I Don't Know Why, But...

...I just can't seem to get enough of these tasty snacks!!!

Props to Poppinfresh for finding this hilarious nugget today. God knows where he finds this stuff.

I know better than to ask any questions...

2 Point Banana!!!

Tay started Weight Watchers a few weeks back. Since I am a fatty, she decided to recruit me to join her on her diet. She may live to regret the decision.

You see, Weight Watchers operates on a points system. Based on some simple information such as weight, age, sex, etc..., the diet determines the optimal amount of food points you are allowed to eat each day. Every type of food is assigned a point rating based on number of calories, fat and fiber content. Sounds simple enough, right? I am allowed 43 daily points to use as I wish.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I am a mizer. My goal was to load up as much as possible on zero point foods (such as watermelon, turnips, and a good many fruits and veggies) and be more selective on costlier foods. That was working like a charm for me. Until Day 3, when Tay gave me a banana to take to work for breakfast.

When I got home from work, Tay grilled me on what I ate for the day. I told her that I ate the banana she gave me, drank a cup of black coffee and documented my lunch. She says that the banana cost 2 points.

"What!"

"2 points, a banana is two points"

"Are you friggin kidding me?"

"No"

"Why didn't you just give me watermelon? That's 0 points"

"Bananas are healthy for you"

"Who gives a crap. I could have had unlimited watermelon for 0 points! I wouldn't have eaten the banana if I knew it was two points. You sabotaged me."

"You are being ridiculous"

"You pawned that banana off on me because you didn't want to have the extra 2 points, so you saddled me with it"

"What??! Bananas are a very healthy breakfast. Lots of people eat bananas for breakfast"

"Yeah, they're called stupid people! You sabotaged me."

"Don't be ridiculous, some people think that bananas are the perfect breakfast food"

"Yeah, they're called "monkeys"!!!"

"You're being outrageous!"

"What I'm saying is that if I have a choice between eating 3 pounds of watermelon at 0 points, NEVER give me a stupid 2 point banana. There's nothing about a banana that is so special to make it worth 2 points. I don't ever want to eat a banana again."

"You can't eat that way!"

Then I pick up the Weight Watchers book and start reading aloud all the foods I could have eaten instead of the banana.

"Christ, i could have had a lite beer instead of that banana! You sabotaged me."

"I eat bananas all the time with my breakfast cereal. They fill you up and are high in fiber!"

"Listen, if you want to pork up on bananas that's your choice. Don't try to fatten me up on bananas, okay. Christ, I should have eaten the skin too! Then maybe it would have filled me up. Then again, then you would have told me that the skin was 4 points...right?"

"No. The skin would have been zero. I can't even talk to you about this anymore!"

"You sabotaged me, admit it"

So far, I've lost almost 20 pounds on the diet, Tay about 10. But with her 10 pounds, I think she's lost a certain amount of sanity as well as I pepper her daily with my newest ideas.

"You're jealous of my points (I have 43, she has 28). How about I sell you a coupla points at $5 each?"

"Pistachio nuts (or fill in the blank) are zero points if I only eat three of them."

"What do you mean that pasta is 4 points a cup? I tell you what, I'll eat 2 cups of pasta if you give it to me for 3 points a cup."

"It doesn't work that way!!!"

"Well, then I don't want to even eat any pasta!"

"I just made this meal. You're eating it!!!"

"You're not the boss of me!!!"

...I think you get the picture. And it all started over a simple banana...

Bluey The Deadeye!

Another chicken predator bites the dust along with her pouchful of babies!

Guess what tay tay is making for dinner?

Possum Pie!!!

Yummy!

Bagged this possum last night and gave her a proper burial early this morning.

I was tempted to hang her body on the "Churkey Loft" with a sign around her neck, "This is what happens to assassins around here", as a deterrent to other chicken eating preds.

Holiday Weekend Visitors!

