Bluey Obituary: Thank You Jesus!

...for finally taking Myron Cope! Possibly one of the most annoying and grating personalities in sports broadcasting history. He brought football broadcasting to an all time moronic low with all his "zany" myronisms like "Yoi", "Double Yoi" and the coup the grace, the "triple dog Yoi".

Ok, I made that last one up but c'mon. I know my Pittsburgh bretheren loved him but his voice gave me migraines and he added virtually nothing to a broadcast except for some local Pittsburgh flavor. When he lost his voice several years ago, I was happy because it meant that I no longer had to wish him dead.

Now Jesus has an "Immaculate Irritation" to deal with. Hopefully, Myron goes easy on the "dahntawn" schtick in heaven. He'll definitely test the "patience of a saint" theory!


And Then There Were Three...

Yesterday, at the NHL trade deadline, the Pittsburgh Penguins sent Erik Christensen, Colby Armstrong, prospect Angelo Esposito and a 1st round draft pick to Atlanta for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis. While this trade apparently gives the Pens probably the best offense in the East, maybe save Ottawa, I think that the addition of Gill to the blueline corps is the better addition.

You see, I believe that the Penguins major weaknesses for a cup run was the lack of a rugged, clear the net, type of blueliner and a playoff tested goaltender. Gill, I think fills the bill for the defense, but the Penguins chose, instead, to address a non-need with Hossa, giving up way too much for a three month rental player. If they sign Hossa to a deal after this season, then this trade was a no-brainer. But, the Pens don't exactly have trouble scoring goals, do they? While a Hossa addition sounds nice and dandy, the simple fact of the matter is that he has been atrocious when it counts...the playoffs.

Do Penguins fans whole-heartedly believe in Ty Conklin and MA Fleury to carry home a Stanley Cup? I think the team would have been better served to acknowledge Conklin's awesome run for what it is...a fluke. If the Pens don't plug Fleury in as soon as possible, they are fools. But even Marc-Andre is no guarantee of playoff success as we saw last year.

I think that the Pens dropped the ball on their #1 need...goaltending.

But the title of this article refers to the other more troubling factor to me. I've been watching the Pens all year and found a major flaw in their team. They are all left handed shots except for Kennedy, Letang and Laraque. Armstrong was a right handed shot, but now he's gone. Which, isn't that much of a loss, except for the fact that he was Sidney Crosby's best friend. But back to my point. If you've watched the Pens this year, they pass up tons of opportunities to feed left handed shots. I've never seen a team so unbalanced to the left side. I think it's going to cost them in the playoffs as teams will eventually get wise and trap them to the off side.

Apparently, Ray Shero isn't concerned with this as he picked up three more left shots in Gill, Hossa and Dupuis. Maybe, I'm stupid to focus on this but it does really affect the team as I watch their offensive plays develop. And it won't take a rocket scientist on opposing teams to see these tendencies as well.

The Pens are built for a Cup run. I truly hope they get to the Finals (of course, assuming my beloved Rangers have been knocked out) because I have season tickets and I've never been to a Cup final before. But I see the flaws that may come back to bite the Pens in the ass come round 1 of the playoffs again.

Ty Conklin is not the answer and the absence of right handed shooters are going to hurt them against playoff caliber teams, especially on the powerplay.



On our daily lunch jaunts, Poppinfresh, Erie, Francois and myself run into alot of annoying people, namely yentas, but we have now run across the most annoying group of all.


They are mainly white-collar middle aged males who love to sit around and brag and talk obnoxiously loud about their BMWs, their all important jobs, their boats or vacation houses, etc...etc... Each one trying to one up the other and at even louder levels. I didn't think anyone could be that much of an outward self important jackass if they tried. Apparently when you get a group of mentas together, they have not a care as to how they come across to the rest of the world, such as the yenta.

While Yentas love to talk about others and criticize their ways, Mentas mainly talk about how great they are and their possessions.

Christ, what I wouldn't do for a good flamethrower on some days...

Could we really be this shallow as a nation?


An Onion Article (Edited by Bluey)

(Bertram and Maas in earlier times, perfectly content to be at home and not doing anything)

Local Girlfriend Always Wants To Do Stuff
February 9, 2008 Issue 44•06

SALEM, OR—Local resident Steven Bertram is "fed up" with girlfriend Alicia Maas' incessant need to do stuff, a visibly frustrated Bertram reported Monday.

