Free Kittens (I'll Even Throw In A Rooster!)

Anybody in the market for a kitten?

They are now 7-8 weeks old, litter trained, weaned and ready for a good home.

We do also have a pair of 7 week old white leghorn roosters (think Foghorn Leghorn), if anybody has neighbors they wish to annoy or hens that need a little action.

Give me a call on the crackberry, if interested.

Stanley Cup Playoffs, Game 3 - Red Wings @ Penguins

Meersky and I are heading out for the game tonight. I'm trying to pick out a shirt for tonight's Penguins "white out".

Would this shirt be appropriate?

Sharon Stone: Dumbass Of The Week (Month, Year, etc...)

Apparently, super whore, Sharon Stone is going around telling people that the horrible earthquakes in China are somehow "karma"cally tied to China's official treatment of Tibetans and the Dalai Lama.

I don't know if I can agree with that but I have a better hypothesis.

I think that this horrible skank hairdo is the direct byproduct of it's owner's white trash intelligentsia. I guess Sharon must be realizing by now that nobody cares about aging sluts, hence her gambit to keep herself in the news by any means necessary.

I'm sure those poor dead folks in China, especially the kids in that school that collapsed deserved death due to the sins of a government that does almost nothing for them.

Sharon, get back to what you do best. Wrinkling and sagging.

What's A Guy Gotta Do Around Here...

...to get his pork pulled?!!!!



That's the latest catchphrase I like to utter around the house which is a double entendre either meaning that I'm craving for Tay's addictive and wonderful pulled pork BBQ sandwiches or is a euphemism for wanting a little action in the boudoir.

Tay gets mortified whenever I say it, especially in public places like the Pike Festival this past weekend. Unfortunately, when I was finally offered pulled pork, it was by some guy in Scenery Hill!

I'm not that hard up for pulled pork.

Lock And Load, Baby!

Well, it took almost 42 years, but now I have officially become a gun owner.

I broke down the other night (with Tay's prodding, by the way, how awesome is that!) and purchased a "varmint gun" to help rid us of the excessive pests that reside on our land and threaten our garden.

I purchased a Savage Mark II .22 rifle and had the guys put a simple scope on it. I've been target shooting the last few days and I'm pretty damn good with it. The next test will be whether I'm good enough to hit small, odd shaped varmints. I guess there's only one way to find out. I'm already asking Tay to find good rabbit recipes!

I know this is only a popgun to most of my gun-toting friends, but hey, you gotta start somewhere. I guess I probably should have gotten a shotgun, but I'd rather not have that kind of close up firepower just yet until I hone my gun skills. Hell, I'm only a year removed from "allegedly" putting a paintball pellet in Tay's butt!

Now I have dreams of grabbing a 30-06 and a shotgun. Christ, at this rate I may be a fully fledged member of the NRA by the time I'm 45.

Who Will Massachusetts Elect?

...after Ted Kennedy finally drops dead...who gets the senatorial nod?



I'm betting on his rotting, bloated dead corpse for at least two more terms until they can dig up somebody else named "Kennedy".



Maybe William Kennedy Smith can be the next poster boy advocate for "women's rights"... hell, Teddy seemingly was able to shake his murder of Mary Jo Kopechne off his record, and there was no dispute that he basically left her for dead. At least Kennedy Smith was never convicted of his alleged transgression...rape.


I think Teddy tried his whole life to undo the Kopechne-Chappaquiddick incident. Unfortunately, it only benefited liberal women. Either Mary Jo was a bra burner or Teddy just thought all women were raving feminists.

God, I Love PETA!

Please, just keep 'em coming!

I think that were only about three trillion more nude women away from overcoming the dreadful carnivores!

Who Needs Sleep?

Now, here's a movie worth staying up late to watch. I don't know if it deserves Best Picture honors, but it is a magnificent character study in which the three main protagonists interestingly don't really actually interact at all on the screen. I found it to be quite riveting.

Of course it was brutally violent but the Coen brothers put together a nicely cinematic piece of film with very interesting characters, each with his own story to tell. The interaction between characters is fairly random as is much of life. There's no real overall message nor is the story tied up in a cute little bow. It is what it is. I like that.

Excellent film and I would recommend it. It's the best movie I've seen in awhile. A million times better than that "There Will Be Blood" tripe.

Finally, A Cure For Insomnia!

Who, in their right mind, decided that "There Will Be Blood" be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar? I found it to be a two hour and forty minute waste of time.

