"A-Rod Would Fuck Up A One Car Funeral Procession!", Exclaims An Angered Osama

Apparently, Yankee management is less than pleased with Alex Rodriguez after his plane went skidding off of a runway at Bob Hope Airport in California while failing to yield any fatalities.

"I gave him a boxcutter and told him that there would be no room for him on the 2007 roster, unless he was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for Allah. I promised him a roomful of plump virgins if he could bring his plane down possibly in the middle of the A's-Tigers game or at least at a shopping mall of some sort where capitalist pigs meet to idol worhip. So what happens??? The useless son of an infidel whore, falls and cuts himself with the boxcutter before the plane even takes off and then it skids to a halt to rush him to a hospital. No wonder why the bloated pig can't field a ground ball at third. He's pathetic."

Osama planned on waiving A-Rod after his untimely death, much as he did with Cory Lidle but will now have to look for another opportunity.

A-Rod had no comment other to assure the press that he considers himself part of the "solution".

Bluey: A Marketing Genius?

This is what happens when Tay asks me to help her with marketing materials.

She asked for my input on how to market cleaning services to newlyweds.

I think it's pretty damn effective and will definitely get the attention of the guy who is potentially weighing the benefits of hiring cleaning services.

What guy would say no to this?

Sheer Genius! Brilliant!

Steinbrenner Names Osama As New Yankee GM

In an effort to light a fire under the underachieving New York Yankees, George Steinbrenner announced that Bin Laden would become the Yankee general manager, replacing Brian Cashman, in a 11AM press conference.

"I think that this capitalist pig team has gotten fat and lazy carrying around a 200+M payroll. The players are not responding to Joe Torre and this move will ensure that the players buy into the Yankee jihad against the rest of the infidels in an effort to capture Allah's glory of a MLB trophy", said an excited Osama.

When asked about the future of A-Rod, Osama exclaimed, "We will find some use for this American pig". Bin Laden also said that he would try to revamp the Yankees failed pitching staff as soon as possible.

A few hours later, Yankees pitcher, Corey Lidle, piloted his personal plane into a fifty story apartment complex.

"Herro...I'm Back!"

It'll sure be interesting to see if the U.N. imposes sanctions finally on North Korea after an underground nuclear test. If it fails to do so, it may just be time for the United States to withdraw from the U.N and establish a similar body consisting of their NATO allies.

While Russia and China are talking a big game about this underground test, I believe that their only reason is to avoid the placement of US nukes in Japan and South Korea. If our little "ronery" buddy escapes sanctions this time, I think it pretty much invalidates the U.N. and it's potential role in diplomacy between nations.

The U.N.'s unwillingness to take a stand or to become involved in many places around the world where there are heinous human rights violations, has made the body an absolute joke. It just may be time to walk away and let the rest of the world talk until they are blue in the face, resolving nothing.

I think sitting in on the U.N. charade actually weakens our position in the world. Maybe a little healthy fear of not knowing what the US will do in response to these events will shake a few idiots from the tree.

Assuming The Laws Of Physics Do Not Apply

There is a universal saying in Guydom that every man in the world has uttered at one time or another in his life. That saying is: "If I could suck my own dick, I wouldn't leave the house". We've chuckled at that phrase at the expense of women for years. But, is it really true?

If you can assume that the laws of physics didn't apply and that it was possible, how many men would really suck their own dicks for pleasure?

My hypothesis was pretty simple. I would have expected that when push comes to shove, about 95+% of men would pretty much back off that statement and be horrified at the reality of blowing themselves and that the universal statement was nothing but a load of hot air blown by men for generations.

So, I took a scientific poll of pilgrimagers to get to the truth. The questions were as follows:

Assuming the laws of physics didn't apply and you could suck your own dick, would you?

If the question was answered YES, then the followup questions were:
How much of a gap in difference between sucking your own dick and sucking another random dick was there? Was it a hop, skip, jump away or was it a wide gulf away (meaning that performing the act was just another acceptable act of masturbation)?

Is it okay to swallow?

If the question was answered NO, then the followup questions were:Why not? How much of a gap? Care to comment on swallowing?

