It's Not The Toe, It's The Toe Knuckle!

Splendid...just splendid! Another case of gout in advance of the spring pilgrimage and the opening of my softball season on Sunday morning. I'm barely able to walk without excruciating pain. I couldn't even put a pair of dress shoes on this morning. And it's on my non-Jesus foot to boot!!!

I blame three people for my ongoing recurrences of gout:

1) My Dad: He must've passed some gout gene to me. He's been in pretty good shape his whole life and suffers regularly from gout. Thanks, Dad. A nice big inheritance might offset some of the pain and suffering!

2) My physician: She knew of my gout recurrences and put me on a diuretic (water pill) anyway for my high blood pressure. Of course, being a biochemist, i should have predicted that the pill would exacerbate the condition, but I'm all about the blaming of others for my problems.

3) My own fat ass: Okay, I'm not all about blaming others, but would it kill me to drop a few pounds?

I'm loading up on colchicine, coffee and cherries!!! Since there is really no good therapeutic drug for gout yet (Savient Pharmaceuticals is working on a new drug, Puricase, that I hope gets approved ASAP!), I hope to god I'm good to go for this weekend!

God-damned Toe-knuckle!

The New X-Files Movie: Monster Tree Alert!

Back in the day, I used to be hooked on the X-Files and watched it religiously with Beukey, Pablo Honey and Teddy Ballgame. Teddy had an interesting method of classifying the episodes.

The two classifications were:

1) Mythology - which involved the long running alien invasion plotline and involved some of the shows more memorable characters such as Cancer Man (or CSM, if you prefer), Fat Tony (as we called him), The Lone Gunman, Deep Throat, X, Well Manicured Man, or Teddy's favorites Krycek and the smoking hot Maria Covarrubias. These episodes were pure gold and I wish that Cris Carter would release them all by themselves in one DVD package.

2) "Monster Tree" - Episodes with some sort of crazy assed monster running around killing people. These episodes were mainly lame except the ones that were made to be funny, such as "Small Potatoes", which is still one of my favorite episodes. Episodes like "New Jersey Devil" were pretty much indicative to this type and were rather ho-hum. The episode "Home" was just downright disturbing and probably ranks up there with the most sickening TV show I ever saw. Teddy called all these creatures "monster trees" and would assess the episode after the first 20 seconds, "oh, goody...another monster tree".

Anyway, they have released details about a new X-files movie and I can already hear teddy moaning....

"Oh, goody another monster tree..."

I Wrote A Song Called...

"I got punched in the face for sticking my nose in other people's business!" (Glenn to Robbie Hart from The Wedding Singer -The Musical). I still piss myself when I hear that original line from the movie (smartly kept in the musical).

Tay and I went to see the last performance of The Wedding Singer at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh tonight. Overall, it was a very enjoyable show except for an unexpectedly disappointing and weak ending two scenes. Instead of the heart warming "Grow Old With You" ballad from Rob to Julia on a plane, we get a crazy scene inside of a Vegas "White House" wedding chapel, where there are several 80's personality look alikes that have to be introduced to be recognized. Pretty lame as the song gets broken into two halves and is a weak rendition to boot.

The musical was devoid of the 80's soundtrack but had some fun original music scores. I really thought that it would be a detraction, but it really wasn't. All of the funny one liners were kept intact including Robbie's "Ode to his ex-fiancee Linda". The Boy George character was hilarious, even without his missed "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" scene. It was a also a nice tribute to the 80's. God, us Generation X'ers are getting old!!!

Anyway, if anybody gets a chance to see this show down the road, I'd recommend it highly! It's no West Side Story, but it's a lot of fun! I'm officially training Tay to do Linda's dance moves on Robbie's bed at home for me...wow!!!

Release The Hounds!!!

"The horses are out of the barn"

"I dropped the kids off at the pool"

"The train has pulled out of the station"

"Full release!"

Thank you Jesus for giving us Sunsweet prune juice!

Although my ass still burns like Gollum falling into Mt. Doom's lava in Lord of the burning O-Rings. "I fell into a burning ring of fire...

My Blue Ribbon?

I'm just a simple boy from New York City.

I never attended 4-H or the Future Farmers of America meetings as a boy.

So, when my daughter, Kitty, received a pair of chickens, Arrowhead and Pancho, last spring from school, I knew that I'd eventually have to build a coop when they were full grown. Pancho never was healthy and he perished only a few days later, but Arrowhead, now renamed Churkey is doing just fine and laying 4-5 eggs per week!

So after 6 months of internet research and careful planning, I designed the coop that I wanted. Tay was highly skeptical of my design plans and referred to my throw together hoopie coop that I made out Aussie's old wooden bedframe. The one that I threw together on the fly to keep Arrowhead safe from the dog, cat and other predators when she was a chick. Tay and her family were less than kind regarding the merits of that structure.

Whenever I would show Tay, my new design ideas, she would roll her eyes and ask me why I just didn't bring her dad's old coop up to her house or buy one from a farm outlet. That made me even more determined.

So, $250 in supplies later, architectual plans in hand, I retreated to the garage to begin my project. And two months later, everyone is impressed...even Tay's Dad. I'm actually a little shocked as it came together better than even I ever thought it would. It has a perching pole inside the 2nd floor, nesting boxes for egg laying and a shingled roof. Now, we'll probably add another chick or two this spring to fully utilize it.

So, now that the hard part is over I got to thinking. Just because I grew up in NYC doesn't mean I can't live every boy's rural dream of winning a blue ribbon. I've won plenty of trophys in my life but no blue ribbons. I asked Tay to contact the local fairs to see if there is an entry division for farm structures or coop design. She laughed at me and told me there wasn't.

"Are you kidding me? They have people's baked goods, crappy needlepoint and so many other lame ass bullshit there. It's a farm fair, people show off their tractors for god's sake, why wouldn't they have a division for miscellaneous farm structures?"

"You're being ridiculous. I can't call the fair people. They'll laugh at me."

"I want a blue ribbon and yes, you will call them."