This past weekend, Tay was able to capture a picture of the mother turkey and her 12 babies that have been frequenting our "Churkey Loft" coop over the past week or so.

She has been making a daily stop for some chicken feed before moving on with her peeps in tow.

It is truly amazing to see one hen care for so many baby birds, who fly up in the trees at the slightest strange sound. I think "Mother of the Year" honors may be in the cards if she raises them all to adulthood given the multitude of predators.

Come November, we might just have a hotspot for Thanksgiving dinner!

Milkshakes, Anyone?

Damn. The Detroit Red Wing fans are really piling on the Penguin fans after the Hossa signing on the ESPN message boards. My favorite one came from a poster called "Clementd":

DRAINAGE PITTSBURGH, DRAAAAAINAGE!

IF PITTSBURGH HAS A MILKSHAKE. AND DETROIT HAS A MILSHAKE. AND DETROIT HAS A STRAW. AND IF DETROIT'S STRAW REACHES ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE WAY OVER AND STARTS TO DRINK PITTSBURGHS MILSHAKE.

WE DRINK YOUR MILSHAKE!

WE DRINK IT UP!

Damn, that's cold.

Help, My Local Sportswriter Is An Asshole!

I know Pittsburgh fans can empathize with me. You guys have one Mr. Bob (the clown) Smizik.

If you are a New York Ranger fan, your nemesis is Larry Brooks, the know nothing, smug, know-it-all extraordinaire.

His recipe for fixing the Rangers for 2008? Sign Mats Sundin, sign Sean Avery for more than 4M a year, same with Brooks Orpik, who is a defensive defenseman who can't even clear his own net and Jaromir Jagr.

After calling for Sather's firing for years, Sather finally gets it. Shore up the defense and let the kids play. With yesterday's Columbus trade (which was pure genius given that fellow Russian rookies are on the way), Sather dumped a horrible Backman contract (which was worth it just by itself) and also included the Rangers most pricey young defenseman (Tyutin, 23 points I think last year) and acquired a 23 year old dynamic scorer in Zherdev and a 4th line center. Of course he overpaid by 2M on Redden, but the money he save on Backman's extra years makes it hurt a lot less. Now the defense will be top notch in the league (I think it will rival Detroit) and the youngin's will be allowed to fly on offense.

So far a solid plan by Sather to make the Rangers younger and more difficult to defend/score on.

Is Larry Brooks happy? No, he's all sour grapes and posts an article today entitled "Blueshirts Keep Failing To Score" in which he laments sather's ability to sign Sundin, Jagr, Avery, and Orpik as if those guys are some sort of magic tonic for the team.

Larry Brooks is a shriv. Didn't he watch the Rangers miss the playoffs all those years as they chased aging superstars each year in attempt to brew a cup champ? Ten long years proved that it just doesn't work that way.

Get the homegrown talent in place, build through the draft, make a few trades and when the team gels, then sprinkle in a few free agents. Does it really take a rocket scientist to figure that out? Even the retards at the Hockey News know that (and Larry is a contributor to that rag).

Anyway, I hope to God Larry retires and gives us a sportsbeat writer with a lot more knowledge and insight on hockey. You can tell that Larry is just mailing it in and collecting his paychecks. He writes controversial opinions when it suits his grand purpose (of getting people to listen to an aging sportswriter who's best years are long gone).

Please retire, you jackass. Or at least have the NY Post replace your online Ranger tripe with another one of New York's finest sportswriters. Hell, at this point, I'd be happier with an AP wire story.

Hossa Pisses On The Penguins!

1 Year contract, 7.45M deal with the Stanley Cup winning rival Detroit Red Wings.

Damn, that's cold...

Marian Hossa has pretty much told the Pens that they are not an organization that he would like to play for and that they have virtually no chance of winning the Stanley Cup in the near future.

He has foregone any long term security and similar money.