After conducting an extensive poll of about 15 guys, I was pretty amazed to find out that about 26.6% (4/15) heterosexual men (okay, I couldn't exactly verify this), would indeed perform the deed on themselves.

I got a wide varying range of answers on whether the act was comparable to what would normally be considered a homosexual activity. Some men were disgusted by the prospect while others saw a huge difference between pleasing themselves and another man. Only one respondent said that it was okay to swallow 6.66% the throat yogurt.

Overall, a very interesting research study on an age old adage. My hypothesis failed and more men that I anticipated were indeed serious about "never leaving the house".

The 2006 Fall Pilgrimage

The weather is beautiful, the football field is a swamp, the dodgeball court is strewn with fallen leaves and the lake is looking cold but maybe just warm enough to jump in.

The Fall pilgrimage begins tonight with festivities beginning about 7pm or so.

Be there or be gay!

Oh Yeah...and GOOOOOO METS!!!!

Are They Kidding?

When I read stories of KFC growing chickens in small cages, farmers producing veal by placing young calves in a box, industries spraying perfumes and soaps in bunnies eyes or furriers killing animals for their pelts, I get a smile on my face.

Is is because I'm a heartless bastard? Well, I'd like to think not, but maybe.

No. The reason that I get a jolt out of these stories because it means that we're about to get a protest of naked chicks. Naked chicks in boxes and cages, you get the picture! For some strange reason PETA seems to believe that convincing their hot female membership that getting naked will really get the message out and bring awareness to PETA's issues and result in positive changes. I don't know how they exactly sell that pitch but I almost want to go out and abuse animals myself, just to get the naked protesting.

Hmmm...let's see. I want KFC to stop doing something that I find offensive. So, I send a couple of hot naked chicks to their place of business to protest. Of course, it draws a huge crowd and then, at lunchtime, people have got to eat?...don't they? A couple of drumsticks and a side of cole slaw later, it's back to ogling the naked chicks. Wash it down with another cup of Coke and bang! Another successful day of protesting.

Maybe one day, PETA will get wise and really send some nasty old skanks to get naked for their ads and protests. Then people may take notice of their plight and lose their appetite for the Colonel's extra crispy formula.

I guess that makes too much sense. Oh well.

Bring on more naked chicks. I can almost feel myself turning into a PETA convert (well, okay, that's a blatant lie, but how will they ever know?)

Bad Company...And I Ain't Denying It

CNN posted this picture in today's story of George Michael and his most recent brush with the law.

Apparently, this is supposed to be a recent picture of George on tour. I say bollocks to that! I know who this really is.

Another Separated At Birth candidate!!!

This "singer" goes by the alias of Pablo Honey, once scored a hit with "Radioactive" with Jimmy Page and can be found carrying the mail until his favorite show, Card Sharks comes on the Gameshow network at 2PM.

Roger Waters: The Dark Side Of Osama's Ass Tour

September 24, 2006

Tay and I went to see the Roger Waters' show at Star Lake Amphitheatre last night. For the most part, the show was very enjoyable. I still believe to this day that Roger Waters represents the "true" Pink Floyd, while the other guys, David Gilmore included, are a roving bunch of pseudoFloydian hacks.

Waters' music through the years has always understandably had strong anti-war undertones. The guy's father was killed in Anzio during WWII. Maybe he saw little point in that war but I'm sure that millions would disagree with his assessment. It's easy for peaceniks to denounce war for any reason and decry that the tree of liberty is stained with the blood of patriots. They live in an idealistic world where they paint the tyrant tag on just about any political leader. But, I think age and creeping senility has finally taken it's toll on ol' Rog.

I was more than a little annoyed when I saw "Leaving Beirut" on his set list for this tour. The song was inspired by a story where his car broke down in Lebanon and how all the wonderful misunderstood Arabs helped him in 1960 something. The song then uses that story to make a leap about how all Arabs are misunderstood and how they all are a kind, sweet people and that magically, 2006 is no different than 1966. It goes on to imply that the conservatives and religious right somehow fucked up the world in the last 40 years to justify the Islamic extremism we see today.