Stay tuned for the conclusion as the fairs are scheduled for the late summer. Will Bluey get his precious Blue Ribbon? Or will the Man kill his dreams?

More Of The Rat Cats!

Scott Schoenweiss: Please Die Already!

...or at least develop left arm cancer. You have been singlehandedly killing the Mets for two years now. You suck! Please retire or ask for a trade and do us Mets fans a favor. It just goes to show, any lefty with a pulse can pitch in the majors.

Add Aaron Heilman to my deathwish list too. He is pathetic. I'm starting to commiserate with the "Fire Willie Randolph" crowd. He is atrocious and for some reason, he is in love with using both these guys as much as possible.

We Have Rats!

Early in the morning sometime before dawn, our cat, Luna, spit out four little rats. She's a tiny cat and she's been bursting for about two weeks.

Here is the first picture of momma cat and her little ratlings!

Anybody wanting a kitty in a few months, put in your requests! First come, first served!

Wong's Wok promised to take any animals we can't find a home for. Or, there's always the river...

Momma and babies are doing just fine. It never ceases to amaze me how animals figure out how to care for their babies going on just instinct.

BS Poker: April 5

We had a nice turnout for pre-pilgrimage BS Poker! Choder tried his best to abdicate his position of Mayor of Swallower's Row and a very unlikely Meersky made a late surge in the polls to shed his octagonal chains and make a late try for the post. In the end, the position was very much up in the air.

All in all, a very entertaining evening!

Attendees: Bluey/Tay, Irish, Choder, Meersky, Cali/LiLi, Poppinfresh/Erie, Griffin/Tracer, Francois/Kimi.

Rikku: A Matrix by Forbidden Machina

Years ago I had a post touting the day that we invented a virtual Matrix environment for the elderly to happily live out the end of their days in a virtual world. You would live out the rest of your life in perpetual youth and vitality.

Many couples set aside one person each in which they ever got a chance to sleep with, that their spouse would be okay with. For example, for Tay's cousin LiLi, that would probably be someone like Michael Buble.

God knows I always tease Tay about letting me have a one night stand if I ever had a chance with a 19 year old gymnast. But that's not what I really want. I'm a little more sick and twisted than that.

But now I have another idea. When I am in a coma with terminal cancer, I want to be hooked up with "forbidden machina" PS2 that would put me in a virtual world with Rikku from Final Fantasy X.

Yes, this sick fuck would rather have a virtual cartoon character than a "real" virtual woman. Would Tay go for that or would that be considered cheating?

McCain Chooses Joe Lieberman as his VP!

Okay, so I'm a little late on my April Fool's joke, but how great would it be for John McCain to go to former Democrat, now Independent Lieberman on the Far Right's candy asses?

Of course it's never a good idea to infuriate your own party's most vocal contingent but I actually think that this would be a good idea and actually posed this pairing to my buddy Gavo's father-in-law a year or so back.

I like McCain because he brings a good conservative base with ideals to reach across the aisle and unite most Americans utilizing some nonpartisan common sense to each issue. He is not one to tow the party line like a robot. Joe Lieberman has those same sensibilities and it's no suprise that the two men have great respect for each other.

America finally needs a nonpartisan pairing to break the costly deadlock that the extreme left and right of each party have plagued our country with. Let's face it. America is a democracy that is being torn apart by the civil war between the nuts on both extremes. It's time to for those of us with some brains and common sense to shake hands and get these politicians to work for us instead of doing our fighting for minority held ideals.

The Wall Street Journal actually mentioned Lieberman as being on McCain's list of 20 possible VP candidates. I, for one, would like to see some critical independent problem solving occur in this country instead of this endless tug of war. Chop the wings off our parties already!

Aussie's A Ranger Jinx As Well!

I took Aussie to the Pens-Rangers game last night for her birthday trip to the Mellon Arena. The cartoonists were there and we sat for a quick sketch. Aussie cheered on the Pens and was mortified by my "Lets Go Rangers!" chants. It was all for naught as Aussie cheered the Pens on to a 3-1 victory. Ranger-killer Evgeny Malkin figured prominently again.

It was Aussie's first trip to the arena and she will definitely return again, but maybe not when the Pens play my precious Rangers. All in all a good time had by all!

Oh and by the way, I did roll my ankle on the walk back to the trolley and Aussie fibbed that I didn't, which made Tay doubt the need of a massage on my "Jesus foot" later in the day. The "Jesus Foot" story, however, is for another post.

My ankle is recovering fine, no thanks to the non-believing Tay Tay.

Why Can't I Have Normal Kids?

This is the text of an email I recieved from two of my daughters on Saturday morning after they were up goofing around all night Friday:

Itsssss pumpkin timeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! yo yo yo yo its friday and some things are goin down yo yo. we be workin da roof yo and we gettin paid for ittt.. Me and mah buds be cruisin in da hood while the moon is pumpin' and da sun tis sleepin yo. chaaaa weeee be show stoppin wit my pimpin rockin slice of deli chopped ham..get crunk...me and my momma be buyin sum new baggin gansta pants for mah chingin wing-wong yo. and mah bros be hoeing da lawwne fo mah pops. yo diggy diggity dawg we be chowin donn on da trippin swingin hoppin slappin ballin 5 dolla foot long... wen me n' mah hoes are in da mood fo sum grubbin r'freshment. we be changin the pokin hock-horrs on the corna pub yo. yo. yo. we in da club pluggin n' groovin n' purrin n' gettin down to dis jammin jiggin poppin bouncin slammin pumpin quackin pluckin tune yo. Wif mah bustin' chick in mah limmooo yo. yo and wen we gets to mah crankin loft we bes jankin' downn 2 dis' fringin moho sho. Pingin chainssss be hangin loooooowwwww on mah hawtttt kakker bag pantss yo. while we be junkin n' rappin n' linkin n' wumpin n' trumpin n' shlumpin n' grumpin n' blunkin n' twinklin', we be flashin and bashin' and slashin' n' crashin our blingage yoho. yoyo. yoblow. yocrunk.... since we be slicin dis crib n' squattin dis nail salon we be makin money.. we make it hail.. n' rain.. n' snow...get crunk.

BLLLAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.. is wat we liv fo yo. gimme sum uh dat BLLLAAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!! hoe yah!!!!! we be burnin up dis club we in cuz we be kickin it wif mah homies n' sum uh dis frangin BLLLAAAAANNNNNGGGG!!!! veronica is mah pimpin ho who is bustin a sweet move wif my bringgin jig. gagginnnnn' we be gagggin' wif chunks o' fro in mah soupin lops. we be grungin' n' grapin wif our grillz n our flickin floppin fridgin flupin backwerds hats. n we be diggin dese toe socks yo.

-----yours truly,
Lil' Aussie Rhymes & Sniggetyswankerbebis busta jam.

My March Madness

My interest in the NCAA tournament is lukewarm at best. I've never been much of a basketball fan.

But, my daughter Bebis, her school's point guard, has really turned that around for me.

You see, Bebis has some mad skilz on a basketball court. She is almost always the fastest girl on the court as she can dribble through an entire team and still can catch up to a fast break going the other way even if the girl has a twenty foot head start on her. She plays tenacious defense and plays so unselfishly, she is just as likely to make a last minute dish to a teammate than putting up her own shot.

Last night, Bebis led her team to a 22-20 last minute victory. She went 4 of 6 from the field and 3 of 5 from the free throw line. She also assisted on 4 other baskets.

With 40 seconds left to play, Bebis dribbled through four defenders on the other team and dished the ball to a wide open teammate for the winning basket. Damn, I'm so proud of her.

Bebis is only 13 and should do some damage when she gets to high school, assuming that my constant harrassment will result in her finally practicing free throws. Who knows, maybe we'll eventually see her in the NCAA women's tourney. Only time will tell.

Bebis rocks!

Happy Easter!

Thanks to my sis Kreeshka for sending this little Easter nugget!

All the Easter bunny left me was a case of poison ivy on top of the influenza I just got over last week.

Holy crap, I think I'm ready for the Elmer's factory.

Anyway, seeing the bunny get his makes my itching a lot more tolerable.

Happy Easter, my peeps!

Happy Holiday!

Here's hoping that your sweetie gives as much effort to this companion holiday that you gave on Valentine's Day!

God, does it get any better than this?

Pimpin' Ain't Easy: Spitzer-style!

You're the Governor of New York and you pretty much got there by being a unfeeling bastard of a pit bull prosecuting attorney. You dragged just about everyone you went after through the mud and made more enemies than Satan. Multitudes of New York politicians and businessmen would probably give their left arms to see your ass busted down.


How exactly do you think you could possibly get away with wiring cash to a shell corporation running a prostitution ring and transporting your ho's across states for a little action on the side because Silda hasn't been giving it up lately? How full of yourself and your power do you have to be?


Apparently, there is a huge shortage of brains and a massive supply of cajones. Looking at the guy, I would have never guessed he had it in him. I guess his Napoleonic ego begged to differ.

Which leaves me with one last question as I watched his wife stand by his side.


From a wife's perspective, Is it more acceptable for your husband to pay a hooker $5400 for a tryst from time to time than find out that he's been having an affair with an acquantance or an intern?

Bluey's World Hijacked by The Mucous!

Well, it seems that either God or the ghost of Myron Cope, struck down Bluey with Influenza last week, hence his absence from this page.

"Yeah Bitches! Party time in Bluey's World!", said one particularly large and nasty luger hocked up from Bluey's lungs late yesterday.

Order has seemingly been restored and Bluey's manic vitriol should return shortly.

The "Democratic" Party Is A Sham!

First, they have superdelegates, whose vote counts as much or more than entire districts of citizens and then, they arbitrarily choose to exclude another 5+ million people because two states (Florida and Michigan) wanted to vote earlier in the process, when their votes actually count.

Are dems that stupid, that they can't figure out that losing the massive amounts of delegates (366) in Michigan and Florida, would make it very difficult to tease out a winner in a close race? It sounds like they probably thought Hillary was a slam dunk.

And then on top of that, they split the delegates in each state by popular vote, which is utter nonsense. If you're going to go by popular vote, then have everyone vote on a national primary day and let the winner take all. I always thought the primary system discounted the wishes of those states voting later in the process. Does punishing the fine citizens of Michigan and Florida for wanting to take an equal part in the process make any sense to anyone?

But the party that is supposedly for the "people", will eventually have the elite in the democratic party choose their candidate, while ignoring countless millions of democrats. Not that I really give a crap one way or the other, I'm a Republican, but I do find it very amusing.

While both candidates are pretty much mirror images of each other, it probably makes no difference who wins. At this point, it is a battle over who can promise tho most crazy social programs, turn tail in Iraq faster and fuck the rich and US businesses harder.

All the things that will make the US a great nation in their eyes.

The Economist: March1st-7th, 2008

Featured on the cover of this week's The Economist is none other than our own lovable, noted people person and portfolio manager, Poppinfresh.

I love this picture!

It reminds me of days when I would go into Poppinfresh's office and ask him if we could possibly pare or sell an energy stock.

I'd look up at him in his darkened bear cave of an office and he'd be feasting on light sweet crude oil like Pooh Bear with his honeypot.

He'd growl something indecipherable to me and I'd walk out and be glad just to leave with my life.

"Mmmmm...light sweet crude......."

Bluey Obituary: Thank You Jesus!

...for finally taking Myron Cope! Possibly one of the most annoying and grating personalities in sports broadcasting history. He brought football broadcasting to an all time moronic low with all his "zany" myronisms like "Yoi", "Double Yoi" and the coup the grace, the "triple dog Yoi".

Ok, I made that last one up but c'mon. I know my Pittsburgh bretheren loved him but his voice gave me migraines and he added virtually nothing to a broadcast except for some local Pittsburgh flavor. When he lost his voice several years ago, I was happy because it meant that I no longer had to wish him dead.