That is extremely rare in the sport. That not only says that I want desperately to win the Cup but it also speaks to an unexpressed opinion that there is something about the Pens franchise that Hossa thinks will keep the Pens from winning the cup over the next 5 years (the duration, I think the Pens offered).

Is it the coach, the management...Crosby the diver??? Did Malkin screw Hossa's wife? Who knows? One thing I do know is that we won't hear anything from Hossa's mouth about it. But, it has to be something big.

If I'm a Penguins fan, I am pissed off and feel pissed on.

What Hossa did speaks volumes for where he thinks the Pittsburgh franchise is going...ouch! I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Hossa will receive 10 times worse treatment than Jagr ever received in his post-Pens career.

Why They'll Be Eating Sand Sometime In The Future!

What a bunch of dumbasses. First a diamond encrusted car, now something so incredibly stupid, it is almost impossible to believe. For years I've been saying that it would probably make sense for the Middle East nations to use it's vast oil riches to buy topsoil, so that when their oil runs out, they'll at least be able to raise crops to feed the masses. Stories like this make me believe that they're going to all starve in the future. From today's Wall Street Journal:

Read My License Plate: It Cost Me a Fortune
Oil-Rich Persian Gulf Drivers Take Vanity Tags to a Whole New Level
By MARGARET COKER July 1, 2008; Page A1

ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates -- With oil near record highs, the Persian Gulf is awash in cash, stimulating a return to some very conspicuous consumption. Ferrari S.p.A. says sales in the Middle East leapt 32% last year. BMW Group's Rolls-Royce Motor Cars says the UAE, a country with a population of just 4.6 million, is now one of its top five global markets. All those expensive cars clogging the roads have given rise to another must-have status symbol: a prestigious license-plate number. Managing Director Abdullah Al-Mannaei displays license plate number '1,' which sold for $14 million. "Everyone has a nice watch, a nice car," says Abdullah Al-Mannaei, organizer of the city government's monthly auction of desirable numbers. "It's not enough to just have a Ferrari anymore." Hundreds of men in starched robes descend on an opulent hotel here to vie for the most distinguished digits. Earlier this year, Abu Dhabi businessman Saeed Khouri made headlines and the Guinness Book of World Records when he paid $14 million for the tag simply sporting a "1." (The auction can be viewed on YouTube.) His cousin, stockbroker Talal Khouri, paid $9 million for "5" -- the second-largest sum ever paid for a license plate. Abu Dhabi is hardly the first boomtown to be swept up in luxury license plates. Hong Kong has had a thriving auction for years, while high-rolling Russian executives have gone to great lengths to secure custom tags. While Emiratis have informally traded license plates for years, auctions are a new phenomenon for the UAE, which last year boasted 79,000 people with net assets above $1 million, excluding their primary residence, according to the Capgemini/Merrill Lynch world wealth report. That's up 14% from the year prior. Like Abu Dhabi, the neighboring state of Dubai started its own auction a year ago. Bahrain is planning to start one later this summer. Mr. Al-Mannaei, organizer of the Abu Dhabi auction, is negotiating for another with officials in Egypt -- which may not have much oil itself, but is riding a regionwide investment boom. Abu Dhabi is the undisputed capital of the craze. Although the place is sleepier and more conservative than glitzy Dubai, 75 miles away, Abu Dhabi's small business community is far wealthier, thanks to the city's status as one of the world's largest oil producers. Plus, as the nation's capital, Abu Dhabi has first dibs on the choicest license-plate digits.

The title link will give you the rest of the story. I couldn't possibly read another word of this nonsense.

Bluey's Flock

Our chicks are slowly growing into hens and I am really starting to worry about becoming a "crazy chicken man".

I come home from work and sit around feeding my birds watermelon and grapes rather than playing my Xbox360.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Here is an updated picture of the girls taken with the Moultrie game cam.

I use the cam to document predator visits, so I know when I have to do some raccoon/varmint hunting.

My Favorite NHL Draft Day Trade Rumor

Pittsburgh's Evgeny Malkin to Russia for NOTHING!!!