As if 9/11, which happened on the heels of an eight year Clinton presidency, was somehow our fault. That people I knew were dead because of something we did to wrong the Middle East. Fuck that bullshit.

Finally, he released a balloon pig (a la Animals tour), with the message "Impeach Bush" on it's ass.I have three things to say about all of that. First of all, Waters got some hearty boos from more than a few in attendance including myself. I heard that they booed his sorry ass in New York City as well as he tried the same hystrionics the day after September 11th. Secondly, Waters, in describing the Lebanese people sounds like Sean Penn describing Iraq as having "flowery meadows, rainbow skies and rivers of flowing chocolate where the children danced around with gumdrop smiles".

Sooner or later, the Lebanese people have to be held accountable for allowing extremist assholes to hijack their country. As far as I'm concerned, they are all guilty by association until they do something to fix their own damn country.

Is Waters really that delusional that he can paint one positive experience to encompass and generalize about a whole region of people. And a region forty years later, no less! If you did that with a negative experience, you'd be branded a racist. Thirdly, Mr. Waters can get his sorry limey arse out of my fucking country and take the singing Irish assholes (U2) with him as well. The US is a convenient pitstop for these folks to ring the cash register and spout their anti-US message. Let's see how well he does playing in cities in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Syria.

Lastly, I'd like to drop his sorry ass in Lebanon today and see what happens. Maybe someone can "put him up against a wall" and chainsaw his head from his body. Then he can write a song about it and his offspring can get cheers in Pakistan for it.

My support for Roger Waters has officially ended. Hey Rog, thanks for all the great years of Pink Floyd and some wonderful music but you've gone too far off the deep end, so I bid you a fine adieu and say....Fuck You!

Xenon: Try A Tube Shot!!!

Hands down, one of my favorite pinball machines.

Xenon was an intergallactic slut hell bent on milking the sperm out of the human male species.

Beukey's recent mention on his blog of our obsession with playing Fireball (not to mention Comet and Cyclone), made me remember one of my all time favorite pinball machines. Our campus eatery had the machine and I don't want to even think about how much of my money I pumped into Xenon's vagina er... coinslot.

As you played the game, the blue skinned Xenon would prod you on with some sexy talk as she walked you through all of her erogenous zones on the board. As you started hitting them with regularity she would start warming up with ooohs and ahhhs as you started foreplay by knocking down her targets and hitting all her buttons. As you pumped the flippers furiously, she would start cooing and moaning until she just couldn't take the teasing anymore. In a throaty voice she would utter "Try a tube shot" and she would keep reminding you until you filled her tube with your manhood er... the pinball.

You'd shoot the ball into her plastic vagina and she would absolutely go nuts and cry as if in post-orgasmic passion. If you could wreck her tube a few more times, you'd "knock" her up and get a free game. Overall, money well spent and cheaper than a hooker. Xenon represented some of my first sexual experiences. No one could buck in front of my groin quite like her.

And she never expected you to call the next day!

Pittsburgh Pirates Sweep 2006 World Champion NY Mets

Yes, and it made me sick to my stomach.

The girls and I went to Friday night's game and my girls celebrated the Pirates victory and danced on the Diamonvision screen not once, but twice.

The Pirates took the Nimbus 2000 and cracked it over Metropolitan skulls. The Mets failed all three times to clinch the NL Least.

Loni, Bebis and Kitty played spoilers as they cheered the Bucs on to victory!

I got the last laugh as I beat them when we got home. If you got a problem with child abuse...write your congressman! lol.

Can You Believe What CNN Is Advocating These Days?

This story was lifted verbatim from the CNN website:

Toss that salad: E. coli outbreak linked to spinach

If you have bagged spinach in the fridge, toss it. The Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers nationwide not to eat fresh bagged spinach, saying it may be the source of a multistate E. coli outbreak that has killed one person and made dozens sick. "We're advising people not to eat it," said Dr. David Acheson of the FDA.

I almost pissed myself when I read that headline. Although they fail to mention whether the salad should be "tossed" with syrup or some kind of jelly.