Now Jesus has an "Immaculate Irritation" to deal with. Hopefully, Myron goes easy on the "dahntawn" schtick in heaven. He'll definitely test the "patience of a saint" theory!

And Then There Were Three...

Yesterday, at the NHL trade deadline, the Pittsburgh Penguins sent Erik Christensen, Colby Armstrong, prospect Angelo Esposito and a 1st round draft pick to Atlanta for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis. While this trade apparently gives the Pens probably the best offense in the East, maybe save Ottawa, I think that the addition of Gill to the blueline corps is the better addition.

You see, I believe that the Penguins major weaknesses for a cup run was the lack of a rugged, clear the net, type of blueliner and a playoff tested goaltender. Gill, I think fills the bill for the defense, but the Penguins chose, instead, to address a non-need with Hossa, giving up way too much for a three month rental player. If they sign Hossa to a deal after this season, then this trade was a no-brainer. But, the Pens don't exactly have trouble scoring goals, do they? While a Hossa addition sounds nice and dandy, the simple fact of the matter is that he has been atrocious when it counts...the playoffs.

Do Penguins fans whole-heartedly believe in Ty Conklin and MA Fleury to carry home a Stanley Cup? I think the team would have been better served to acknowledge Conklin's awesome run for what it is...a fluke. If the Pens don't plug Fleury in as soon as possible, they are fools. But even Marc-Andre is no guarantee of playoff success as we saw last year.

I think that the Pens dropped the ball on their #1 need...goaltending.

But the title of this article refers to the other more troubling factor to me. I've been watching the Pens all year and found a major flaw in their team. They are all left handed shots except for Kennedy, Letang and Laraque. Armstrong was a right handed shot, but now he's gone. Which, isn't that much of a loss, except for the fact that he was Sidney Crosby's best friend. But back to my point. If you've watched the Pens this year, they pass up tons of opportunities to feed left handed shots. I've never seen a team so unbalanced to the left side. I think it's going to cost them in the playoffs as teams will eventually get wise and trap them to the off side.

Apparently, Ray Shero isn't concerned with this as he picked up three more left shots in Gill, Hossa and Dupuis. Maybe, I'm stupid to focus on this but it does really affect the team as I watch their offensive plays develop. And it won't take a rocket scientist on opposing teams to see these tendencies as well.

The Pens are built for a Cup run. I truly hope they get to the Finals (of course, assuming my beloved Rangers have been knocked out) because I have season tickets and I've never been to a Cup final before. But I see the flaws that may come back to bite the Pens in the ass come round 1 of the playoffs again.

Ty Conklin is not the answer and the absence of right handed shooters are going to hurt them against playoff caliber teams, especially on the powerplay.

Mentas

On our daily lunch jaunts, Poppinfresh, Erie, Francois and myself run into alot of annoying people, namely yentas, but we have now run across the most annoying group of all.

Mentas.

They are mainly white-collar middle aged males who love to sit around and brag and talk obnoxiously loud about their BMWs, their all important jobs, their boats or vacation houses, etc...etc... Each one trying to one up the other and at even louder levels. I didn't think anyone could be that much of an outward self important jackass if they tried. Apparently when you get a group of mentas together, they have not a care as to how they come across to the rest of the world, such as the yenta.

While Yentas love to talk about others and criticize their ways, Mentas mainly talk about how great they are and their possessions.

Christ, what I wouldn't do for a good flamethrower on some days...

Could we really be this shallow as a nation?

An Onion Article (Edited by Bluey)

(Bertram and Maas in earlier times, perfectly content to be at home and not doing anything)

Local Girlfriend Always Wants To Do Stuff
February 9, 2008 Issue 44•06

SALEM, OR—Local resident Steven Bertram is "fed up" with girlfriend Alicia Maas' incessant need to do stuff, a visibly frustrated Bertram reported Monday.

According to the 31-year-old maintenance technician, Maas, 29, regularly insists that the couple engage in an endless series of activities, things, and events, at various times of the day, despite the fact that Bertram would often prefer not to do such stuff.

"Just yesterday she was going on and on about how much she wanted to see a movie," said Bertram, noting that he had, after repeated requests, taken the demanding Maas to a local cineplex only two months prior. "How many movies does a person need to see in a year? Sometimes I just want to relax."

Though he and Maas have dated for almost two years, Bertram reportedly did not recognize the severity of his girlfriend's near-chronic dependence on getting out of the house and doing stuff until six months ago, when she insisted the two attend a free outdoor concert in their neighborhood. Since that time, Maas has asked an estimated 11 times to be taken to dinner, 17 times to go grocery shopping, and, on 20 separate occasions, has expressed a desire to go on a meandering walk without a fixed destination, purpose, or time limit.

The precise number of incidents, Bertram said, is difficult to determine, as Maas has oftentimes enlisted him in activities without first asking, including initiating seemingly pointless conversations lacking any definitive context or subject matter, as well as making plans with coworkers, family members, friends, old roommates, the people upstairs, and acquaintances Bertram does not know.

In addition, an alarming majority of the activities Maas suggests involve standing up.

"I don't know if I can live like this," Bertram said. "On Saturday I was excited to sit back and watch some TV, and then she reminds me that [Bertram's best friend] Jeremy [Durst] is having his birthday party, and so next thing you know, I've got to get up, throw some pants on, and hang out with people all night."

"For once I'd like to do what I want to do," Bertram continued. "She always wants to go somewhere or look at something."

Bertram said that for several weeks he attempted to deflect Maas' demands or otherwise dissuade her from pursuing activities outside their one-bedroom apartment through a series of complex excuses—including a feigned lower-back injury—but met with little success. Recently, he has tried to compromise by purchasing an XBox 360 and several multiplayer games for the two to use together, as well as upgrading the couple's Netflix account to allow five DVDs at a time.

Maas' obsession, however, has shown no signs of abating, and on Sunday she volunteered herself and Bertram to walk their neighbors' dog when they go on vacation next week.

