to Highmark's misery.

Hamdog: "Side bet....... the pair isn't there"
(Highmark loses again)
Hamdog: "See, you owe me a quarter"
Highmark: "I didn't make any fucking bet with you"

All in all, Highmark ended up with 6 totes on his 8's tote board, which included two doubles for three of a kind 8's.

But the night had plenty of action all around the table, which included newbies Cali and Francois.
Even Cupcake showed up for the festivities, holding up a German potato masher and inquiring:

Cupcake: "There is a fuse in here, is this thing real?" (holding the inert WWII German grenade)
Gavo: "No wonder the pollacks lost the war."
Highmark: "Right Cupcake, we play poker with live 70 year old munitions. And me without my mortar round"

Gavo, who is well known for his ability to depreciate hands, didn't turn a straight into a pair of jacks, but offered this tasty downgrade.

Gordo to Gavo : "A ten a seven and a nine"
Gavo to Choder: "A ten a seven and a six"

The quote of the night also came from Gavo who was holding 3 7's before giving them to Highmark: "I actually drew that 4th seven but threw it out because I didn't know how it would improve the hand!"

Other notable lines:
From Gordo: "Don't Fuckin' look at me...","Zieg Heil"
From Choder: "I'm not the Mayor (of Swallower's Row)!"
Traditional Favorites: "Do I want those cards?" , "You want these cards!", "You can't handle the cards!!!!"
From Hamdog, Gavo and Highmark: The Shingles conversation (you had to be there).

We dined on Mineo's pizza and got to watch clips from Gavo's movie as well. And Meersky for once was not a human stop sign. Go figure!

Please feel free to add your memories to the comments section. It may take my abdominal muscles months to heal from laughing so hard. Thanks to all for making the night pure gold!

Click on the video link above for a small taste of the evening. "I'm Not The Mayor"

BS Poker, June 9,2007

Attendees (girlfriends/wives): Irish (+the Saint), Meerksy, Handyman, Choder, Ace, Gary (+the Keeper), T-dog (+B-cat), Don Felatio (+Kay), Gavo, Bluey (+Tay), Highmark Blue, Griffin (+Tracer) and Poppinfresh (+Erie).


20 attendees!!! Can you believe it!!! Wow, what a night.


Here are the high(low)lights:


The Handyman makes a surprise appearance.

Meersky brings the previously hospitalized, gimped out, recovering Poppinfresh a wheelchair and proceeds to wheel him around the apartment.

Life-size Barbie's hermaphroditic bulge.

Jesus turns water into wine, Gavo uses German Logic to turn another straight into a three of a kind.

Edgewood/Swissvale revisited with a Highmark generated Itunes epilogue by Stephen Hawking.

The Handyman bringing to light the existence of Highmark's 8 year old crackbaby twins who reside in West Mifflin.

Irish swallowing three 5's, a queen and a room to grow 5 from Ace! Can you say dislocated jaw? Probably the biggest circus seal impression we've ever seen.

Bluey asking Gary, "Don't you know that you should never date a girl with a gag reflex?".

Gavo's impression of the Third Reich's Make-A-Wish chapter participants.

Meersky acting octagonally again as the "Human Stop Sign"

Este (Griffin) and Tracer bringing a 40th birthday oversized donut and cinnamon roll and Tracer and Gary trying six times to light the candles with Meersky turning the fan on and off. After 10 minutes and finally getting the two candles lit, Bluey promptly "wishes" for new friends!

Highmark's ignorant, unfeeling and cold remark to a wheelchair bound, "almost deathpool loser" Poppinfresh: "Hey gramps, thanks for coming, try not to shit yourself this time ok?"

Choder ressurects the memory of Mr. Bubbles and hilariously brings him and Gaston back to life.

The Handyman gets a BOG mention for admitting that he knew Gaston's name.

Tay's false teeth and Bluey's comments:"I'm about a week away from kicking Bucky to the curb""You think Tay should get her teeth fixed?""Zip it...Bucky!"

Tracer and Erie dyke out on Bluey's bed.

Women's BS Poker suffrage! The Keeper and Tay become the first chicks to play with the big boys.

Handyman welcomes Gary's Keeper to the NFL without even giving her the benefit of a reacharound.

Ace accuses Tay of not knowing what a straight is, calls her a lying whore and then faces her 10 high straight wrath through Bluey.

Highmark's "F the French" and Griffin's "Are those my balls on your face?" T-shirts.

Meersky advises and praises Bluey about keeping "his pimp hand strong" after Bluey's "Do some dishes while you're in the kitchen" comment to Tay.

Choder slams Don Felatio with AAA, as Tankboy claims they are non-existent!

The Handyman disgustedly throws Tay a quarter as a reward for kissing Bluey. "Hell, if that's not worth a quarter, I don't know what is."

B-cat's hunger solely for T-dog's sausage prompting Bluey to advocate a dumping.

The Keeper is asked why "after 3 weeks of dating Gary, she hasn't gone screaming into the night yet?" and is given the offer and opportunity to dump Gary as she sees fit and is given the power to replace him with another guy to be placed in this group.

Ocho Rios!!!...not!!! Highmark's 8's Tote board count - a disappointing 2.

Irish's multiple bombing campaign over the French Seawall leaving Bluey looking like Zarqawi in the rubble.

Bluey's son, Pimp-N-Playa AWOL and suspected to be dead.

Don Felatio, upon the start of BS Poker, turns to his wife and tells her, "Kay, I told you. Don't ask me about my business", and promptly drives her home before returning to play.

Keep em' coming and I will add any others you wish to document.

BS Poker

For my buddies that may have missed the BS Poker festivities at my place, we made up a few more songs to go with Irish Math which was born on Thursday at the Fall 2005 Pilgrimage.

I apologize to outsiders who this will mean nothing to. Just me documenting the idiocy.

(sung to the tune of Gary Numan's "Cars", while doing the robot)

Irish Math (props to Mr. Ocho Rios)
I had two quarters,
then I won one and lost one,
then I won one...
now I'm down three dollars
Irish Math

German Logic (props to Herr Gavo)
I had a flush
It had a three, then a seven,
now it's three jacks
German Logic

Italian Math (props to Don Felatio)
I had two sevens
then I added one more
now I have 3 sevens (while holding up four fingers!)
Italian Math

Can also be sung to the tune of Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science"!