Interesting enough, the FDA guy quoted in the article has a similar name to a student that used to work in our office years ago who was on the "eight year plan". I used to call him "Fountain Boy", because he was a "know-it-all" but his information was rarely accurate. I used to call him a fountain of misinformation and later it was simplified to "Fountain Boy". One day, our supervisor at a group function referred to him as "Fountain Point" and almost cause many of us to piss ourselves laughing. I guess she picked it up from everyone calling him that nickname, but she botched it. Then we started calling him "Fountain Point" and it stuck big time.

And if anybody was an expert on "tossing salad", it probably would have been him.

BS Poker: Skeevemont Style!

Attendees: Meersky, Poppinfresh (+Erie), Herr Gavo, Gordo, Griffin (+Tracer), Blue, HMO Blue, Don Felatio, Jammer, and Bluey.

We all "had a nice meal" of pizza and then proceeded with the poker at two tables.

At the BS Poker table: Herr Gavo, Gordo, Bluey, and Jammer taught Blue the finer points of the game including "lowballing (acting as France to bomb Libya)", "spiking", "acting as the human octagon (as taught by Professor Meersky)", "how to sell crazy" and "swallowing like a circus seal".

I think we made a BS convert of Blue and expect him back for further craziness. Choder also made wonderful use of "Spanking Vader" to entertain the troops and Gavo reprised his role of Dr. Strangelove.

At the Texas Hold Em' table: Don Felatio, Poppinfresh, Griffin, Meersky and HMO Blue played the most conservative game you'll ever want to see. After almost 4 hours, this $5 buy in game had to be settled by a cold hand between Highmark Blue and Poppinfresh (with Highmark winning). The guys played like a bunch of pansies and Irish's crazy betting antics which usually serve to push more chips into the kitty were sorely missed. The Hold Em table didn't provide the BS table a 6th player until almost 3 hours of play! Players suspected that Highmark's playing cards or chips must have been jinxed as the cards were colder than the Iron Beaver in Antarctica.

We jibed to the stylings of the gayest 80's mix imaginable and not a soul complained! Good call HMO Blue! The night also served as Hamdog Benefit Night as the attendees all brought special items to be shipped in a care package to Awahoo. Edgewood and Swissvale were represented and Mr. Bubbles announced that he would make the arduous trip to "convince" Hamdog to attend our next session.

In all, a very fun night, but the split tables cut down on a lot of the usual insane banter. We'll have to re-evaluate the the prospects of lumping them together.

New quote: "Texas Hold Em' is ruining BS Poker!!!"

Overheard on Friday, September 8th!

You and me
We come from different worlds
You like to laugh at me
While I sodomize a squirrell (pronounced "sqwirl")
Sometimes I'm crazy
And you wonder why
I'm such a baby
Cause the Dolphins make me cry (28-17)
And there's nothing left to do.
I only want to be with you.

Last week, I was given about 10 free tickets to a Hootie and the Blowfish concert. I had no interest in going, but figured that I'd try to give them away. I figured that there must be a few closet Hootie fans out there that might want them.

It turns out that giving away Hootie tickets is like asking your friend to accompany you up to the dark empty balcony of a Village People show and expecting a hummer in return for the free tickets.

My Initial Email:

Blue and I are swimming in Hootie and the Blowfish tickets. I have 10 tickets for the Post-Gazette Pavillion show, given to me by one of the guys in our office. I don't plan on attending. The show is for this Friday, September 1.

Just thought I'd ask, since some of you are of questionable sexuality.

P.S. Um...in case it isn't abundantly clear, the tickets are free.
Hugs and kisses,Bluey

The responses:

(From Trimpdog): will there be a special guest appearance by Richard Marx or Michael Bolton? if so, I am soooooo interested

(From Hamdog): You know I'd be all over these, if I still lived in pgh. "Hold my Hand", "I only want to be with you", etc. All good.

(From Gordo): you will have to PAY people to take them....

(From Killer Miller): I heard Boy George will be working as a Janitor and George Micheals will be the bathroom attendant! I can't wait to go! Where's Pimp-n-Playa? He's probably standing in line already with Meersky.

(From Hamdog): Bluey - what's their song about Dolphins in the rain, or something like that?