According to the 31-year-old maintenance technician, Maas, 29, regularly insists that the couple engage in an endless series of activities, things, and events, at various times of the day, despite the fact that Bertram would often prefer not to do such stuff.

"Just yesterday she was going on and on about how much she wanted to see a movie," said Bertram, noting that he had, after repeated requests, taken the demanding Maas to a local cineplex only two months prior. "How many movies does a person need to see in a year? Sometimes I just want to relax."

Though he and Maas have dated for almost two years, Bertram reportedly did not recognize the severity of his girlfriend's near-chronic dependence on getting out of the house and doing stuff until six months ago, when she insisted the two attend a free outdoor concert in their neighborhood. Since that time, Maas has asked an estimated 11 times to be taken to dinner, 17 times to go grocery shopping, and, on 20 separate occasions, has expressed a desire to go on a meandering walk without a fixed destination, purpose, or time limit.

The precise number of incidents, Bertram said, is difficult to determine, as Maas has oftentimes enlisted him in activities without first asking, including initiating seemingly pointless conversations lacking any definitive context or subject matter, as well as making plans with coworkers, family members, friends, old roommates, the people upstairs, and acquaintances Bertram does not know.

In addition, an alarming majority of the activities Maas suggests involve standing up.

"I don't know if I can live like this," Bertram said. "On Saturday I was excited to sit back and watch some TV, and then she reminds me that [Bertram's best friend] Jeremy [Durst] is having his birthday party, and so next thing you know, I've got to get up, throw some pants on, and hang out with people all night."

"For once I'd like to do what I want to do," Bertram continued. "She always wants to go somewhere or look at something."

Bertram said that for several weeks he attempted to deflect Maas' demands or otherwise dissuade her from pursuing activities outside their one-bedroom apartment through a series of complex excuses—including a feigned lower-back injury—but met with little success. Recently, he has tried to compromise by purchasing an XBox 360 and several multiplayer games for the two to use together, as well as upgrading the couple's Netflix account to allow five DVDs at a time.

Maas' obsession, however, has shown no signs of abating, and on Sunday she volunteered herself and Bertram to walk their neighbors' dog when they go on vacation next week.

"That's three more nights ruined," said Bertram as he toggled between the popular website eBaumsworld.com and a game of online poker. "I could literally be doing anything else, but instead, I'll be walking a dog. I don't need to always be doing stuff, and especially not stuff like that."

According to behavioral psychologist Dr. Michael Greer, though Maas' irrational compulsion for doing things is extreme, it is by no means uncommon.

"Alicia is exhibiting all the classic signs of what we call 'active behavior'—an impulse to engage in unnecessary and often prolonged outdoor movement that is most commonly found in females," Greer said. "Though we cannot be certain, these habits seem to stem from an innate desire to not be doing nothing."

Added Greer, "All available research indicates that this type of unstable behavior is most disturbing when it occurs early in the morning, after 10 p.m., on weekends and perfectly good vacation days, or before one has a chance to finish the third goddamned disc of the second season of Lost."

Despite repeated attempts, Maas could not be reached for comment, since she was out at the gym or having coffee with a friend or some shit.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.


The Precious Garbage

I have a problem. My fiancee, Tay, has another love greater than me.

It's called "The Precious Garbage".

Every Monday morning, the garbage needs to be taken to the curb, which is at the bottom of Tay's long driveway. Tay goes in to work a little later on Mondays, so it's up to me to cart the trash to the spot where it gets picked up.

You'd think that the process would be pretty cut and dry. As the son of a sanitation worker, who insisted that the garbage pails be put out the night before Wednesday and Saturdays' pickups for the first 18 years of my life, you'd think I have the experience necessary to get the job done.

Obviously, I forgot the part where you obsess over the trash.

You see, each Monday morning, regardless of the fact that she can sleep in, Tay bounces out of bed, sometimes as early as 6am, to get the precious garbage dressed and ready for the day. Many Mondays she gets up well before I do. No matter whether we have one bag or four, she religiously obsesses over the trash.

One Monday, I showered, dressed and thought to myself, "Wow, Tay's not up". I went to the top of the stairs of the basement, and thought about descending to get the bags and then in a fit of laziness, decided that I felt like taking amnesty from the chore for one day. Tay was still asleep, and I could just use the old standby, "I forgot". Until, of course, I opened the front door...

There were the bags sitting on the front porch! Curses!!!

When I returned that evening from work, I joked with Tay about it and called her the Trash Nazi. But even that term came woefully short in describing her depth of feelings for our refuse.
When I mention that we should be burning the paper trash in our burn barrel, she immediately went on the defensive and protected her baby saying that we lack a separate trash container for it.

