Bluey's Hail Mary 180, JusticeLeagueNow 115

AP: Skeevemont, PA:

The Hail Mary sent the Justice League home crying in their soiled underoos as Bluey's squad pounded said superheroes by 65 points. QB Captain America was repeatedly bitchslapped while Batman and Robin were sodomizing each other and Aquaman on the sidelines.

Their was a brief controversy as the Bluey offense poked Superman in the eye, which kept him from preventing the Hail Mary from stealing the Justice League's defensive signals. Hail Mary backup QB Jay Cutler somehow also managed to get Wonder Woman pregnant from his own sideline while the Green Lantern shit his pants in the 1st quarter and never returned to action.

All in all, a successful day as the Marys beat the sissy marys. The Hail Mary go to 2-1 on the season and next face the WashPA Warriors.

"Oh, warriors!!!!.....come out and play!"

On The Set of "Trapped"

Just wanted to give some props to my buddies Gavo and Hamdog, who continue to work filming their first feature length movie this fall, "Trapped", starring Corbin Bernsen, Tom Atkins and in a small cameo appearance...Bluey!

I was just overjoyed to be able to help and witness parts of the process. The script was written by Gavo, Hamdog, Gav's buddy Ron and Gavo's wife and is, from what I understand, a psychological thriller with plenty of plot twists. The Tribune Review wrote a story recently about the film and it's principals. If you are interested in following the progress of the film making, please see Gavo's OccaBocca blog. There is a link on my blogs' front page.

Guys, all of my best wishes with this film. I can't wait to see the finished product.

Oh, and I guess I should start to figure out the seven degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon to Bluey for cocktail parties, and start assembling a posse of my peeps.

Epilogue: Just in case anyone is interested. Here is the 7 degrees of separation from Bluey to Kevin Bacon.

Bluey "Trapped"
Tom Atkins "Trapped", "Lethal Weapon"
Danny Glover "Lethal Weapon", "Saw"
Cary Elwes "Saw","The Princess Bride"
Robin Wright Penn "The Princess Bride", "Forrest Gump"
Tom Hanks "Forrest Gump", "Apollo 13"
Kevin Bacon "Apollo 13"

also acceptable:

Bluey "Trapped"
Corbin Bernsen "Trapped", "Major League"
Wesley Snipes "Major League", "Rising Sun"
Sean Connery "Rising Sun", "Indiana Jones/Last Crusade"
Harrison Ford "Indiana Jones/Last Crusade", "Apocalypse Now"
Laurence Fishburne "Apocolypse Now", "Mystic River"
Kevin Bacon "Mystic River"

I guess they are right, Kevin Bacon is the center of the universe!

Framed!

Anybody who has kids, understands how important it is as a parent to have some decent detective skills. It always seems that when something gets broken or goes wrong in the house, somehow nobody did it or is responsible.

Unfortunately, my kids don't have a prayer in that department because I was born with crazy good analytical skills. From looking around and talking to them, I can usually figure out the truth and bust them pretty quickly.

This past weekend, Tay and our four daughters, Aussie, Loni, Bebis and Kitty, were enjoying a nice weekend together when Loni came down the stairs crying. I ask her what is wrong and she tells me that she knocked a cup of diet 7-up on the computer keyboard. Immediately, I get annoyed because the biggest rule I have for the computer room is NO FOOD OR DRINK. There is no exceptions. I don't even break that rule...ever.

I ask Loni why there was a drink up there in the first place.

"It wasn't mine daddy, I swear. I'm so sorry for knocking the drink on the keyboard!"

She breaks down in tears and it breaks my heart. I'm fairly confident that even though Loni knocked the drink over, it really wasn't her fault and she was besides herself with grief.

I dismiss Loni, ask her to bring down the keyboard, and start cleaning it by removing all the keys. The whole time I'm talking to Tay about the whole situation to get any ideas she has about who the culprit is.

So, then I call my youngest, Kitty, downstairs and ask her if she brought a drink into the computer room.

"It wasn't me daddy, I would never bring a drink into the computer room".