(Bluey's Response): I'm such a baby cause the Dolphins make me cry....but there's nothing I can do.....I only want to be with you!!!or my personal favorite alternate lyric:You and me, we come from different worlds, you like to laugh at me while I sodomize a squirell (pronounced sqwirl under my literary license), and there's nothing I can do....I only want to be with you.

(From Highmark Blue): You, fully grasping that even going to see hootie is salad tossing with syrup gay, decide to announce that you and another man are quote "swimming in Hootie and the Blowfish tickets"??????It's like saying, "I know this will sound gay but I need some man meat" This is turning into a greek bath house scene from some gay porno.

(From Gordo): i find your comments about sodomizing a squirrel offensive. i was former squirrel trainer for gieco. i taught these vermin to cross the road safely out of harms way...squirrels were not put on this earth to be sodomized or ridiculed...

(From Hamdog): Highmark Blue- are you saying that salad tossing with jelly is acceptable? or just less revolting than with syrup?

It should be no surprise then, I was unable to give away a single concert ticket. Although, if it was Duran Duran, I'm sure Hamdog would have driven back from Awahoo to see Simon LeBon and the boys.

How Fitting and Remarkably Poignant

The picture to the left are Ipod cases with different kinds of dinosaurs on it. The image of such a sight got me to thinking about our country and how fitting it is that they put extinct dinosaurs on an Ipod case. Okay, just a warning, I'm going on a rant, so be prepared. It's these god damn Ipods, they bring out the worse in me.

The Ipod, to me, is a symbol of what is wrong with this country. I'm not talking about the very young or the very old. I'm talking about what the Baby Boomers started and what Generation X (my g..g.g..g...eneration) has continued. We're a nation enamored with toys, gadgets and having the very best of everything. We waste boatloads of money on crap we just don't fucking need. And it's never enough for us. We just go out and buy more and more junk.

Meanwhile, the Baby Boomers, who were a product of a post war US, which was a time of great personal sacrifice, have not returned the favors given by the sweat and blood of the Greatest Generation's hard work. What am I talking about? Kids, children, rugrats.

Our country is so enamored by toys that people are putting off having families or not having families at all. Our generation looks at children as a huge burden and our generation as a whole seems totally incapable of even raising the children they've got. Instead, pawning them off on others to raise.

And we complain about immigration laws. We worry about an upcoming showdown against Islam. We lament the fact that Social Security will go belly up. We're pissed now that we can't continue to turnover homes for fantastic profits now that the housing market is starting to sour as Baby Boomers retire.

This country is in a major crux as far as I'm concerned. We have a nation of great wealth and a preponderance of spoiled assholes that feel entitled to the best of everything with no personal sacrifice whatsoever. God only knows if we'll give anything tangible to the next generation. It won't be large enough to support us in our old age or large enough to fight a war that is coming right at us at some point. Our decadence makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. What we are good at, is arguing among ourselves and creating political rifts that run contrary to what our country was founded upon.

Diversity among immigrants once made our nation the strongest in the world. Now, we shamelessly push our own opinions as gospel to others thereby enhancing the gulf between Americans. Conservatives and Liberals are equally to blame. I heard recently that Al-Qaeda uses Michael Moore's documentary in training their forces. I wonder how that makes him feel. It's sad really.

Do us all a favor. Forget about buying a 800K home. Forget about saving the baby seals and stupid rabbit eyes. Forget about saving souls. Let the Lexus' sit on the dealership lots. If we don't wish to work menial tasks anymore (like cleaning our own homes or cutting the grass!), let's not get upset when the only ones that will do it may not be born Americans. God knows these menial tasks are well beneath us...unfuckingbelievable!

Go home and fuck.

Be plentiful and multiply for God's sake if you can. It's a gift that should not be taken lightly. Take the time and raise your families and let's build a fucking bonfire with all of our Ipods and assorted gadgets and dance like wild indians around them with our children. There is a war coming. It doesn't matter that we don't want it. And when it comes, your families and the people around you will be all that matters. Not the fucking gadgets we spend countless hours slaves to under the guise of entertainment. Maybe you only wanted one child because you think that's all you can afford. But when it comes down to it, who named you as God and promised that your one child would live to the ripe age of 94. After you are dead, who will they have? As a nation, we are setting ourselves up for a great fall. We are trading in the greatest institution, the Family, for the goal to be children forever!