Now when ever I refer to our refuse, I call it "The Precious Garbage".

People reading this blog are probably now thinking that I am embellishing the story, exagerating to make a more simple point or that Tay must think that I'm just too lazy to take out the trash.
And I might have been swayed into that mode of thinking until this Monday.

You see, Tay gently woke me up for work and reminded me about taking "The Precious Garbage" with me. Groggily, I showered, shaved and dressed and sure enough the bags were waiting for me on the porch, probably kissed goodbye by Tay before I even got my sendoff.

I dropped the bags at the bottom of the driveway and proceeded to drive the half hour or so to work. I pulled into the parking garage and noticed nobody parked there. Then it dawned on me. I set no alarm to wake me up because I had the day off! In her clamoring to see off "the precious garbage", Tay sent me to work on a holiday!

Feeling like a jackass and wanting to strangle her, I returned home.

"I told you I had the day off! Why did you wake me?"

"I forgot"

"But you didn't forget the precious garbage, did you?"

"Well, I guess not"

"It figures. You love the precious garbage more than you love me"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"You woke me up and sent me to work on a holiday just because of your obsession over the precious garbage and it probably doesn't even get picked up until tomorrow!"


And that's all she wrote. I have a fiancee who is in love with the precious garbage while only really loving "the idea of me". What's a guy to do?


Gavo: Trib-Review "Trapped" Promotion

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know all about "Trapped", a movie co-written and directed by my buddy Gavo that is due out soon. Here is a Pittsburgh Tribune Review article promoting my buddy Gavo and his upcoming movies.


Sentimental Hogwash!

People who know me know I hate this bullshit "holiday".

It is a day where our women encourage corporate America to sodomize us men and somehow we're expected to be thankful for it and love it.

If you need some huge "show" to verify our love, maybe you're with the wrong man in the first place, baby!


Star Wars Animated Feature

Props to my buddy Spectre Zero, who is currently directing a new Star Wars animated full length feature and cartoon series.

He's been hard at work for a long time and I'm excited to finally see the fruits of his labor. Congrats!


This Is What Republicans Get If They Stay At Home on November 4th

With four to six Supreme Court justices at the age of 68 and greater, the next president may choose several replacements for the bench.

"Conservative" Republicans beware! Sit on your fat ass in November and the Democratic Party may just choose to clone Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the clones will sit on the bench and thwart Constitutional law for 30 years. Activism from the bench would become the norm. Make no mistake, a non vote is a vote for Hillary/Obama.

Also, I really don't want this blog to get too political but I found another interesting article today regarding the fine residents of Berkely, CA. It seems like they wish to kick US Marine recruiters out of their city. God Save these fools from themselves. Can't we just saw California and set it adrift in the Pacific? All the criminals fleeing justice and gold rush loons of yesteryear have really sprouted a state of whackjobs.



Republicans Against McCain?

After a long discussion of politics this past Sunday during the SuperBowl, I've come to the following realization. The Democrats have put up, in my opinion two candidates that are too far to the left and the right wing radio nut Republicans claim that they will refuse to support a "liberal" John McCain for office, threatening to vote for Hillary instead. How crazy is that?

I hear Rush Limbaugh, Mike Savage, Sean Hannity and others crying about Romney trailing McCain. They blame backroom deals and the split vote with Huckabee, the process, waah, waah, waah. According to them, no existing Republican is "conservative" enough for them. I'm fucking sick of hearing it. Maybe, just maybe, these guys are so far right that it's time to pull their heads out of their collective asses and realize that the clear majority of Republicans won't support the type of right wing nutjob they'd like to see run for president.

I think that it is time for both parties to shave off their extremists and come together in the middle to solve the country's problems already. If you're against an idea solely because the other party is for it, you qualify as an extremist. Our nation has been ripped apart by crooked politicians fighting their partisan wars. We are their lambs that have been brainwashed to tow their party lines. Enough is enough. Part of me hopes McCain reaches across and makes Joe Lieberman his Vice President just to further piss off the right wing nuts.

They claim McCain is a liberal Republican. That is total nonsense. There are conservatives and moderates in the Republican party. There are no liberals in the Republican party. A candidate may disagree with the party line on a few issues, but does this make him/her a liberal? I don't believe that for one second. And I'm tired of playing the violin while right wing extremists complain like little bitches. Get over it. Election time will come and you'll vote for McCain and guess what, life will go on. And you'll have 4 more years of material to complain about.