"That's three more nights ruined," said Bertram as he toggled between the popular website eBaumsworld.com and a game of online poker. "I could literally be doing anything else, but instead, I'll be walking a dog. I don't need to always be doing stuff, and especially not stuff like that."

According to behavioral psychologist Dr. Michael Greer, though Maas' irrational compulsion for doing things is extreme, it is by no means uncommon.

"Alicia is exhibiting all the classic signs of what we call 'active behavior'—an impulse to engage in unnecessary and often prolonged outdoor movement that is most commonly found in females," Greer said. "Though we cannot be certain, these habits seem to stem from an innate desire to not be doing nothing."

Added Greer, "All available research indicates that this type of unstable behavior is most disturbing when it occurs early in the morning, after 10 p.m., on weekends and perfectly good vacation days, or before one has a chance to finish the third goddamned disc of the second season of Lost."

Despite repeated attempts, Maas could not be reached for comment, since she was out at the gym or having coffee with a friend or some shit.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The Precious Garbage

I have a problem. My fiancee, Tay, has another love greater than me.

It's called "The Precious Garbage".

Every Monday morning, the garbage needs to be taken to the curb, which is at the bottom of Tay's long driveway. Tay goes in to work a little later on Mondays, so it's up to me to cart the trash to the spot where it gets picked up.

You'd think that the process would be pretty cut and dry. As the son of a sanitation worker, who insisted that the garbage pails be put out the night before Wednesday and Saturdays' pickups for the first 18 years of my life, you'd think I have the experience necessary to get the job done.

Obviously, I forgot the part where you obsess over the trash.

You see, each Monday morning, regardless of the fact that she can sleep in, Tay bounces out of bed, sometimes as early as 6am, to get the precious garbage dressed and ready for the day. Many Mondays she gets up well before I do. No matter whether we have one bag or four, she religiously obsesses over the trash.

One Monday, I showered, dressed and thought to myself, "Wow, Tay's not up". I went to the top of the stairs of the basement, and thought about descending to get the bags and then in a fit of laziness, decided that I felt like taking amnesty from the chore for one day. Tay was still asleep, and I could just use the old standby, "I forgot". Until, of course, I opened the front door...

There were the bags sitting on the front porch! Curses!!!

When I returned that evening from work, I joked with Tay about it and called her the Trash Nazi. But even that term came woefully short in describing her depth of feelings for our refuse.
When I mention that we should be burning the paper trash in our burn barrel, she immediately went on the defensive and protected her baby saying that we lack a separate trash container for it.

Now when ever I refer to our refuse, I call it "The Precious Garbage".

People reading this blog are probably now thinking that I am embellishing the story, exagerating to make a more simple point or that Tay must think that I'm just too lazy to take out the trash.
And I might have been swayed into that mode of thinking until this Monday.

You see, Tay gently woke me up for work and reminded me about taking "The Precious Garbage" with me. Groggily, I showered, shaved and dressed and sure enough the bags were waiting for me on the porch, probably kissed goodbye by Tay before I even got my sendoff.

I dropped the bags at the bottom of the driveway and proceeded to drive the half hour or so to work. I pulled into the parking garage and noticed nobody parked there. Then it dawned on me. I set no alarm to wake me up because I had the day off! In her clamoring to see off "the precious garbage", Tay sent me to work on a holiday!

Feeling like a jackass and wanting to strangle her, I returned home.

"I told you I had the day off! Why did you wake me?"

"I forgot"

"But you didn't forget the precious garbage, did you?"

"Well, I guess not"

"It figures. You love the precious garbage more than you love me"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"You woke me up and sent me to work on a holiday just because of your obsession over the precious garbage and it probably doesn't even get picked up until tomorrow!"

"Sorry"

And that's all she wrote. I have a fiancee who is in love with the precious garbage while only really loving "the idea of me". What's a guy to do?

Gavo: Trib-Review "Trapped" Promotion

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know all about "Trapped", a movie co-written and directed by my buddy Gavo that is due out soon. Here is a Pittsburgh Tribune Review article promoting my buddy Gavo and his upcoming movies.

Sentimental Hogwash!

People who know me know I hate this bullshit "holiday".

It is a day where our women encourage corporate America to sodomize us men and somehow we're expected to be thankful for it and love it.

If you need some huge "show" to verify our love, maybe you're with the wrong man in the first place, baby!

Star Wars Animated Feature

Props to my buddy Spectre Zero, who is currently directing a new Star Wars animated full length feature and cartoon series.

He's been hard at work for a long time and I'm excited to finally see the fruits of his labor. Congrats!

This Is What Republicans Get If They Stay At Home on November 4th

With four to six Supreme Court justices at the age of 68 and greater, the next president may choose several replacements for the bench.

"Conservative" Republicans beware! Sit on your fat ass in November and the Democratic Party may just choose to clone Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the clones will sit on the bench and thwart Constitutional law for 30 years. Activism from the bench would become the norm. Make no mistake, a non vote is a vote for Hillary/Obama.

Also, I really don't want this blog to get too political but I found another interesting article today regarding the fine residents of Berkely, CA. It seems like they wish to kick US Marine recruiters out of their city. God Save these fools from themselves. Can't we just saw California and set it adrift in the Pacific? All the criminals fleeing justice and gold rush loons of yesteryear have really sprouted a state of whackjobs.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/02/07/berkeley.protests/index.html

Republicans Against McCain?

After a long discussion of politics this past Sunday during the SuperBowl, I've come to the following realization. The Democrats have put up, in my opinion two candidates that are too far to the left and the right wing radio nut Republicans claim that they will refuse to support a "liberal" John McCain for office, threatening to vote for Hillary instead. How crazy is that?

I hear Rush Limbaugh, Mike Savage, Sean Hannity and others crying about Romney trailing McCain. They blame backroom deals and the split vote with Huckabee, the process, waah, waah, waah. According to them, no existing Republican is "conservative" enough for them. I'm fucking sick of hearing it. Maybe, just maybe, these guys are so far right that it's time to pull their heads out of their collective asses and realize that the clear majority of Republicans won't support the type of right wing nutjob they'd like to see run for president.