The characters were so disjointed from scene to scene that the film lacked any real continuity. Each scene seemed best to take as is, not expecting scenes to build upon each other. The story and plotline was abysmal.

It's a real shame because I wanted to like this movie so much. I felt that I could have done a better job by adding a few scenes, deleting many others altogether and editing it so differently. Some crucial scenes lack any power whatsover due to what precedes and follows them.

What a pile of crap!

4 Week Old Kittens Visit 4 Week Old Chicks!

Bluey Obituary: The Hockey News

Well, with the publication of its most recent issue, it is now official. The Hockey News is dead!

It has been on life support for some time especially after the publication was turned over to pansy-assed editor, Jason Kay. For a while now, THN has been exposing its' readers to stories here and there about the evils of fighting in the sport and excessive contact (hitting) while under the surface, touting the extreme desirability of the European style. Columnist Adam Proteau has been the number one supporter of coddling star players and turning the NHL into the fucking ice capades! As a Canadian publication, I can't believe how they are able to do this without a huge outcry or a total loss of circulation. Maybe Canadians don't believe in "Old Time Hockey" anymore.

This issue has four stories that made me discontinue my THN subsciption outright. I did actually like the story about proper vaginal care (see above magazine cover).

The first one is the cover story. It is written by another "physical contact is ruining hockey" advocate, Ken Campbell. Say what you want about Chris Pronger, but he is one of the twenty best defensemen in NHL history, is a no brainer first selection Hall of Famer and typifies the way the position should be played. However, THN has cowardly chosen to focus on his recent transgression of stepping on a player and his (wife's) request to leave Edmonton, to put his whole career on judicial display to determine whether he is a bad person. They have some fucking gall doing this! Jason Kay should have been fired for even allowing this tripe to be published. Chris Pronger may have a mean streak and is a warrior, but he is NO Chris Simon! The article is pretty much a dog and pony show as they interview his agent, GMs, his family etc... and of course come to (big surprise)...no conclusion. Why? Because they even lack the balls to take a hard stand either way. They end the article with...it could go either way. What a fucking joke! Ken Campbell also pens an open letter to Mr. Pronger stating his disappointment over how Chris' play has "changed" for the worse. What a dick! What's next, try to get Scott Stevens to publicly apologize to Eric Lindros for his clean, concussion causing body check?

The next article is another total nonsense article in which THN tries to get Jeremy Roenick to agree that he "respects" the game so much more now that he is older and has distanced himself from his old rough and tumble days. It reminds me of of "doublespeak" from Orwell's 1984 novel. It's totally apparent to me that Mr. Roenick is just happy to have and talk about his useful role with the San Jose Sharks and THN twists the tone of the story to try to get Jeremy to disavow his style of play of yesteryear. I guess being a power foward is bad too.

Then comes an article with THN asking for the resignation of Patrick Roy as coach of his son, Jonathan's, QMJL team supposedly for encouraging his son to fight the other goalie during a melee. First of all, does anybody have a dad who hasn't asked him to stand up for himself at some point in his life? Patrick Roy denies doing this but even if he did, is he the first coach to encourage fighting in hockey? He received, I think, a five game suspension. I think that is perfectly fine. So, why does THN feel the need to call for Roy's resignation? Since when did THN become a governing body for the sport? Report the news, jackasses. Patrick Roy should not be held up to any higher standards than any other coach. Of course, fighting is a THN "cause", so of course they are going to villify Roy and cry for their own brand of justice.

Mike Brophy also chimes in with a brief article of why he will enjoy the playoffs even under the spectre of goonery that plagues the NHL. This one hit me hard because I actually respect Mike Brophy as a writer and long time contributor to THN. He's one of the reasons I subscribe. He talks about the star players like Ovechkin, Malkin and Crosby as being reasons why the NHL playoffs will be worth it, with the caveat that somehow the NHL has deteriorated in some way in recent years due to the excessively dirty physical play. I don't know what games he's watching and I can only assume that the LSD laced weed he's currently smoking has made him completely forget the 70's and 80's brand of hockey he once extolled the virtues of.

And lastly, editor, Jason Kay, who regularly uses his editorial pulpit to deride the game I love and push his vision of the way hockey should be played. He reminds me of Mike Lupica. He seems to be a frail man who has probably never picked up a hockey stick in his life. Never played the sport but knows everything about it. Do me a favor and fucking resign yourself. Your publication is now as big a joke as you are. Congratulations!