I think I would piss myself if Malkin accepts a rumored $12M contract to return to Russia and the Pens get stuck holding the bag. Then Penguin fans can blame Russian oil company windfall profits for providing the cash necessary for such a transaction.

To Boldly Go Where Probably Many Men Have Gone Before

"Warp speed to future alimony, Sulu!"



I have to say, I am getting so tired of hearing about gay marriages. I'm actually looking forward to gay divorces, so these folks can realize how good they had it before with relationships without the legal ties.

Boo Fucking Hoo!

The New York and national media is making a big deal about how "badly" the Willie Randolph firing was handled by NY Mets GM Omar Minaya. Apparently, Willie was "forced" to make a trip to California and was fired after last night's game despite winning. Also, it being 3:14am EST had some kind of bearing on how poor the timing was.

I say "Boo Fucking Hoo!"

Willie Randolph has failed to lift this 140M team out of its' tailspin from a year ago when the team blew a 7 game lead with 17 games to go (which is the worst collapse in the history of the sport!). He is a super nice guy but the team has just stopped responding to him. He shows little to no fire or emotion and neither has the team.

The guy is still slated to collect millions on his three year contract for doing nothing. I guess it is either a slow news day or the lazy journalists are bitter that they had to get up out of bed to do their job. I'm sure the latter had plenty to do with it. God forbid a newspaper or media outlet stays open past 11pm these days to report a story or include a late boxscore.

I, for one, welcome the firing but still want Heilman, Schoenweiss and Wise's heads on platters as well. And Jerry Manuel, interim coach seems to be a Randolph clone showing little to no emotion, so I remain dissatisfied with the end result.

Omar Minaya needs to send a message and trade one or all of these guys, and add maybe a Billy Wagner or Carlos Delgado and trade them to a crappy baseball town like Pittsburgh, Kansas City or Tampa Bay. Nothing motivates players like the threat of being moved somewhere they don't want to go. Getting the mindset changed is of paramount importance at this point. Minaya needs to do something bold on top of the Randolph firing since Manuel is not a firebrand motivator.

We'll see what happens. And, to all you sports "journalists" out there, quit your fucking crying or get real jobs!

Bluey's First Walleye

We ended up having some perfectly cool overcast weather out on Lake Erie for the walleye tournament this past weekend.


Flav and I chipped in with surprisingly our only two walleye of the day, while B caught a monster sheephead (among the multitude of them we caught) and Cal caught a bevy of white bass on line #4.

I kissed my walleye for luck but we couldn't get Flav to touch a fish all day, not even his walleye for a picture (he's plum scared of fish). That's what I blame the walleye drought on. After that, we cleaned up exclusively on white bass and sheephead as the walleye remained elusive.

Captain Popeye kept us entertained with tons of crazy boating stories and B proved to us that, miraculously, even on the open water with a breeze, his "healthy" system could make a boat stink for almost 5 minutes at a time.

Overall, a good time had by all.

Gone Fishin'

The picture on the left represents one of the best days I had in my life fishing.

In July 1976, I went out with my Dad and four uncles on Lake Champlain in Vermont and came back with two 30+ inch northern pike. The damn fish were almost as tall as me.

My Dad and uncles caught nothing. It's a miracle they didn't throw me off the boat as I caught the fish on the left on just a small nub of a worm. I told the crew, "that's all I need to catch a fish". Yes, I was a jackass even at the tender age of ten.

This weekend, Flav, B, Cali and I are going on a fishing trip in a tournament in Lake Erie. Hopefully the results will be the same!

Catch up with you all on Sunday!

2007 Best Picture Winner (As Awarded By Bluey)

Juno...hands down, and it's not even that close.

Juno was much better than No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. I can't remember whether Juno was nominated for Best Picture but so far, of the 2007 films I've seen, Juno is the best far and away.