I think that it is time for both parties to shave off their extremists and come together in the middle to solve the country's problems already. If you're against an idea solely because the other party is for it, you qualify as an extremist. Our nation has been ripped apart by crooked politicians fighting their partisan wars. We are their lambs that have been brainwashed to tow their party lines. Enough is enough. Part of me hopes McCain reaches across and makes Joe Lieberman his Vice President just to further piss off the right wing nuts.

They claim McCain is a liberal Republican. That is total nonsense. There are conservatives and moderates in the Republican party. There are no liberals in the Republican party. A candidate may disagree with the party line on a few issues, but does this make him/her a liberal? I don't believe that for one second. And I'm tired of playing the violin while right wing extremists complain like little bitches. Get over it. Election time will come and you'll vote for McCain and guess what, life will go on. And you'll have 4 more years of material to complain about.

It's really time for Republicans and Democrats to take back our political process by jettisoning the nuts on both sides. Let them form their own crazy splintered parties. We spend a ton of money on unpassable bills that need too much backroom dealing to get House and Senate approval. A bill is either good or bad on its' own merit. Politicians buy and sell their votes and agree to pet spending projects to push their bills. They should go to fucking jail for this. The two parties working constantly against each other costs the US a ton of money and we get nowhere. I would suggest that it will eventually tear this country apart irreparably.

I would remind my fellow conservatives that the US is a democracy, which pretty much means that majority rules. If you have a problem with that, you are living in the wrong country. If you're trying to force all of your ideas down America's throat and are surprised that you get pushback, you're just as looney as the left wing idealist who think that the world is a wonderful place filled with chocolate rivers, unicorns and rainbow skies.

I read a great article by Roland Martin addressing this conservative problem today. Give it a read. It makes total sense to me.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/06/roland.martin/index.html

Tax Rebates?

I'm really getting sick of the bipartisan offer of "tax rebates" to stimulate the economy. First of all, with the Fed printing money like mad and lowering discount rates to bail out banks, is it wise to start handing out free cash? Of course, Republicans will point out that it is not free cash, it's a tax rebate. Well, it may have been, until the Democrats got involved.

Now, the Democrats want to include retirees, unemployed veterans and the poor. Last I checked, none of these groups pay taxes in the first place. How the fuck exactly is that a rebate?

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the old and the poor. It's just that, by targeting these groups, we are simply handing out free money. That, plus the fact that the old will probably save and not spend the cash, and the poor will probably spend the money on food, illegal drugs and alcohol. Hardly a stimulus to the economy.

I like Mike Huckabee's idea to use the money to build infrastructure such as roads, bridges and tunnels. Sure, it will not be a quick stimulus, but it would be money better spent and maybe we can actually get some of these roads under construction finished instead of using the existing dollars to keep a finite amount of highway workers employed forever fixing each road at such a painstaking rate. This idea would open up tons of new jobs for the unemployed poor.

I'm sick of the government trying to bail everyone out, from stupid rich banks holding huge positions of subprime debt, idiotic greedy homebuilders who built way too many overpriced homes regardless of future slowing demand, the retarded middle class buying 300K+ homes that they couldn't afford and others in society that make little to no effort to pull themselves up out of poverty.

God forbid you are a responsible citizen who has exerted fiscal responsibility in your life. You get taxed to death and are forced to carry the burden of the rest of the country's retards.

Of course the whole thing has become politicized for election gains. That makes the idea of tax rebates right now even a worse idea. They are simply a feelgood gesture and will not prevent a recession, even if done correctly.

One Is The Loneliest Number!

One aging defense.

Abandonment of any running game in Week 1.

First Class jackass for a coach.

Eighteen wins made insignificant by one loss.


The New England Patriots pulled off, I believe, the biggest choke job in the NFL history because they underestimated their opponent. They saw their eighteen wins as a testament to their own greatness and believed that they were untouchable.

Then the NY Giants front four treated Tom Brady like a rag doll. They are the true MVPs of this game. Granted, the Giants offense did just about everything to keep from scoring and blew more than a few opportunities to turn up the heat on the Patriots, but the defense held its' ground. To the Giants offense some credit for holding the ball must be given, but the true stars were on defense. Except for the play of the game which belonged solely to Eli and David Tyree. Both made once in a lifetime plays on the same snap of the ball!

Belichick was his usual smug self and didn't even watch the Patriots play offense. The Pats defense was huffing and puffing on the Giants first offensive series. That was a pretty key indication that they were not up to the task at hand. I think Belichick realized this and spent a lot of time in defense damage control instead of taking the reins of the offense. Tom Brady's mind seemed to be in bed with Gisele through much of the game. He made some lame passes and could not move at all. He showed no willingness to adapt or adjust to the Giants defense. Either his ankle was alot worse than reported or he just didn't give a shit. He seemed pretty pissed that he couldn't just phone his performance in.

Anyway, congrats to the G-Men, for one hell of a game! Good thing they chose to wait another year to run Eli and Coughlin out of town! Strahan has to be happy he decided against the retirement nonsense and I can't even begin to feel how much of a loser that Tiki Barber feels like. Maybe he learned a lesson. Like when to shut his big fat trap and just play the damn game.

Leave the bullshit talk to Bluey.

Hooray for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The NFL's best team ever!

Durango Tail-Light: Before Petey And After!

The tail-light on the left was what my new Durango's unit used to look like. That was before I made the mistake of parking too close to Petey #1 (Tay) in our parking area. The light on the right is the after picture, not to mention a dented bumper.

You see, apparently some people back up vehicles in the morning without checking any rearview mirrors, even though they had to walk around said vehicle to get to theirs.

Some people have too many things on their mind to give a cursory look back before running over the family pet, schoolchildren or, in this case, my vehicle.

"There's not usually anything there. I can't be responsible with having to look back".

Thank God we don't live in a school zone.

He's Got The Whole World In His Hands!