And you know what, I believed her. She's about as much of a rules nut as I am and I doubt very much that it would have been her. Plus, she's more of an orange-strawberry-banana juice girl. I've rarely seen her drink 7-up, when given a choice.

Which brought me to Bebis and Aussie, who seemed to be doing their very best to avoid me. Bebis can be a little bit of a rebel at times and reminds me so much of myself at that age. She's got a little bit of a devilish streak in her at times. I talk to her and she adamantly denies bringing the drink in the room, but I remain unconvinced. You see, Bebis is more of a water drinker but she wasn't exactly persuasive in her denial.

7-up is Ausssie's favorite drink but she also is the oldest daughter and is pretty responsible. She also denies bringing the drink up to the computer room and sounds convincing.

At this point, I'm perplexed. I bring them all together and ask them together who did it.

"We didn't do it"

"Of course you didn't. Nobody did it! It just magically appeared in the computer room or maybe we got a ghost that likes to drink Cherry 7-up. Is that what you're trying to tell me? If you gals can't follow simple rules, I'm taking computer time away from all of you."

They agree to the ghost part and cringe about losing computer priviledges.

Maybe we do have a thirsty ghost. I'm pretty disappointed in myself because even though I live with the four peteys, they never usually get anything past me. But that turned out to be my problem and why I couldn't solve "The Case of the Soggy Keyboard".

I'll get to that in just a second. I figured that I'd visit the scene of the crime before I gave up. When I was looking around the room, Tay walked in to console me.

"Oh my god!"

"What?", she says.

"You did it!"

"What, no I didn't!"

"You framed the kids!"

You see, that was my mistake. I dont have FOUR PETEYS...I have FIVE PETEYS! That was the error in my deduction.

As I looked around the computer room, there was the box of tomato basil wheat thins that I had been eating in my room the night before. The kids hate those wheat thins. I hadn't used the computer that morning, so there was only one way they got into the computer room. I also had a 7-up drink in my room that I'd bet my left testicle wasn't still there either. Before I got up to check on that drink, I look at Tay.

"You came in here this morning to use the computer while I was making your coffee and cooking your breakfast. You brought the drink and the wheat thins in and left them there."

"I did no........oh, my god.....I did!"

"I know you did. I'm sure if I check for the drink in my bedroom, I'll find it gone"

She is mortified since we had been grilling the kids for an hour and Loni had been in tears.

As I walked into the bedroom, of course the drink is gone. I turn to Tay and say, "You framed the kids!". She throws me on the bed and she tells me that I'm going to keep my big mouth closed.

I start to yell for the girls.

Tay puts a pillow on my head and then tries to shove a sock in my mouth. She is stone cold busted but refuses to come clean. I continue to tease her by calling for the girls. She tries to smother me.

"I can't believe you framed the girls and now you won't come clean"

"They don't need to know anything about this...ever"

And the secret is safe to this point....well, to the girls anyway.

Of course Tay tries to turn it around on me and make an excuse that she was merely cleaning up after me and just happened to leave the stuff in the computer room.

I open my mouth again....

"GIRLS...hhhmmphhhh........!"

Muslims Versus the West

Props to my buddy Blue for finding this video nugget.

Here is a powerful and amazing statement on Al Jazeera television. The woman is Wafa Sultan, an Arab-American psychologist from Los Angeles. I would suggest watching it ASAP because I don't know how long the link will be active. This film clip should be shown around the world repeatedly!

http://switch3.castup.net/cunet/gm.asp?ai=214&ar=1050wmv&ak=nul

And shame on people who continue to believe that the US is somehow responsible for 9/11 or brings this grief upon itself.

Bluey's Hail Mary 160, DyNasty 142.

AP Report, Skeevemont, PA:

Bluey's Hail Mary popped it's WashPa fantasy football cherry by defeating Cali's DyNasty squad by 18 points late last night. The tandem of Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh put DyNasty in an early hole that they just came up short of climbing out of. DyNasty RB Laurence Maroney had a final chance to squeeze out the victory but evidently, he must have been caught sleeping with coach's daughter, Chastity Belichick, during the pregame warmups as Bill relegated him to a very minor role.