Ice hockey is a rough and tumble sport with no place for sissies. Guys play with a variety of injuries that would surely sideline them in any other sport. The way things are progressing, six stitches will mean a player will retire to the locker room for the whole evening, like in baseball, instead of just a few minutes for a quick patch job. Used to be, the threat of getting your head bashed in by Marty McSorley kept you from clutching and grabbing Wayne Gretzky. Sure, it was somewhat neanderthal, but it worked. Like pitchers batting in the National League, there are repercussions for hitting batters or pitching inside too much. That is why I hate the DH rule.

Then, the brilliant peaceniks of the NHL came up with the "third man in" rule. This singlehandedly ruined hockey and shaped it's course for years. No longer were players held responsible for their own actions. Target a star and get away scot free! In trying to corral the goons, the NHL put a huge target on stars backs by protecting offending players from retribution. Add to that, the addition of the European style that doesn't work on smaller ice surfaces, hence the proliferation of diving and 20 penalties per game. Now the game has no flow and whoever has the better powerplay will usually win. Games are no longer determined five-on-five as it was meant to be. It's a crying shame and I believe the main reason can be solely blamed on the slow pacification of the game over the years.

But THN has a vision that this is the way hockey should be played and that some day all physical contact will be eliminated. It will be no defense like basketball and the scores will be 20-18.

How beautiful... So long THN, never mind this pillow I'm putting over your head...

"Trapped": MexaFlora Mob Bosses

Gavo's buddy and I on the set of his movie "Trapped", in which we play Mexican mob bosses.

In this scene we get a few good laughs explaining how we got a local business owner to shoot himself in the head

(...then the motherfucking bendejo...he shoots himself in the head...(laughter)...)

and in the following scene we filmed, I get "moiderized".

We had loads of fun filming these scenes last night while downing a couple Dos Equis' . I think Gavo and company have a real winner on their hands! I can't wait for the premiere!

2 Tickets- Pens-Rangers Game 5!

If anybody is interested, I have a pair of tickets I can't use for Game 5. List is $50 each.

Well, that didn't take long. Gavo and wife just swapped them up! GO RANGERS!!!

Grindhouse: Death Proof

I finally saw installment #2 of the Grindhouse series a few days ago. While, it was by no stretch a good movie, I did enjoy it a little better than Planet Terror, based solely on Vanessa Ferlito's ability to wiggle her hips in a tight spot! Too much dialogue and almost no action in this one.

Again, this movie, like it's companion, had little merit and I can't believe they actually called these movies Grindhouse. They were both incredibly shy and tame as far as violence and sex goes in cinema. I have to say I did cheer when the ever annoying Rose McGowan was face planted into the windshield! The only way it could have been better is if it was Rosie Perez.

Buster and Baxter

We accidently ended up with two extra peeps that are a few weeks younger than the "four amigas" Tay and I got last week.

We keep them separate from the older peeps because one of them, who we call "Buster", won't stop pecking the older birds, nor will she accept her place in the pecking order and back down.

Baxter, on the other hand, is a good little peep and very docile in her dealings with the bigger birds in comparison.

We do not know what breed they will be as of yet. I think that they were chick breeding school projects.

Hopefully, this will round out our flock and I don't expect any more additions. I'll have to start the work to add a few more nesting boxes to the coop this weekend.

Canada's #1 World Ranked Olympic Diver

Yes, Pittsburgh's poster boy, Sidney Crosby.

Not only does he play like a little bitch, falling anytime anybody gets near him to defend, the NHL officials continue to coddle him whenever any contact is made.

Martin Straka's phantom penalty in Pittsburgh's Game 1 versus the Rangers is the perfect example of his receiving ridiculous preferential treatment. With under three minutes left in a 4-4 tie in the Stanley Cup playoffs, the refs should be putting away their whistles unless they are damned sure that a penalty actually occurs on the ice.

In sachets Sid McDiverson, Straka never touches him, and voila!, a two minute penalty based only on the fact that Straka diverted his path into the offensive zone.

The NHL is turning into a real cunt league with Sidney as it's obvious queen! Congratulations for ruining hockey Sid! I can't wait for someone to smash your brains into the boards and really earn their two minute penalty, so I can hear the whiny bandwagon hockey fans from Pittsburgh give a collective cry whilst cancelling their season ticket packages in one clear motion.

The Four Amigas!