Pitching in Shea stadium, a notorious pitcher's park, with the Mets offense supporting him, how many games can Johan Santana win?

The New York Mets, not only got the best pitcher in the majors but gave up almost nothing to get him.

Kudos to Mets GM, Omar Minaya, who may have singlehandedly brought multiple world championships to the Mets with this deal. Now it's up to David Wright, Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran et al. to develop their killer instinct and start trouncing people. Last year they played like they were happy to win by one run every game.

The Mets should win the east by 15 games and lap the rest of the NL as well. Anything short of a championship will be a disappointment.

Five Peteys On Board

Finally!!!

The license plate celebrating my sweet and precious yet annoying cargo has arrived.

Girls, girls, girls...fifteen bags for a two day trip...

Girls, girls, girls...9 lip gloss and ten lip sticks...

What's the chances that I can get the five peteys to wash the car???

Bluey Obituary: Heath Ledger

I actually liked Heath Ledger as an actor and also posthumously forgive him for his Brokeback Mountain role as a gay cowboy. How big of me...huh?

It's always a shame when someone so young dies. I don't really care to speculate on whether it was a drug overdose, suicide or Mary Kate Olsen that killed Mr. Ledger. I'll leave those wild accusations and charges to Nancy Grace.

But, as uninterested in the Batman movies as I have been, the pictures of Ledger as the Joker, is really sucking me in. The movie execs are talking about reducing Heath's exposure in future ads promoting the movie. This is a pansy-assed mistake.

If it was me who was dead, I'd want the show to go on. This will be one of Heath's last two chances to carve out his place among his peers. So, build up the movie by any means necessary. I'm sure Heath would have as many people see this movie as possible.

I really liked him in "The Patriot", the modern Shakespearean adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew, "10 Things I Hate About You" and also have a soft spot in my heart for "A Knight's Tale".

It sounds like he went gently into that good night. What more can you ask of death?

Moron TV

Nancy Grace may be the nastiest witch I've ever seen on television. I know this post is going to offend some people I know but so be it.

If you watch this cunt spew hatred on a nightly basis...you are a moron.

As if the news isn't sensationalist enough, we get to watch Nancy sit in her throne and speculate the worst possible scenarios for each news story. Like, somehow, placing extra blame is going to make everything okay.

The news is horrible enough. The justice system is unperfect. I get it. I don't need to get all riled up by some satanic yenta who obviously has an axe to grind with the world. Hey Nanc, how about popping a bottle of Midol and calling it a day?

I guess it's a good thing that she's venting her spleen on TV and not actually forming lynch mobs.

Bienvenidos Al Mejico!

Apparently, there are a handful of American landowners on the US-Mexico border that are balking about letting American surveyors on their property to begin work for the border fence. They have taken to suing the government.

I could really care less whether we build a fence or not, since Mexicans will find a way here regardless of any physical barrier, but I'm aware of eminent domain, in which people lose their property to even more nonsensical things every day.

But the story made me chuckle because I thought of the perfect American solution to that problem. Build the fence between their property and the United States and renounce their citizenship. Crisis solved.

Congratulations, now you are a Mexican!

Yoko Romo

The funniest thing I heard last week before the Dallas Cowboys' demise, centered around the Jessica Simpson jinx. One reporter refered to her as Yoko Romo.

Now, I'm not a superstitious man, but apparently Tony Romo left her at home and they still lost to the NY Giants this past weekend 21-17.

If I were Tony Romo, I would have defended her in the following Lennon-esque fashion.

"All I am saying...is give my "piece" a chance!"

Malkin + Pens 4, NY Rangers 1.

Bebis and I attended the Pens-Ranger game tonight for her birthday. As usual, she brought the Pens luck and they whipped my precious Blueshirts.

Evgeny Malkin was a one man wrecking ball, popping in an empty netter at the end for the hat trick. He's turning out to be quite the Ranger killer.

Bebis also caught a T-shirt from the Pens cheerleaders, making a spectacular reaching grab whilst among a legion of thirty something males. I told Bebis that is the last time I take her to a Ranger game. They are 1-3 with her in attendance.

Bluey Is Officially A Media Whore

Today, I did my first stint on the radio, appearing on Bloomberg Radio speaking about Biotech and Pharma stocks and their prospects for 2008 with Charlie Stein.

There's No Crying in Election Campaigns

Last night, Tay and I were laying in bed watching TV and a story came on about Hillary winning the NH primary.

"She was crying the other day about losing in Iowa", Stacey exclaimed.

"I'm sure that the crying fit was a calculated move by her spin squad", I cynically replied.

"No. I saw it. She was actually crying! Who the hell wants a president who is going to flake out and start crying the moment things seem to be going against them?"

"Apparently the women of New Hampshire do"

"That is bullshit. I don't want some crybaby as my president", Tay replied.

It made me think. I never really thought much about Hillary's despair after Iowa. Maybe because having five peteys of my own, I'm used to women getting emotional and think nothing of it.

But, what does it really mean, if anything? Does it imply an inherent weakness that is inconsistent with the qualifications of a presidential candidate? The more I think about it, the more I am in agreement with Tay's statement.

But I guess I don't take it too serious, because I feel that Hillary is absolutely unelectable. Too many people despise her. She'd have to get overwhelming support by women nationwide to even have a prayer and conservative women can't stand her.

But should her teary eyed despair disqualify her from consideration in voters eyes? Any thoughts?

Grindhouse: Planet Terror

Happy New Year to All! Welcome back to the fourth calender year of Bluey's World.

I saw Planet Terror last night. It was supposedly the better half of the Grindhouse double feature. If that's the better half, i'd suggest you just skip 'em both. I thought that these movies were supposed to be fun to watch? I found it to be quite painful and actually preferred a very poor Beowulf movie (with a smoking hot cartoon Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mom) over it. The dialogue was poor, as was the story and the characters reactions to what was going on around them. None of the characters are developed and it's hard to care about what happens to any of them. The best part of these movies are supposed to be the crazy characters and dialogue to go with the sex and violence. This movie offers neither, and is pretty sparse with any real sex and believable violence as well.