The Hail Mary improve to 1-1 as DyNasty owner Cali falls to 0-2 and calls for a the replacement of one tear-stained carpet.

Messin' With Sasquatch

Tay's stepmom makes out of this world beef jerky. It is ten times better than the crap you buy in the stores. I'm totally addicted to it and asked Tay if she would be agreeable to learning how to make it. Her stepmom made me a big gallon ziploc bag a few weeks ago to keep me in jerky until Tay gets up and running.

So, I pretty much forget about it and I'm finishing up mowing the lawn one day when Tay comes up to me and grabs my head and slips a piece of beef jerky in my mouth. "You did a real nice job on the lawn". She kisses me and walks away.

A day or two later, I was changing some burnt out lightbulbs in her kitchen and after I'm done, she does the same thing, while patting me on the head. I'm thinking to myself, "Man, is that beef jerky yummy".

Then it occurs to me after I finish chewing the piece of jerky. I have no idea where the big bag of beef jerky is. And it also occurs to me that it hasn't been beef jerky that I've been eating (well, in reality it has been).

I've been eating fucking Scooby Snacks!

Now, you may be confused by this, by the grim reality hit me like a sledgehammer. Tay was using the beef jerky as a reward after I performed jobs around the house for her without me realizing it. I always knew that men were dumb mammals but what a dope I had been. I was nothing more than a trained circus seal.

So, I asked Tay where the bag of jerky was. She immediately knew that I was on to her.

"You don't get to have the bag."

"What the fuck? That's my beef jerky!"

"And I've been giving it to you"

"Yeah...giving it to me like giving god damned Scooby Snacks to a dog after doing jobs around the house!"

She starts laughing, realizing that she is busted but probably because she had manged to get away with it for three or so days.

She still doesn't surrender the bag even after I throw a tantrum.

"We'll see how much gets done around here while I'm waiting for you to fork over that bag".

"If you want jerky, you'll do what you're told", she jokes.

Thankfully, Tay's daughter, Aussie, who has had her cellphone taken away, finds the bag in Tay's hiding place and gives it to me. I immediately lift her cellphone restriction for her good deed.

All was right with the world, except now I'm out of jerky again.

Brio 122, Bluey's Hail Mary 107.

Well, I shit the diaper in my inaugural fantasy league matchup. Props to Flip for giving me my first lesson in fantasy football. That lesson is that matchups matter. Playing P. Rivers (SD) against the vaunted CHI defense instead of J. Cutler (DEN) against the crappy BUF defense is what cost me the victory.

So, the Hail Mary experiment starts at 0-1. Next up, Cali's DyNasty (0-1).

Diamond Futures

I was watching Bloomberg Financial television this morning when Tay came in the room fresh from her shower. Since she uses propane as an alternative heat source, I teased her by informing her that the October Propane contracts in the futures markets were up 25 cents.

She scanned the TV and noticed that there was a futures market in gold, silver, aluminum and just about anything a person could dream up.

Then she asks, "Is there a futures market in Diamonds?"

Immediately knowing what she's angling at, I reply "No."

"Why not?"

"They're just not a good investment. There's no way of making money in a diamonds market."

"Why is that?", she inquired.

"Because each diamond comes with a woman who will spend your fortune away."

Tay gives me a cross look. I start laughing.

Bluey stock advice: Short October Diamond contracts.

Is Ass Cancer Reversible?

Watching the NY Mets blow a 4 game series to the Filthadelpia Fillies, loaded up my colon with tumors like gumballs in a gumball machine. They basically pissed away a 7 game lead in the division in a span of five days as the Phils cut the Met lead to 2 games.

Then, the Mets swept the Braves and the Phils started losing.

And the Mets won the first two at Cincy for a 5 game win streak as the Phils fell 6 games behind again. I swear to God, this team is going to kill me before the season is over.

Dr. Pedro Martinez was able to excise a few tumors last night with a rusty butter knife but with a month to go, it can go either way.

This team is far better than any National League team and has the offense to rival any World Series opponent. But, I said the same thing last year and they lost to the goddamned Cardinals thanks to one Mr. David Wright.

C'mon guys, get you heads out of my ass and cure me already. 1986 was a long time ago.