"Chicken Farmer" Bluey has got some new peeps. We got them from a local chicken farm. They were born on 4/1.

The two brown chicks are Rhode Island Reds and the black chicks are Barred Rocks. All four should become prolific egg layers and at $3 dozen, we should never have to buy overpriced eggs again once they are mature.

Tay and I are making a real effort this summer to become as self sufficient as possible given the huge jump in food prices. Our garden will probably end up being pretty huge.

So, along with his debilitating case of gout, in which his utter inability to drive is thus far preventing his pilgrimage attendence, he may have to contend with not catching the Asian flu while tending to his flock!

Anybody want to take odds on how long it takes before he develops some exotic fowl disease?

Mother-flocking gout!

It's Not The Toe, It's The Toe Knuckle!

Splendid...just splendid! Another case of gout in advance of the spring pilgrimage and the opening of my softball season on Sunday morning. I'm barely able to walk without excruciating pain. I couldn't even put a pair of dress shoes on this morning. And it's on my non-Jesus foot to boot!!!

I blame three people for my ongoing recurrences of gout:

1) My Dad: He must've passed some gout gene to me. He's been in pretty good shape his whole life and suffers regularly from gout. Thanks, Dad. A nice big inheritance might offset some of the pain and suffering!

2) My physician: She knew of my gout recurrences and put me on a diuretic (water pill) anyway for my high blood pressure. Of course, being a biochemist, i should have predicted that the pill would exacerbate the condition, but I'm all about the blaming of others for my problems.

3) My own fat ass: Okay, I'm not all about blaming others, but would it kill me to drop a few pounds?

I'm loading up on colchicine, coffee and cherries!!! Since there is really no good therapeutic drug for gout yet (Savient Pharmaceuticals is working on a new drug, Puricase, that I hope gets approved ASAP!), I hope to god I'm good to go for this weekend!

God-damned Toe-knuckle!

The New X-Files Movie: Monster Tree Alert!

Back in the day, I used to be hooked on the X-Files and watched it religiously with Beukey, Pablo Honey and Teddy Ballgame. Teddy had an interesting method of classifying the episodes.

The two classifications were:

1) Mythology - which involved the long running alien invasion plotline and involved some of the shows more memorable characters such as Cancer Man (or CSM, if you prefer), Fat Tony (as we called him), The Lone Gunman, Deep Throat, X, Well Manicured Man, or Teddy's favorites Krycek and the smoking hot Maria Covarrubias. These episodes were pure gold and I wish that Cris Carter would release them all by themselves in one DVD package.

2) "Monster Tree" - Episodes with some sort of crazy assed monster running around killing people. These episodes were mainly lame except the ones that were made to be funny, such as "Small Potatoes", which is still one of my favorite episodes. Episodes like "New Jersey Devil" were pretty much indicative to this type and were rather ho-hum. The episode "Home" was just downright disturbing and probably ranks up there with the most sickening TV show I ever saw. Teddy called all these creatures "monster trees" and would assess the episode after the first 20 seconds, "oh, goody...another monster tree".

Anyway, they have released details about a new X-files movie and I can already hear teddy moaning....

"Oh, goody another monster tree..."

I Wrote A Song Called...

"I got punched in the face for sticking my nose in other people's business!" (Glenn to Robbie Hart from The Wedding Singer -The Musical). I still piss myself when I hear that original line from the movie (smartly kept in the musical).

Tay and I went to see the last performance of The Wedding Singer at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh tonight. Overall, it was a very enjoyable show except for an unexpectedly disappointing and weak ending two scenes. Instead of the heart warming "Grow Old With You" ballad from Rob to Julia on a plane, we get a crazy scene inside of a Vegas "White House" wedding chapel, where there are several 80's personality look alikes that have to be introduced to be recognized. Pretty lame as the song gets broken into two halves and is a weak rendition to boot.

The musical was devoid of the 80's soundtrack but had some fun original music scores. I really thought that it would be a detraction, but it really wasn't. All of the funny one liners were kept intact including Robbie's "Ode to his ex-fiancee Linda". The Boy George character was hilarious, even without his missed "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" scene. It was a also a nice tribute to the 80's. God, us Generation X'ers are getting old!!!

Anyway, if anybody gets a chance to see this show down the road, I'd recommend it highly! It's no West Side Story, but it's a lot of fun! I'm officially training Tay to do Linda's dance moves on Robbie's bed at home for me...wow!!!