And even Rose MCGowan doesn't get her leg gun (as shown on the previews and posters until minute 90 (of 96). What an absolute ripoff. A dearth of hot chicks and cartoonish violence where every gunshot spurts out a gallon of pink Nickolodeon-like slime?

What a joke. On the other hand, the Beowulf movie was at least watchable due mainly to Grendel's mom's cartoon milkers.

Things I Never Thought I'd Ever Do

Being a New York City native, there are some things that I thought I'd never do or be able to do. Such as herding longhorn cattle on a quad.

My newest exploit is designing and building a chicken coop for my daughter, Kitty's chicken, who we call Churkey.

It's about 75% finished and I hope to complete it this week. I'll post a picture of my completed work soon. I'm hoping to win a blue ribbon in Modern Chicken Coop Design at the Washington County fair in 2008.

Tay tells me that there is no such thing. That's a real killjoy since I never won a blue ribbon in my life. I want one bad!

Is Democracy Even Achievable in Pakistan?

On the heels of the Bhutto murder, one has to wonder if democracy is possible or even something that should be pushed by the international community. With literacy at about a paltry 25% in the country and mullah run schools providing the majority of education, one wonders if a benevolent dictatorship such as the one Musharraf has employed, isn't the best choice.

With radical Islam running rampant in a nuclear country, a democracy could possibly put these weapons in the hands of an extremist. Pakistan really needs to step up and take back control of the education of it's young. While under any other circumstance, I would be against this idea, it is evident that the mullahs are raising a population of extremist nuts.

If it does prove out that Islamic fanatics like Al Qaeda are responsible for Bhutto's death, the US and the rest of the world would do well to support Pakistan's President Musharraf and call for the proper education of the future generation of Pakistan. As a nuclear nation, the world has to hold Pakistan responsible to who holds power in that country. A 25% literacy rate is abysmal in a country with the potential for such destruction. It's about time the world makes an effort to educate the masses.

Or the mullahs will continue to generate new generations of suicide bombers and nuts. For the time being, I wouldn't mind seeing the UN and Pakistan cleaning out the tribal areas of Pakistan as a start.

Trapped: Trailer

My buddies Gavo and Hamdog have released a few trailers for their upcoming movie, which will come out in spring/summer.

Here is a peek. Enjoy, and I encourage you to see it when it is released. I'll update when I have a date.

A Voice Of Reason During "Sparkle" Season!

I have been so fed up with the politically correct assholes taking Christ out of Christmas because they consider it offensive. These are the same retards that invented Pittsburgh's "Sparkle" season that tried to exploit the holiday for potential business opportunity, without giving any acknowledgement of Christianity whatsoever. I usually say "fuck them" to those offended by Christmas. I realize that isn't exactly a Christ-like way to feel about it but I could give a crap. Why does everyone put Judaism and Islam on a pedestal while Christianity seems to be the red headed step child? Well, I know the answer to that question, but that is for another day.

Why is our most sacred holiday whored out for the masses? Can't we make a gift whoring holiday out of Rosh Hashanah or Ramadan instead? No, God forbid we bastardize a Jewish or Islamic holiday.

I think Christians should finally put the silliness surrounding the holiday to rest. I read an article today that puts forth a nice idea for the holiday going forward. Please enjoy.

Let's stick it to the masses and as Christians "keep it real". Peace.

Calvin's Snowmen

Poppinfresh recently forwarded me this link to a panel of classic Calvin and Hobbes "Snowman" cartoon panels. Please enjoy with a nice cup of hot chocolate!

Gore To US and China:

"Solve Global Warming Or Else...

This quote was taken from a news story from last week. It cracked me up. Al Gore threatens the US and China! You just can't beat the cajones on Mr. "I won a Nobel peace prize on the backs of other people's research" Gore. What a jackass!

...I'll Take Away The Internet I Created!" (okay I made up the last part, but I'm still kinda wondering what the US and China's punishment will be if they fail to act on global warming)

If I Stick A Needle In My Ass...

So, I guess Roger Clemens was washed up in the late 90's after all. Then, he decided to start getting shot up with HGH and steroids to keep the 17M/year payroll gravy train rolling.

Not exactly a surprise to me. Clemens' career was in the toilet when he left the Bosox. It certainly explains his rebirth with the Jays/Astros and Yanks.

How about the Houston Astros, who have to be sick that they just parted with 5 prospects for Miguel Tejada about 2 days before he was outed as well.

People are already talking about how this affects the HOF voting. I think that all these guys should be kept out by the sportwriters and leave it up to their peers, the veteran's committee, to make these selections. Something tells me, that would be devastating to all these guys.

Sportswriters are such fucking saps. I could guarantee that after making a one year statement by leaving them off the ballot, they all will get into the HOF. But in this case, why not leave it up to the players?

Bluey's Hail Mary (9-5) Misses Playoffs!

The DyNasty helmet says it all. After the Hail Mary dispatched DyNasty 100-93 in Week 14, it played the waiting game to find out if the team was playoff bound.

The Warriors and Birdmen (both 10-4) won their final matchups to bounce the Marys. Brio was an 8yd reception by Marques Colston short of beating the Birdmen and sending the Hail Mary to the playoffs. Colston dropped two such passes in the last 3 minutes to seal our fate.

So, a 9-5 season and no playoffs. Unbelievable. I'm bitter.

Bluey's Hail Mary 151, ProDonor 111

AP-Highmark Field:

The Hail Mary (8-5, 3rd place -North) continued to make the case for their playoff push by defeating ProDonor (7-6, 2nd place -South). With only one game to go in the regular season, the Hail Mary trails both the Warriors (9-4) and the Birdmen (9-4) by one game.

The Hail Mary close the regular season against DyNasty (5-8). The Warriors play proDonor while the Birdmen visit Brio (9-4, 1st place -South). The Hail Mary holds the tiebreaker versus the Birdmen and would have to outscore the Warriors by 5 points to acheive the tiebreaker advantage.