An interesting movie from start to finish with great and imperfect characters. I won't give anything away but I really can't say enough about it. There really isn't a bad performance in the whole movie and the story and dialogue is real and entertaining.

My favorite scenes involve an ultrasound technologist getting told off by Juno's stepmother and Juno's conversation with her Dad near the end of the film. Pure gold!

Ellen Page, as Juno, should have also walked away with a Best Actress Oscar. And, I usually hate to see children even nominated.

Bluey's Favorite Sitcom: Scrubs

Scrubs has been my favorite TV show for almost three years now. I rate it up there with the best comedy sitcoms ever (including Seinfeld). The advantage it has over most shows is that it has so many richly developed characters that each one could carry a whole show by themselves.

I was so excited that ABC seems to be picking it up from NBC for an eight season. It would be a real shame for this series to end on a few lame episodes poorly constructed during the Writer's Guild strike.

Unfortunately, this show doesn't seem to have ever gained universal approval from viewers. It kicks ER and Grey's Anatomy's asses and isn't even comparable since those shows are basically prime time soap operas whose stories have been done a thousand times before. Scrubs is just escapist good time fun that is infectious. Tune in and enjoy! I think that syndication is finally going to win this show a lot of fans. It's on several times a day.

42 Years Ago: The Pre-Internet Age Archives

Attention All Tree Huggers!

"Bluey is a horrible, horrible man. I was just minding my own business and not going near his chickens at all and that bastard shot me! That motherfucker should be put in jail, neeedlessly endangering God's creatures all over a few omelletes. I swear to God, I wasn't going to rip open the coop and snack on tasty chicken butts! Live and let live, I always say. Now I'm heading for the KFC in the sky. I hope my rotting putrid corpse makes him sick in the coming 90 degree weather! Please see to it that he is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."

Love, Rocky

Tay Tay's New Ride!

The Maidpro-mobile is in the house!

We finally got around to converting the white Durango into the bubbly Maidpro-mobile, fresh with a "MAIDPRO" license plate to boot!

So, if you see this vehicle roaming around your neighborhood, give Tay a honk!

"It's about time!"

Fat Loser Unemployed!

Poor Mark Madden was recently fired by ESPN.

The ironic thing is he was fired for saying one of the first things I actually agreed with him, saying that he had hoped Ted Kennedy "would live long enough to be assassinated." There's no way he should have been fired for that! He got great ratings despite being a jackass, so one can only assume ESPN was merely biding its time just waiting for any excuse to fire him. Bonus for me, I couldn't stand him anyway but I think that it was hypocritical for ESPN to boot him for that reason. I won't shed tears over it though.

Why Pittsburgh sports fans gave this retard ratings is beyond me. He is a narcissistic loser who probably is a "free sex virgin" who claimed an IQ of 160 as if sports talk required anything higher that a 70 IQ. If he was really that smart, he would have been doing something else for a living or not bragging about his IQ to the listeners that he clearly loathed. The guy regularly phoned in his show while watching soccer in the studio and was a total Penguin homer. He expressed open disdain for Steeler fans and the Pirates in general. Even though he bit the hand that fed his fat ass, somehow he manged to stay on the air much longer than I thought possible.

I saw him several times in my life, once at a Hooters, eating by himself. He appeared to be a pathetic specimen of a human being to be pitied. I'd severely doubt if he has many friends outside the few that are with him because he is a celebrity. He is also pretty much universally despised within his own profession. That being said, I'm sure somebody else will hire him, unfortunately. Hopefully it'll be far from here with no syndication.

Me, I prefer my sports radio to be unbiased, informative and light humored, not a day after day pissing match. Mark was neither unbiased or informative. He made a wonderful call on the Pens-Detroit series, calling the Red Wings a mediocre talented team full of old men. If hockey was his forte, he clearly came up short time after time with his analysis, which probably was done 5 minutes before showtime during his commute to work.

Thank you Jesus for ridding us of this waste of space!