The Ipod with a dinosaur cover is one of the most poignant images I've seen. I just hope that it is not foreshadowing of the future. This is one great nation and I'd hate to see the decadence and complacency that did in the Roman empire work its' same magic. Our nation has the power to change the world for the better, but we seem to be falling into the trap of one that is desperately begging to be entertained 24/7. No good ever comes of that.

It's a real shame that it will probably take a large disaster to make us refocus on the things that really matter. Okay, it's time to step off the soapbox.

Crank (and another Separated At Birth Candidate)!

Why is it everytime I see the coming attractions for the new movie, Crank, do I think of a certain someone who is pictured to the left and our most recent separated at birth candidate for Chicago Cubs pitcher, Kerry Wood?

Crank, the movie, starring this particular pilgrimage friend would probably go something like this:

A police officer is injected by a killer with a substance that will kill him unless he doesn't orgasm every 2 hours. The side effects of the drug are excessively dry lips and an itchiness in his upper quads. Our hero is on a quest to find the killer and deal out justice while stopping in strip clubs and massage parlors bi-hourly to get a chub on and a little happy ending in the process, just to stay alive!

The film features a bevy of porn stars in "legitimate" roles, each taking one for the team to keep our city's finest detective hot on the trail!

Mix that in with frequent trips to an Al-Qaeda owned 7-11 for replacement Chapstick and a feminazi owned blue jeans store (as the frequent thigh rubbing necessitates a need for new pants daily) and you've got explosive highjinks to keep even the comatose glue to their theatre seats.

Crank, the movie, coming to a theatre near you. Rated NC-17 for excessive thigh rubbing and lip licking action.

Well worth the $9 admission price.

I Have A Hot, Crazy, Big Breasted New Neighbor!

Then, why would you say that I'm a whole lot less than thrilled?

It might have something to do with the fact that his name is Bart and the reason he is topless is because he is so hot in this August weather.

I made the mistake of saying hello to him the other day. Then on Saturday, as I left Tay on the front porch to get some groceries at the store, I came back to find Bart "hitting on" my woman. I introduced myself and he was hesitant about telling me his name. When he finally relented, we made about 20 seconds of small talk and I wished him a fine day.I walked up on the porch and told Tay, "I'm gone for five minutes and you're cheating on me? Didn't your mom ever tell you that you don't date guys with bigger tits than yours?"

After Tay and I finished lunch, we're all cozy sitting on my couch enjoying the solitude when someone starts yelling through the screen door, about 10 feet from us. It scared the hell out of me. It was psychoboy. He blathered on about having problems with his DVD player and I, visibly annoyed, told him I didn't know anything about DVD systems and pretty much closed the door in his face.

What a fricking nutjob.

My life in NYC taught me two things:

Carry your wallet in your front pocket and don't be nice to crazy people or they will follow you around forever.

Postscript: It turns out the fair Irish lass Erie, knew all about Bart and failed to warn me. For that, I'll have to have Poppinfresh administer a spanking!

New Orleans: Dig A Hole (Moat) Already!

When you're a kid at the beach and you are constructing sand castles, every once in a while a wave may come in and fills your moat and knocks down a wall or two. It's usually no problem as walls can be fortified or a deeper or more complex moat can be constructed (assuming your castle is built above sea level) to rectify the situation. But if the waves start coming in and taking down the whole castle, it can be surmised that it's time to relocate your sand castle further away from the water. Seems rational doesn't it?

Then, why on God's green earth are we trying to resurrect a below sea level city after it has pretty much been destroyed by a hurricane? Doesn't it make more sense to relocate the city further north? People seem to forget that land mass geography changes all the time. Seashores lose inches of coastline every year. Underground plate movements also facilitate changes in geography. Can someone tell me why we spend billions of dollars fighting nature instead of accepting that sometimes it just doesn't make sense, especially in the case of New Orleans.