It's really time for Republicans and Democrats to take back our political process by jettisoning the nuts on both sides. Let them form their own crazy splintered parties. We spend a ton of money on unpassable bills that need too much backroom dealing to get House and Senate approval. A bill is either good or bad on its' own merit. Politicians buy and sell their votes and agree to pet spending projects to push their bills. They should go to fucking jail for this. The two parties working constantly against each other costs the US a ton of money and we get nowhere. I would suggest that it will eventually tear this country apart irreparably.

I would remind my fellow conservatives that the US is a democracy, which pretty much means that majority rules. If you have a problem with that, you are living in the wrong country. If you're trying to force all of your ideas down America's throat and are surprised that you get pushback, you're just as looney as the left wing idealist who think that the world is a wonderful place filled with chocolate rivers, unicorns and rainbow skies.

I read a great article by Roland Martin addressing this conservative problem today. Give it a read. It makes total sense to me.



Tax Rebates?

I'm really getting sick of the bipartisan offer of "tax rebates" to stimulate the economy. First of all, with the Fed printing money like mad and lowering discount rates to bail out banks, is it wise to start handing out free cash? Of course, Republicans will point out that it is not free cash, it's a tax rebate. Well, it may have been, until the Democrats got involved.
Now, the Democrats want to include retirees, unemployed veterans and the poor. Last I checked, none of these groups pay taxes in the first place. How the fuck exactly is that a rebate?
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the old and the poor. It's just that, by targeting these groups, we are simply handing out free money. That, plus the fact that the old will probably save and not spend the cash, and the poor will probably spend the money on food, illegal drugs and alcohol. Hardly a stimulus to the economy.
I like Mike Huckabee's idea to use the money to build infrastructure such as roads, bridges and tunnels. Sure, it will not be a quick stimulus, but it would be money better spent and maybe we can actually get some of these roads under construction finished instead of using the existing dollars to keep a finite amount of highway workers employed forever fixing each road at such a painstaking rate. This idea would open up tons of new jobs for the unemployed poor.
I'm sick of the government trying to bail everyone out, from stupid rich banks holding huge positions of subprime debt, idiotic greedy homebuilders who built way too many overpriced homes regardless of future slowing demand, the retarded middle class buying 300K+ homes that they couldn't afford and others in society that make little to no effort to pull themselves up out of poverty.
God forbid you are a responsible citizen who has exerted fiscal responsibility in your life. You get taxed to death and are forced to carry the burden of the rest of the country's retards.
Of course the whole thing has become politicized for election gains. That makes the idea of tax rebates right now even a worse idea. They are simply a feelgood gesture and will not prevent a recession, even if done correctly.


One Is The Loneliest Number!

One aging defense.

Abandonment of any running game in Week 1.

First Class jackass for a coach.

Eighteen wins made insignificant by one loss.

The New England Patriots pulled off, I believe, the biggest choke job in the NFL history because they underestimated their opponent. They saw their eighteen wins as a testament to their own greatness and believed that they were untouchable.

Then the NY Giants front four treated Tom Brady like a rag doll. They are the true MVPs of this game. Granted, the Giants offense did just about everything to keep from scoring and blew more than a few opportunities to turn up the heat on the Patriots, but the defense held its' ground. To the Giants offense some credit for holding the ball must be given, but the true stars were on defense. Except for the play of the game which belonged solely to Eli and David Tyree. Both made once in a lifetime plays on the same snap of the ball!

Belichick was his usual smug self and didn't even watch the Patriots play offense. The Pats defense was huffing and puffing on the Giants first offensive series. That was a pretty key indication that they were not up to the task at hand. I think Belichick realized this and spent a lot of time in defense damage control instead of taking the reins of the offense. Tom Brady's mind seemed to be in bed with Gisele through much of the game. He made some lame passes and could not move at all. He showed no willingness to adapt or adjust to the Giants defense. Either his ankle was alot worse than reported or he just didn't give a shit. He seemed pretty pissed that he couldn't just phone his performance in.

Anyway, congrats to the G-Men, for one hell of a game! Good thing they chose to wait another year to run Eli and Coughlin out of town! Strahan has to be happy he decided against the retirement nonsense and I can't even begin to feel how much of a loser that Tiki Barber feels like. Maybe he learned a lesson. Like when to shut his big fat trap and just play the damn game.

Leave the bullshit talk to Bluey.

Hooray for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The NFL's best team ever!

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