I'm not saying that we should abandon the city. Let's just move it upstream, above sea level and spend our money rebuilding in a location that doesn't require or heavily rely on levees to keep disaster at bay. Hell, it would make more sense to build New Orleans three miles out into the Gulf of Mexico, underwater (a la Atlantis), than to rebuild on the same site. It's not like we're trying to save the pyramids here. New Orleans doesn't have, what I consider, anything that can't be replaced. If I was a resident there, I wouldn't want to rebuild my house with the threat of a repeat disaster looming.

I also find it curious that N.O. mayor, C. Ray Nagin, had the gall to criticize New York City this past week for dragging their heels in World Trade Center site planning to rebuild on top of a "hole in the ground".

Apparently, Ray, thinks that something should have been built there already or at least started.

Ok, so maybe NYC is in a "planning gridlock" where several parties are warring about what what the best plan for the space should be. That's not an issue with good ol' Ray, who is intent on returning residents to New Orleans well before it's safe for them to do so.

And what's just around the corner? Hurricane Season!

Maybe if Ray quit being critical about everyone around him, the federal government and NYC officials, he would realize that his time would be best spent resolving New Orleans planning issues without rushing into retuning to the status quo.

New Orleans residents just gave him the thumbs up by re-electing him for another term. Let's hope that the faith they placed in his hands is justified. I remain very skeptical of his ability to do anything requiring an original thought. Granted, he doesn't have any power to relocate New Orleans but he has the power to make sure Louisianna's politicians consider all possibilities.

But Ray is sentimental, not rational. It sounds like the rest of New Orleans holds the same opinion. So, I guess we'll continue to sink billions into the Gulf of Mexico and wait for the next disaster that may come in only a few short months.

Hallelujiah! Another Move Complete!

Thank you, Jesus! I swear to God, I think I have maybe one more move left in me before someone's going to have to "dig a hole" and just cover me in dirt, if it goes beyond that.

The way I figure it, I have had 14 different addresses over my 40 year lifespan. And it's not like I grew up as an Army brat or anything. Twelve of those new addresses have occurred after the age of eighteen. I guess you can call me a nomad or a wanderer. I don't think that in any of the cases, I necessarily sought out a better place to live. Usually, it stemmed from needing to change locations for one reason or another.

Anyways, another move complete. I'm entirely ecstatic about the new place, two miles away from my employment and I halved the distance from my progeny. Sorry for a lot of radio silence in the month of August, I have been without internet service at home.

Resumption of blog craziness to continue in T minus 3 seconds...2...1...

Dave Kingman and Mark "I'm Not Interested in the Past" McGwire and their Hall of Fame Credentials

Mark McGwire faces Hall of Fame voters this coming year and many sportswriters have indicated that they will vote for him on the first ballot. Others believe that they cannot vote for him because they believe he used steroids (which, I think is pretty much a given). Some make a Kingman comparison in which McGwire is just a new steroid filled version of Dave Kingman.

Both were products of USC and converted pitchers.

As I look at the career stats, it's a compelling argument. Early in McGwire's career, he was a low batting average, high strikeout power hitter. If you translate out his early years to a full career, you pretty much mimic Kingman's numbers.

Then comes steroids and the largesse that follows. McGwire's deep flyballs become extra base hits and HRs and check swings and broken bat contact become bloop base hits. Thus batting average improves somewhat, but is probably impossible to exactly quantify.

The comparison of career numbers:

Kingman 6677 AB, 901R, 442 HR, 1210 RBI, 85 SB, .236BA, .478 SLG

McGwire 6187 AB, 1167R, 583 HR, 1414 RBI, 12 SB, .263BA, .588 SLG

Neither player was anything special in the field defensively. The question, then, is: how much does taking steroids add to the statistics?

I would argue that the statistics are pretty close as they are. Take out a 60, and 70 HR McGwire season fueled by steroids and the numbers are eerily close. Jose Canseco claimed that McGwire was using steroids for literally 5+ years, at least.

Now, I have nothing personal against McGwire. I liked him as a player but lost all respect for him with his tap dancing in congress. He should have owned up to the steroid use that is so apparent in his responses. I am of the belief that the steroid junkies should be passed over by the writers and left to the Hall of Fame members to decide their fate.

The only point I'd like to make is that, if McGwire gets into the Hall, Kingman should as well.